Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 The only good thing about this is that it ended swiftly and that I have closure. Imagine if he kept me around on the back burner for months :S Shadow, it was really sweet of you to try and spare my feelings...
Titania22 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 The only good thing about this is that it ended swiftly and that I have closure. Imagine if he kept me around on the back burner for months :S Shadow, it was really sweet of you to try and spare my feelings... Isn't it also a good thing that you were happy while it lasted?
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Isn't it also a good thing that you were happy while it lasted? Heh, now I feel like the happiness was fake because none of what happened was real. He was pretending the whole time.
Titania22 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Heh, now I feel like the happiness was fake because none of what happened was real. He was pretending the whole time. Even if he was pretending, the feelings of joy you experienced existed and shaped your days and outlook while you were feeling them. Sometimes isn't it enough just to acknowledge when you feel good without having to judge if the feeling is justified.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Even if he was pretending, the feelings of joy you experienced existed and shaped your days and outlook while you were feeling them. Sometimes isn't it enough just to acknowledge when you feel good without having to judge if the feeling is justified. That's certainly a nice way to look at it....I like your posts
Titania22 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 That's certainly a nice way to look at it....I like your posts Thankyou OceanGirl
Eeyore79 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I hate when people do cruel things like this. It's fair enough if you go on a couple of dates and don't want to continue seeing someone, but don't act like you're crazy about them when you're obviously not, because you just get people's hopes up. It hurts a lot more to be dumped after someone has acted really OTT like they adore you. I had this done to me a few years ago, and I ended up feeling deeply depressed for a long time, because I genuinely thought I'd found someone to love me and then he just flaked out. It hurt that it was all lies, and I felt really bad about myself for having been taken in by a liar - I felt like I couldn't trust my own judgement any more. I wish people would just be honest
OpenBook Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I also can't believe that he was all over me last night and attempted to have sex (but I stopped him). Good call, OG! I'm sorry it didn't work out. But you did the right thing here. And you exited so gracefully with that nice "all the best" message to him. I'm impressed! For whatever that's worth. <<hugs>>
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Good call, OG! I'm sorry it didn't work out. But you did the right thing here. And you exited so gracefully with that nice "all the best" message to him. I'm impressed! For whatever that's worth. <<hugs>> Awww thanks. Yeah I didn't argue with him, I didn't go off at him. At lest I made a graceful exit.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 I hate when people do cruel things like this. It's fair enough if you go on a couple of dates and don't want to continue seeing someone, but don't act like you're crazy about them when you're obviously not, because you just get people's hopes up. It hurts a lot more to be dumped after someone has acted really OTT like they adore you. I had this done to me a few years ago, and I ended up feeling deeply depressed for a long time, because I genuinely thought I'd found someone to love me and then he just flaked out. It hurt that it was all lies, and I felt really bad about myself for having been taken in by a liar - I felt like I couldn't trust my own judgement any more. I wish people would just be honest I was actually talking to a male friend of mine who thinks that what this guy did was really rough and cruel (and he usually takes guy's side when talking to me). He said that going on a couple of dates and seeing that it's not gonna work, that there is no spark or whatever is normal. But going on a 5 hour date with guy acting like he is crazy about you - from what he said to how affectionate he was, down to not wanting the night to end and going to a couple of bars when I wanted to go home. He actually told me that he is "so happy he feels like he is dreaming". Not to mention pressuring me to make all those plans in advance and wanting to see me the next evening with the full plan of what we will eat/drink/watch (I actually bought the drinks this morning before he canceled:() Oh and he canceled an hour before I was supposed to come, I was already getting ready. It's just really cruel.
