stillshocked Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Been with my girlfriend for 1.5 years and moved fast from the onset. I was coming out of a divorce, with 5 year old son, she had never been married no kids. She was very clear on her desire to have children of her own. At the time, I was OK with that, and thought this what I wanted as well if the conditions were right. Fast forward 1.5 years and I feel like things have changed for me. Not sure if I want to have anymore kids. Life has been difficult the last year (job loss, dealing with ex, divorce, struggling to maintain a relationship with child) and I feel more of a desire to just concentrate on the child I have and on my life, and enjoy some happiness without adding more stress and obligation of another child. As well, our relationship has been rocky, and that has really had an effect on my confidence as to whether this relationship is for "ever". The last thing I want is to be divorced again with another broken family. I feel terrrible that I am not sure anymore. But I also know that i need to be true to myself, and if I ever decide to have more children my heart would need to be in it. She has asked me to leave the house to try to figure this out (we have two house at the moment) but I don't know how long that will take (days, weeks, months, years?) or maybe I will never be sure. Anyone ever been through this? Felt this way? Had their feelings change and then change back again?
Crazy Magnet Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I only really settled on the "have kids" camp a few years ago but since then I have never wavered. I don't think of children as relationship dependent but me dependent if that makes sense. Is it that you still want more children but not with your gf b/c you don't think the relationship is strong enough to last or that you just don't want children at all no matter who you are with and how strong the relationship is. It looks like you have told your current gf this which is a good start. If children is a deal breaker for either of you then it's time to sit down as a couple and talk about it and decide where to go from here. If she has to have children and you definitely don't want them, then let her go find someone that does want children. If you are unsure about kids b/c you are unsure about her, tell her that too.
Author stillshocked Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Is it that you still want more children but not with your gf b/c you don't think the relationship is strong enough to last or that you just don't want children at all no matter who you are with and how strong the relationship is. This part I am not sure about....at one time I wanted to have a child with her ...I do love being a parent to my son, and am not against kids or anything...part of me thinks that I may still want to have a child (if the relationship gets better, life gets a bit easier, etc) and part of me thinks that the last couple of years has been a learning experience of what it is that I want out of life. It is possible that I may later on, want to go ahead with this women, but I no she isn't going to wait around for me to figure that out.
Clep Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 This part I am not sure about....at one time I wanted to have a child with her ...I do love being a parent to my son, and am not against kids or anything...part of me thinks that I may still want to have a child (if the relationship gets better, life gets a bit easier, etc) and part of me thinks that the last couple of years has been a learning experience of what it is that I want out of life. It is possible that I may later on, want to go ahead with this women, but I no she isn't going to wait around for me to figure that out. I'm not sure I would wait around either. She made her intentions clear and she was up front about it. If I was in her shoes and found out that children might not be an option with you and that dream could not be fulfilled, I would not waste my time. On the other hand having a child when the relationship is having trouble would not be fair to a child. Every child's dream is to have their natural parents together. Sounds like the relationship problems are the issue here. Strengthening the relationship might mean the return of the desire for another child. If so, talk talk with her about it.
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