OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I was hesitant about posting on here with my update, but now that I have all the answers I don't feel too bad. It all started 2 hours ago. I was supposed to go over to his place when he texted simple "can't do Dexter tonight". We had plans for tomorrow night too so I simply texted "Are we still on for tomorrow?". I didn't get a response in an hour and sent him another text asking "Out of curiosity, why did you decide to cancel tonight?" He responded a while later simply saying "I have been trying to start something new and as appealing as it is, I am still in love with my ex wife and there is a chance of us getting back together. I am so sorry". BTW, they have been divorced for 4 years so it wasn't like a recent divorce or anything. I responded: "Thanks for telling me, no hard feelings. All the best!" TBF, you picked it again My instincts about 48 hour lag and it meaning something were spot on. I knew that something wasn't right. Unfortunately, I think that I have been getting lots of bad advice on LS. Advice about giving people the benefit of the doubt which is mighty tempting when you like someone. Each time - it turned out that my instinct was spot on. Giving people the benefit of the doubt has only led me to heartbreak. I have also been called crazy a lot for doubting the random excuse a perfect stranger would give me...Actually, I don't believe that I am that crazy at all. I am finally ready for a relationship and I haven't been ready in many years. I am not blaming LS. I am not blaming anyone. I just think that it's in my best interest to get advice from here any longer.
Star Gazer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I still stand by everything I said about this guy. He gave you absolutely no signs that a legitimate, interested, single, emotionally available guy wouldn't give you, and you'd be better served giving everyone the benefit of the doubt rather than being all Negative Nancy at the outset about everyone you meet. You'd also serve to benefit from tempering your emotions a bit. "I'm just this way, all crazy highs and lows!" isn't doing you any good. As far as I'm concerned, it's merely coincidence the way it worked out. If whatever flags you think he was waving "prove" you're right, then they very flags you waved yourself should mean you too are still in love with an ex. Then again...wait. Are you? I'll eat my words if that's the case...would explain a LOT, actually.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 No Star, I am not in love with anyone. He was showing signs that something was off even before I canceled when I was genuinely sick. 48 lag was before I did anything wrong. You are obviously never going to admit that you are wrong and I am just too tired to go around in circles with you at this point.
welikeincrowds Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I'm sorry it didn't work out, OG. This is the risk we take when we date. We have to put some chips on the table to play at all. The idea, though, is that you read the table with nickels, and hold onto your cheques until you're confident you can ride the river. This should have been considered a success for you. Disappointing, very, but successful nonetheless. It only got you 2 dates to discover that this guy wasn't over his ex. It takes a lot more than 2 hands to discover a shark. But you can't see it as a success, because you were too busy daydreaming about the jackpot. How obnoxious is it that I keep coming back to this gambling analogy? It's pretty unfair to come up against LS for being unable to read minds. They only had 2 dates' worth of vague clues to go on. Being unable to make an accurate map of his intentions wasn't a bad thing, and shouldn't have been expected, except that you were so quick to sail the full weight of your emotions by it. There's no excuse for falling in love. LS has never not warned you to watch your step. Perhaps if you had listened then you wouldn't be as wounded. Still, I am sorry it didn't work out. Now double your money and make it stack, on to the next one on to the next
skydiveaddict Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I am sorry for you that it didn't work, the way he treated you was really ****ty
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 I am sorry for you that it didn't work, the way he treated you was really ****ty Thanks. I can't believe that he actually took out a diary last night and made weeks of plans of future dates, discussing what we should do. That's why I was so optimistic in my last thread. I didn't initiate any plans - he made them all and kept asking me for exact dates and times when I am free. I also can't believe that he was all over me last night and attempted to have sex (but I stopped him). I can't believe how affectionate he was (kissing my fingers, interwining our fingers and holding my hand, touching my face etc) all the while telling me how much he likes me. I can't believe that when we parted last night, he ran after me and picked me up and still kissed me for ages. I can't believe it was all BS.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 I just feel like I have the worst luck with dating. I can't seem to catch a break no matter what.
Titania22 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I just feel like I have the worst luck with dating. I can't seem to catch a break no matter what. Sorry it wasn't to be Ocean Girl, you seemed so happy. I would take the 2 dates as a gift though, because you really enjoyed them. Sometimes great experiences are only transitory.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Sorry it wasn't to be Ocean Girl, you seemed so happy. I would take the 2 dates as a gift though, because you really enjoyed them. Sometimes great experiences are only transitory. Thanks. You know, that's why I keep saying that I just want few weeks/few months with someone. Whenever something good happens to me (dating related) it pretty much all falls apart within the next 2 days or so. It's like I am only meant to suffer in this lifetime.
skydiveaddict Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I can't believe that when we parted last night, he ran after me and picked me up and still kissed me for ages. I can't believe it was all BS. I really really dislike this guy . I don't like little boys who claim to be men that use other people's feelings like that.
welikeincrowds Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 It's like I am only meant to suffer in this lifetime. Oh come on. OK, everyone deserves to have a night of ice cream and whiskey. But if you keep publicly pitying yourself after tonight then I'll get mad and start using caps lock.
Titania22 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Thanks. You know, that's why I keep saying that I just want few weeks/few months with someone. Whenever something good happens to me (dating related) it pretty much all falls apart within the next 2 days or so. It's like I am only meant to suffer in this lifetime. I know what you mean. I am a bit opposite in that I have had 2 LTRs but I made bad choices in both that cost me heavily. I also only want a few weeks/few month with someone, because I can't afford to pay financially/emotionally for another LTR. I am so sick of suffering, I can't do it anymore.
welikeincrowds Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I know what you mean. I am a bit opposite in that I have had 2 LTRs but I made bad choices in both that cost me heavily. I also only want a few weeks/few month with someone, because I can't afford to pay financially/emotionally for another LTR. I am so sick of suffering, I can't do it anymore. Oh come on. OK, everyone deserves to have a night of ice cream and whiskey. But if you keep publicly pitying yourself after tonight then I'll get mad and start using caps lock.
valpre Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Damn, I've been following your threads and was happy to hear you finally met someone you like. I'm glad you took a chance regardless - keep rolling, your lucky break will come.
