Star Gazer Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 If she's really drunk, then she's in violation of an LS rule. Tony made a thread on this about a month ago. It's not a rule or a TOS. He merely asked that members not give advice when they're under the influence due to how mean people can be when they're drunk. OG posting drunk is perfectly fine. It's better she get it out here than via other means.
Star Gazer Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I hope someone she listens to will post that she needs to: PUT DOWN THE PHONE and DO NOT EMAIL ANYONE tonight.
Citizen Erased Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Ooops, I rang my boss too and had like a 30 mins convo with him. He kept asking me "Are you OK??" lolol Don't make me come over there young lady!
Author OceanGirl Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 Wow... Well, got to give him points for gentleman. He could have easily have you gone to his house and have sex with you and then dump you. I know what you mean... Sorry about what happened OG. It's tough, the moment you find a guy you like, that one is the problem one as usual. Refering to bolded: not really. He was really heavily pressuring me into having sex last night. I mean he tried multiple times. If I gave in he would have easily had sex and dumped me. I forgot to mention that he has spent the last 3 days of the weekend passed out on the mix of alcohol and LSD. He actually said that the blacked out to the point that he didn't remember where he was. I was willing to overlook all that because I felt chemistry and found him interesting
xpaperxcutx Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Refering to bolded: not really. He was really heavily pressuring me into having sex last night. I mean he tried multiple times. If I gave in he would have easily had sex and dumped me. I forgot to mention that he has spent the last 3 days of the weekend passed out on the mix of alcohol and LSD. He actually said that the blacked out to the point that he didn't remember where he was. I was willing to overlook all that because I felt chemistry and found him interesting And they didn't raise any red flags? I'd always thought you were smarter than that OG, but apparently you really do like to let your emotions dictate your need for reason.
Surrealist Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Refering to bolded: not really. He was really heavily pressuring me into having sex last night. I mean he tried multiple times. If I gave in he would have easily had sex and dumped me. I forgot to mention that he has spent the last 3 days of the weekend passed out on the mix of alcohol and LSD. He actually said that the blacked out to the point that he didn't remember where he was. I was willing to overlook all that because I felt chemistry and found him interesting For real? I think he did you a favour. Did you know beforehand this guy took such drugs? Are you aware if this is a habitual thing? If you were aware of it, well it would be clear to a lot of women (I can only assume I guess) this type of guy would not be the one to seek out for a long term relationship. Given this, it doesn't sound like bad dating luck or for whatever reason as to why you feel you are not attracting a quality guy, more like a misguided / mistaken decision in this instance?
welikeincrowds Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I'm sorry OG, this fwb guy sounds like a ****ing loser. As a young man involved with the creative element of New York I know the person you describe. I wish you wouldn't sleep with him. If it's not naivety it's self-disrespect.
Eeyore79 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I forgot to mention that he has spent the last 3 days of the weekend passed out on the mix of alcohol and LSD. He actually said that the blacked out to the point that he didn't remember where he was. You have to be kidding me... you actually thought this guy was a good prospect for a relationship? I would have run for the hills! I don't see how you can be so desperate that you'd be willing to put up with such behaviour; you're the same age as me, and probably as attractive given that I consider myself to be average, so if I wouldn't accept such behaviour then neither should you. I think you seriously need to re-evaluate how you choose the men you date, because your lack of success may have a lot to do with the fact that you appear to be choosing losers. Refering to bolded: not really. He was really heavily pressuring me into having sex last night. I mean he tried multiple times. If I gave in he would have easily had sex and dumped me. Don't you think it's possible that he was just making excuses, and he actually dumped you because he realised you weren't going to be an easy lay? You really seem to have dodged a bullet here...