curlygirl40 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Thanks. You know, that's why I keep saying that I just want few weeks/few months with someone. Whenever something good happens to me (dating related) it pretty much all falls apart within the next 2 days or so. It's like I am only meant to suffer in this lifetime. Have you ever heard the phrase 'what we fear we create'? I'm a big believer in the law of attraction. Not sure if you've ever read any of the books out there but there's a lot of them. The Secret. The Power of Positive Thinking. The Law of Attraction. On and on. Google it. What you put your mind on is what you will draw to you. If you believe that you were only meant to suffer, you will only suffer. I truly believe this. Concentrate on the good that came out of this. You now know that it's all possible. To find someone you really click with. To enjoy that person. To have that person like you back. How it all made you feel. It's out there. This guy served a purpose for you. Maybe he came into your life for that short bit just to show you to keep looking, keep going, it is out there for you to find. Be grateful for the experience and take the lesson. Pain is a good teacher. Take the lesson and carry on. Keep your eyes wide open and follow your bliss. There's someone out there for you, all of these experiences are guiding you towards that person, and teaching you something about yourself along the way. The world has a plan for you and he was part of that plan. Believe it. You are the creator of your own reality.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I was actually talking to a male friend of mine who thinks that what this guy did was really rough and cruel (and he usually takes guy's side when talking to me). He said that going on a couple of dates and seeing that it's not gonna work, that there is no spark or whatever is normal. But going on a 5 hour date with guy acting like he is crazy about you - from what he said to how affectionate he was, down to not wanting the night to end and going to a couple of bars when I wanted to go home. He actually told me that he is "so happy he feels like he is dreaming". Not to mention pressuring me to make all those plans in advance and wanting to see me the next evening with the full plan of what we will eat/drink/watch (I actually bought the drinks this morning before he canceled:() Oh and he canceled an hour before I was supposed to come, I was already getting ready. It's just really cruel. It is really cruel. The plus side is that you find out now, and can move on from him. He could have at least been honest about his lingering feelings for his ex, it does explain the flakiness, and it sort of explains why he was so OTT. I think he may have been trying to convince himself that he could be with someone else. I'm sorry it didn't work out, and I agree with Skydiveaddict, I really dislike the guy and I haven't even met him. It's one thing to go on 2 dates and realize it isn't there and call it quits, another thing entirely to lead someone on like that. And to cancel an hour before meeting? Total joke in my opinion.
SunsetRed Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 You can learn from the wisdom and experience of others, but in the end..ALWAYS trust your gut feeling.
northern_sky Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I also don't buy the thing about him having another chance with his ex wife. Like to me him being really enthusiastic on the second date doesn't make sense psychologically with him just having found out he had another chance with his ex. Sure, it jives with somebody on the rebound, but not somebody who has just found out they have a chance with the ex they're pining for. Which means he would have had to found out he had a chance after the date, yet his behavior was flaky even before the date. I feel like something else is up, and this is a lie. In brief, you dodged a huge bullet.
Els Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Unfortunately, I think that I have been getting lots of bad advice on LS. Advice about giving people the benefit of the doubt which is mighty tempting when you like someone. Each time - it turned out that my instinct was spot on. Giving people the benefit of the doubt has only led me to heartbreak. I have also been called crazy a lot for doubting the random excuse a perfect stranger would give me...Actually, I don't believe that I am that crazy at all. I am finally ready for a relationship and I haven't been ready in many years. I am not blaming LS. I am not blaming anyone. I just think that it's in my best interest to get advice from here any longer. Look, think about it this way... There's this guy, lived all his life afraid of an earthquake because the signs pointed to it. He would only ever go to earthquake-proof buildings, and almost never venture out of his earthquake-proof house. People told him that he should just go out and live life because this fear of his was preventing him from living life. But he insisted that the signs pointed at an earthquake. 50 years later, an earthquake shook the place. A few people were hurt and many belongings lost, but everyone survived. The only person who didn't lose anything was this guy. He went around telling everyone, "Ha! See, I told you so, I saw the signs". Who do you think lived the fuller life, the one rejecting opportunities every day of his life because he saw the signs for an earthquake, or the others who lived life most of the time and suffered the earthquake but came out alive?