Titania22 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Oh come on. OK, everyone deserves to have a night of ice cream and whiskey. But if you keep publicly pitying yourself after tonight then I'll get mad and start using caps lock. Sorry wasn't me pitying myself, I was saying I understand how she feels, even if my experiences are from the opposite side the emotions are very similar and the what we have asked for as a result is the same. I do feel better. But it explains why I am not looking for an LTR. No more, I'm done with that. :Dsee it's a big grin:D
northern_sky Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 No Star, I am not in love with anyone. He was showing signs that something was off even before I canceled when I was genuinely sick. 48 lag was before I did anything wrong. You are obviously never going to admit that you are wrong and I am just too tired to go around in circles with you at this point. Agreed. From my perspective it was pretty obvious something was very off, but I didn't want to burst your bubble when you were so happy. I'm sorry things didn't work out. In general, I don't believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to dating in the early stages, especially for somebody as sensitive as you are to disappointment and early emotional investment.
northern_sky Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Thanks. I can't believe that he actually took out a diary last night and made weeks of plans of future dates, discussing what we should do. That's why I was so optimistic in my last thread. I didn't initiate any plans - he made them all and kept asking me for exact dates and times when I am free. I also can't believe that he was all over me last night and attempted to have sex (but I stopped him). I can't believe how affectionate he was (kissing my fingers, interwining our fingers and holding my hand, touching my face etc) all the while telling me how much he likes me. I can't believe that when we parted last night, he ran after me and picked me up and still kissed me for ages. I can't believe it was all BS. Actually to me his sudden outburst of interest was the worst sign yet, but I didn't want you to feel worried. When a guy acts like that too early (I mean this was the second date, right?), it's usually crash and burn. It's not possible for somebody to feel that legitimately strong after such a short amount of time. Chances are he was trying to force the feeling because of the thing with his ex. Not that you're unable to inspire it in him or he wasn't interested -- I think he was -- but it's unrealistic he would feel so strongly about anyone on a second date. It reminds me of a more extreme version of my first hookup with J. He seemed overly excited, and then he caught himself and was like "I'm not over my ex." It reeks of rebound. But that's weird that it's been four years. He seems slightly mental.
northern_sky Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 (edited) I It's pretty unfair to come up against LS for being unable to read minds. They only had 2 dates' worth of vague clues to go on. Being unable to make an accurate map of his intentions wasn't a bad thing, and shouldn't have been expected, except that you were so quick to sail the full weight of your emotions by it. There's no excuse for falling in love. LS has never not warned you to watch your step. Perhaps if you had listened then you wouldn't be as wounded. Still, I am sorry it didn't work out. Now double your money and make it stack, on to the next one on to the next Blah, I don't know. I saw something like this coming from a mile away. I don't think the signs were vague AT ALL. As usual her instincts were right on (and so were TBF's, as usual) and she should have followed them. No point in torturing herself by repeatedly giving people the benefit of the doubt against her intuition and getting hurt. I think she needs to learn to stop taking disappointment to heart, though. I know it's hard for her, but in the future she should try not to get swept away after only a couple of dates by a guy who has been otherwise flakey. Her instincts were there when it came to his flakiness, yet they abandoned her when he was acting the most alarming imo by OVERDOING the interest. OG is a sweetheart and romantic and it unfortunately leads to a lot of disappointment in a brutal world. She's extremely smart, but she sometimes ignores her perceptive abilities when her heart's all in which can lead to her being a bit naively taken in by lame guys. Edited November 23, 2010 by northern_sky
Surrealist Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 It's a real catch 22 at times. You certainly don't want to blow someone off prematurely less you do yourself a disservice. Then again you don't want to get your hopes up and be sourly disappointed. I'm finding that people generally (and I mean generally, nothing at all to do with gender) are much less trustworthy these days, and I been around long enough to see the change.
welikeincrowds Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 she sometimes ignores her perceptive abilities when her heart's all in My gambling metaphor is so obnoxious that it has started to invade other posts. We don't disagree on a single point. Well, maybe when it comes to giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I see that as an insignificant style choice compared to the other issues at play here, which you address.
northern_sky Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 My gambling metaphor is so obnoxious that it has started to invade other posts. We don't disagree on a single point. Well, maybe when it comes to giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I see that as an insignificant style choice compared to the other issues at play here, which you address. I am writing this from a cafe in your city.
welikeincrowds Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I am writing this from a cafe in your city. Holy ****. Go to sleep.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Thanks shadow. Now that I look back on the last night, I see it all. It was SO over the top. It was WAY WAY too much for a second date, especially given the lack of contact in between the dates. It was like he was manic. He was just telling me all this stuff...and the thing is I am such a romantic at heart that I got swept up in it. He was really pressuring me to sleep at my place too thank gawd I didn't allow it. Stupidly, given how intense I am I kept thinking that this is how all my dates should have been like. I remembered the reserved conversation from dates with other guys etc. Now I realize that the reserved conversation is actually NORMAL for the second date. In the future, please point it out and burst my bubble. I really need a reality check when things like that are happening I hope I will bounce back from this soon.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Holy ****. Go to sleep. I can't figure out your previous user name
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