Author OceanGirl Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 Yes, I knew all this. He takes recreational drugs - that's why I said that he wouldn't make a good LTR prospect. At the same time he was telling me that he is looking for a LTR and his OKC profile says "LTR only". It's not the question of being stupid or desperate. I find most people bland and boring and I liked that he has an edge. The last guy I dated went to bed at 10pm, never even tried pot and did gardening on the weekend. I have never been so bored in my life. I RARELY feel chemistry for anyone. I could go on 15 dates with 15 different guys and feel absolutely nothing. I am really pickier than most people - but I go by the feeling rather than what looks good on paper.
welikeincrowds Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Yes, I knew all this. He takes recreational drugs - that's why I said that he wouldn't make a good LTR prospect. At the same time he was telling me that he is looking for a LTR and his OKC profile says "LTR only". It's not the question of being stupid or desperate. I find most people bland and boring and I liked that he has an edge. The last guy I dated went to bed at 10pm, never even tried pot and did gardening on the weekend. I have never been so bored in my life. I RARELY feel chemistry for anyone. I could go on 15 dates with 15 different guys and feel absolutely nothing. I am really pickier than most people - but I go by the feeling rather than what looks good on paper. It's not the drugs. I'm sure, for example, that I've done more than you. It's that him doing LSD and drinking and passing out for 3 days isn't "an edge," it's just retarded. Any ******* can do that. Please don't be offended when I tell you that I would expect your line of reasoning from a sheltered girl in high school.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 It's not the drugs. I'm sure, for example, that I've done more than you. It's that him doing LSD and drinking and passing out for 3 days isn't "an edge," it's just retarded. Any ******* can do that. Please don't be offended when I tell you that I would expect your line of reasoning from a sheltered girl in high school. I guess I didn't articulate myself properly. Doing drugs doesn't give him an edge. He is interesting and we had a lot in common (not the drugs). It's like I was willing to let drugs slide just because I found other aspects of his personality intriguing. Having said that, I do find some correlation between people who have never done/tried drugs and being too boring and "normal" for my taste.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I guess I didn't articulate myself properly. Doing drugs doesn't give him an edge. He is interesting and we had a lot in common (not the drugs). It's like I was willing to let drugs slide just because I found other aspects of his personality intriguing. Having said that, I do find some correlation between people who have never done/tried drugs and being too boring and "normal" for my taste. To be completely honest, I'm alarmed that such a major red flag you let slip, but you were ready to drop him when he canceled? I think the drugs is a far bigger, more pressing issue. If I was about to date a guy who used drugs recreationally, I'd be out of there so fast they wouldn't see me for dust, and I'm normally terrible for letting things slide. I don't think people who don't do drugs/dabbled in them are boring, or normal, they are just more responsible and sensible with their choices, and health.
paleblue Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 sorry ocean girl. at least you got a straight, up front answer from him. i do think he is a total douche to initiate intimacy if he felt this way. glad you didn't allow him to take advantage of you. i have said it over and over... that little voice inside... listen to it! : ) if you feel something is off... than you are probably correct. you just know when something is good or something is off. ocean.. you just have to keep trying. not trying to give you false hope, but you really do never know what tomorrow can bring. keep trying. keep meeting new people. and listen to yourself!
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Having said that, I do find some correlation between people who have never done/tried drugs and being too boring and "normal" for my taste. That is profoundly superficial. Let me tell you from personal experience: drug users are often the most boring people you will ever know. It's also BS. Any guy who can possibly come anywhere near meeting your stated requirements is not going to have any kind of an "edge," no way, no how. To be completely honest, I'm alarmed that such a major red flag you let slip, but you were ready to drop him when he canceled? What a good point. OG, this seems to border on narcissistic. The guy's actual qualities beyond the superficial (looks) mean NOTHING. Only thing of import is how he acts towards YOU. ONLY thing. OG, I have been feeling compassion and empathy for you. Your experience with a guy you had high hopes about would be painful for me, too. But it's going away. This display of mad drama and bad judgement (calling your BOSS? Thinking about canceling the presentation? Fwb decision?) because of A GUY YOU WENT ON TWO DATES WITH is really making one thing clear: You are so not ready for a REAL relationship with all of the ups and downs they bring.
