chloe56 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I mean loans you gave your ex for say, a car, deposit for his sister's flat because it (the flat) was really at a bargain price, without appearing to be vindictive or wanting to get together? I know i most definetly need some more time to be calm and collected, I am reluctant to start a discussion with ex yet, was hoping he will state what arrangements he will make about repayments. After 4 months of no contact, I don't even know if his phone number is the same. Should I just give it more time? He may just be needing to alittle financial security?? Do not know why I am rambling on, just wanted some advice on this. Thanks.
PegNosePete Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 First is he an ex bf, or an ex husband? That will make a huge difference. Second do you have paperwork, or any repayment terms/timescale? If you don't then he can simply refuse to pay, say that the money you gave him was a "gift", and you'll have no way of proving otherwise. If you have paperwork then it would probably depend on what you have, whether you gave him cash or still have an outstanding loan in your name, have receipts for purchases, etc.
Author chloe56 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 He is an ex bf. Problem is loan is solely in my name, I never thought we would break up. We had verbal agreements on these sums of money, he agreed to repay as soon as he could, he never did though. I can not afford to lose all that. I am kinda hoping his integrity will come to my rescue... He can not have changed that much, really?
PegNosePete Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 In legal terms a verbal agreement is binding, but it's hard to prove. All he has to do is deny making it and it's your word against his. Plus "as soon as I can" is pretty much a get-out clause, he can just claim that he can't afford to repay you yet, indefinitely. It will also depend on the country you're in. In the UK you wouldn't have a leg to stand on but this kind of thing comes up all the time on Judge Judy in the US. If you have an outstanding loan (with paperwork) that you're still repaying, then you will have grounds to get at least some of it back. For example if you have £5,000 outstanding for a car, you could take him to court, and you'll more than likely win. They will either award the car to you or transfer the loan to him. Payments that you've already made however, will likely be lost. The amount awarded will be the outstanding loan amount or the car at it's current value, not the original purchase price. Hoping for integrity... good luck with that. And yes, people can change a lot, especially when there's large amounts of money involved!! Hope it works out for you. I'm also in a position where I'm being screwed out of £10,000 so you have my sympathies!
Author chloe56 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Thanks for the advice. I am in UK, so that means that I have paid one of life's tuition fees then. Hurts. I will put this off for a while, need to be strong enough for a fight. My sympathies to you too and wishing you a positive outcome too. Why do the exes think they can do this? Aren't somethings really a matter of integrity/ honour? Especially after what you shared previously?
PegNosePete Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 They think they can do it... because they can do it. To me it would be a matter of honour and integrity yes, I would repay any money that was lent to me. But then I would also have had the honour and integrity to not cheat on my wife... obviously her value system is a little different to mine. Some people just have no honour or integrity, and it is times like these that reveal who they are. Unfortunately too late
Author chloe56 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Wow! Yes, it is an unpleasant very late revealation. Sometimes I feel that I am stuck with a very antiquated values system, most especially now. We just have to accept that people we loved are capable of this. That sentence hurt, accepting it feels worse. I don't know if my ex cheated on me, I delibrately have not tried to find out, that is one more thing that I do not want to know yet. Couldn't cope with that now, just about trying to be objective and trying to see through the mess. You are strong.
PegNosePete Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 We just have to accept that people we loved are capable of this. Yep absolutely right. I am reminded of that every time I get a letter from STBX's solicitor. A year ago I would never have believed her capable.
Stephie Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Sorry but good luck with that... We had 2 cars both in my name, a $2000 matress loan, a $1000 tv,xbox loan, we had just paid $800 for his taxes which I used my refund for, we owed my dad $4000, and my mom $3000. I had to pay to get out of our apartment early $800. Guess how much I got; $500. I was promised, swore to that I would get half for everything. I have asked so many times and the last time I did was 2 weeks ago I was told if I hadn't ripped the car out from him and he didn't have to go buy a expensive truck he would have gave me some money... I will never see it and I'm stuck paying all the debt off. Word to the wise don't ever put everything in your name and find someone with good credit... He blames it all on me when he is the one who walked out!
Author chloe56 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Thats just pathetic beyond words. Why would someone who proported to cherish you, do such a thing? I used to think it would never happen to me, I thought I was people smart, I even had a personal policy of not lending money to anyone unless nuclear family. I thought we were family. Hind sight as always is a wonderful thing. I will definitely never repeat this mistake again, ever.
tobydog Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Money is such an issue! My ex has got us into debt all our married life and now left me with loads of debt, won't pay a penny to his son and is in a financial DEEP hole. I doubt he will ever pay us a penny, seems totally disinterested in whether we lose the house etc. The thing is now I have cancelled all his business, phone, car ins payments from my account he is angrier than ever. Money plays a big part in all of this. I wish you luck in getting any back, sadly I doubt it. Take care x
hART Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 After four months he would have to be pretty self absorbed to think it was a ploy to get him back. Just make up a list and tell him he has a say a month to get the money back to you. If that doesn't work and it isn't a big deal, drop it.
Author chloe56 Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 hmmm, see, the huge issue for me is that my ex really seems not to care what happens to me financially. I can't afford to lose the money, but I am living without it. The irony is that, while his sister has a flat, I rent. The money would have been deposit for my own place. He knows absolutely well, my situation when he moves out. @ hart: I had previously used every and any trick to get him to talk to me before our split in August. Why am I going on about this? I don't know. I swing between desperately wanting the relationship back to wanting to club him into a pulp some days. Possibly a case of you can dump me, embarrass me but I want my hard earned money back, it is mine. Do I sound totally mad yet?
PegNosePete Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Nope you don't sound mad at all. What he's doing is just adding injury to insult. Unfortunately I think you'll just have to take this as a learning experience, and accept that the money is gone.
Recommended Posts