VeveCakes Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I also don't buy the thing about him having another chance with his ex wife. Like to me him being really enthusiastic on the second date doesn't make sense psychologically with him just having found out he had another chance with his ex. Sure, it jives with somebody on the rebound, but not somebody who has just found out they have a chance with the ex they're pining for. Which means he would have had to found out he had a chance after the date, yet his behavior was flaky even before the date. I feel like something else is up, and this is a lie. In brief, you dodged a huge bullet. I agree, I think maybe he didn't get laid so he pulled that line. Aren't you glad you didn't sleep with him now?
Art_Critic Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 OG... Sorry it didn't work out... You haven't lost anything but have gained so much in this experience.. Dating is more about figuring out what you want and don't want in a partner. Since we aren't born with the normal knowledge of dating you have to figure it all out by trial and error. Each time you date and have a good time but it doesn't work out you just figured out some things about a partner that you like so the next time you are looking for a date you will key on those things and hopefully you will start picking guys that suit you better till the point that you find a good relationship.
Star Gazer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 When a guy acts like that too early (I mean this was the second date, right?), it's usually crash and burn. It's not possible for somebody to feel that legitimately strong after such a short amount of time. OG was acting that way too. She's guilty of the very thing she's accusing him of. I saw something like this coming from a mile away. I don't think the signs were vague AT ALL. Supposedly...and yet you didn't tell her?? That's not very nice.
Girlygirl1977 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 As for living life and not being sorry for trying, I'm reminded of Theodore Roosevelt's famous quote: It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Star Gazer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Have you ever heard the phrase 'what we fear we create'? You are the creator of your own reality. Look, think about it this way... There's this guy, lived all his life afraid of an earthquake because the signs pointed to it. He would only ever go to earthquake-proof buildings, and almost never venture out of his earthquake-proof house. People told him that he should just go out and live life because this fear of his was preventing him from living life. But he insisted that the signs pointed at an earthquake. 50 years later, an earthquake shook the place. A few people were hurt and many belongings lost, but everyone survived. The only person who didn't lose anything was this guy. He went around telling everyone, "Ha! See, I told you so, I saw the signs". Who do you think lived the fuller life, the one rejecting opportunities every day of his life because he saw the signs for an earthquake, or the others who lived life most of the time and suffered the earthquake but came out alive? FANTASTIC posts, particularly this earthquake analogy! THAT's the point of giving the benefit of the doubt: letting go of fear and creating your own destiny.
Star Gazer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 At the end of the day, OG, this guy made you happy. Happier than you'd been in years. Focus on the good that came from these couple dates. Don't focus on negative thoughts or continue the blame game. He's not a bad guy because he's still in love with someone else. Instead, recognize that you now know that it's possible to find someone you really have great chemistry with, who makes you as giddy and excited as you were, even with "in love" like feelings. Remember those positive feelings so you can find/recognize them again; don't forget them.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 OG, Please, please, PLEASE, I beg of you ... Listen to welikeincrowds' gambling and Elswyth's earthquake analogies, and the posts from curly & girly girls. If you are going to bother with dating at all, you HAVE to give the benefit of the doubt to some extent. You are there to LEARN. You learned about this guy. I am not minimizing how much an experience like yours can hurt ones feelings. I agree that the guy's behavior was weak. But, you wanted to see about him, and you did. It does NOT mean that you were "right," that you should never give anyone a chance again, etc. What you experienced was part of you LIVING YOUR LIFE. Your life does not exist within your active fantasy world where you control every aspect. It happens OUT THERE.
Crazy Magnet Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Ouch. And lay off OG and her over the top feelings. She was actually feeling them while this guy was clearly acting. I also don't believe his "I have a chance with my ex" line. Mostly it sounds like he was out for a quick lay. He may be getting back with his ex, but it looks like he was hoping for a little play on the side and he threw everything + the kitchen sink at OG to get her to take her panties off. Way to not give in!
Recommended Posts