Art_Critic Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 OG, I have been feeling compassion and empathy for you. Your experience with a guy you had high hopes about would be painful for me, too. But it's going away. This display of mad drama and bad judgement (calling your BOSS? Thinking about canceling the presentation? Fwb decision?) because of A GUY YOU WENT ON TWO DATES WITH is really making one thing clear: You are so not ready for a REAL relationship with all of the ups and downs they bring. I'm where MC is.. with some more additional thoughts. OG.. I'm really not seeing that you are even following any tract of advice from any of your threads. You seem to be using some sort of shot gun approach to relationships and splattering yourself all over the place. It is also getting increasingly hard to stay on pace or track what is going on and what you need advice on because of this. Maybe you should stop dating for a 90-120 day period of time till you pull yourself onto some even plane.
Jannah Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Oh man, I just got home from work and drank the whole bottle of some sort of vodka-cosmopolitan mix. It's pink I haven't eaten anything in 24 hours so I anticipate that I am going to puke soon lololol Oh and I rang that 25 year old FWB potential and we are going out on Friday night. He seemed really happy to hear from me. One big cycle....over and over... Is this what you really want for yourself OP? Not eating + binge drinking + FWB?
Star Gazer Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 It's not the drugs. I'm sure, for example, that I've done more than you. It's that him doing LSD and drinking and passing out for 3 days isn't "an edge," it's just retarded. Any ******* can do that. Please don't be offended when I tell you that I would expect your line of reasoning from a sheltered girl in high school. That is profoundly superficial. Let me tell you from personal experience: drug users are often the most boring people you will ever know. It's also BS. Any guy who can possibly come anywhere near meeting your stated requirements is not going to have any kind of an "edge," no way, no how. What a good point. OG, this seems to border on narcissistic. The guy's actual qualities beyond the superficial (looks) mean NOTHING. Only thing of import is how he acts towards YOU. ONLY thing. OG, I have been feeling compassion and empathy for you. Your experience with a guy you had high hopes about would be painful for me, too. But it's going away. This display of mad drama and bad judgement (calling your BOSS? Thinking about canceling the presentation? Fwb decision?) because of A GUY YOU WENT ON TWO DATES WITH is really making one thing clear: You are so not ready for a REAL relationship with all of the ups and downs they bring. I'm where MC is.. with some more additional thoughts. OG.. I'm really not seeing that you are even following any tract of advice from any of your threads. You seem to be using some sort of shot gun approach to relationships and splattering yourself all over the place. It is also getting increasingly hard to stay on pace or track what is going on and what you need advice on because of this. Maybe you should stop dating for a 90-120 day period of time till you pull yourself onto some even plane. I can only echo these comments. There aren't enough words to describe how unhealthy OG's behavior and thought processes are.
Beerme Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 (edited) From what I've read, and not being all that familiar with the OP, my first reaction is to think that the OP is drawn to drama. I'm not at all saying that she wants drama, or that she goes out of her way for it, but some part of her seems to need or at least steer her to it. She states that she's attracted to guys with an "edge." I read that as meaning she's attracted to guys that will bring drama to her life. Her willingness to let this last guy's drug usage slide, makes me think that some part of her wanted that usage to cause drama down the road. By her writing style she seems to be an intelligent person, and I would think that any intelligent person would know that someone who uses drugs and alcohol to the point of passing out for 3 days is probably someone who is going to cause all sorts of problems. Now she's called some guy who wants a FWB relationship, which is in all likelihood going to end in a trainwreck. Also, she's now jeopardizing her work by calling her boss while drunk, and also possibly backing out of a presentation that her boss thinks she should go through with. Other people here who are more informed about her past have stated that they think that even if the OP were in a good situation she would still find ways to be negative about it. That's not at all healthy. I've got a lot of compassion for the OP because I do think she's not intentionally being self destructive. However, I do think she's creating a lot of the problems that are tormenting her. I strongly feel that she gets some sort of unhealthy pleasure out of her rollercoaster emotions. Edited November 24, 2010 by Beerme poor grammar!
Author OceanGirl Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 I woke up today feeling better. That heavy feeling of heartbreak is gone. He was an idiot and didn't treat me right. I still maintain that to me, someone doing drugs occasionally is not a deal breaker. But whateves. I smoke pot occasionally. I didn't call my boss randomly because I was drunk. He asked me to call him when I e-mailed about possibly pulling out form my talk. So I did and he talked me into pressing forward with the talk. He offered a firm rehearsal time next week and also that he will be there during the talk and will help me with the questions in case I get too anxious and need help. As for the FWB guy, he never actually told me that he wants just sex or that he wants to be FWB. He has pursued me for the last 2 motnhs. He asked me to have some cocktails at the beach on Friday night after I messaged him to ask if he is doing anything on the weekend. *I* call him FWB because I feel that he is too young for me and also not intelligent enough. SO I think I would at most want to be FWB with him. Having said all that, I have decided to press forward with all my social engagements this week/weekend and to present on the conference in 2 weeks. I just had a bad day yesterday but didn't do anything with major consequences.
northern_sky Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 (edited) And they didn't raise any red flags? I'd always thought you were smarter than that OG, but apparently you really do like to let your emotions dictate your need for reason. It's not a matter of intelligence. OG is extremely smart and actually one of the most self aware people I know. She sees all those red flags, but just chooses to ignore them. To take it to an extreme, an alcoholic can be totally aware of their addiction, yet unwilling to make the right choices because their impulses cloud their judgment. Not to say that OG is an addict, but my point is that intelligence/self-awareness can have little correlation with the choices somebody makes. Edited November 24, 2010 by northern_sky
northern_sky Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 That is profoundly superficial. Let me tell you from personal experience: drug users are often the most boring people you will ever know. It's also BS. Any guy who can possibly come anywhere near meeting your stated requirements is not going to have any kind of an "edge," no way, no how. What a good point. OG, this seems to border on narcissistic. The guy's actual qualities beyond the superficial (looks) mean NOTHING. Only thing of import is how he acts towards YOU. ONLY thing. OG, I have been feeling compassion and empathy for you. Your experience with a guy you had high hopes about would be painful for me, too. But it's going away. This display of mad drama and bad judgement (calling your BOSS? Thinking about canceling the presentation? Fwb decision?) because of A GUY YOU WENT ON TWO DATES WITH is really making one thing clear: You are so not ready for a REAL relationship with all of the ups and downs they bring. Eh, as usual I feel like your advice has a few bits of wisdom but is mostly skewed by your annoyance at the OP... First off, I basically agree with OG that there's some correlation. In truth, most of the adult men I've met who never once experimented with drugs (at least tried pot once) tend to be uptight, anal types. I think it is normal to go through a period of experimentation in college. That said, I would never date a guy who was still using...aside from maybe very occasional pot. I also don't think there's anything wrong with OG looking for a slight edge in a partner. It just depends on what she means by "edge." My definition of edge is a guy who is discerning, maybe a tad cynical in his humor, and slightly adventurous in a sober, healthy way. OG is hardly narcissistic. She's too self-focused. There's a difference between the two. All of the choices people make when it comes to early dating are self-serving. Paying more attention to a guy's personality traits early in the courtship is also self-serving in that you're trying to decide whether he'll make you happy long term. Yet the latter is a more effective form of self preservation.
Kamille Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 There's a difference between smoking a joint or having a drink once and awhile and passing out for a weekend because of substance abuse. I learned that the hard way - with exex. But unlike OG, I had no clue exex was a heavy drinker until I was well into the relationship.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I also don't think there's anything wrong with OG looking for a slight edge in a partner. It just depends on what she means by "edge." My definition of edge is a guy who is discerning, maybe a tad cynical in his humor, and slightly adventurous in a sober, healthy way. I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with somebody looking for "edge." OG's list of requirements, which I don't feel like searching for right now because I have pies to bake, would pretty successfully filter out any edgy guy. Maybe I am wrong. Let's see, time will tell.
threebyfate Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Now that I look back on the last night, I see it all. It was SO over the top. It was WAY WAY too much for a second date, especially given the lack of contact in between the dates. It was like he was manic.Haven't had a chance to get online for the past few days due to the insanely hectic pace in real life. We've had unexpected guests and a work deadline I almost forgot about. Sorry to hear that this didn't pan out. The bolded sounds like he might have been on something during the date. Cocaine or some other kind of chemical accelerant.
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