FanFan Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I have threatened to tell her but he told me he'd have nothing to lose if I ruined his marriage and would do something bad to get back at me. He asked if I like my cats which to me is a threat against them (he knows how much I love them). The "quality" of the MM often says a lot about the "quality" of his mistress. How do you feel about him as a person? How do you feel about yourself as a person? How dare you criticized his wife for being the "church type." What has she done to you? Better, yet, what have you done to her and her marriage.
Author JustWannaStop Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 The "quality" of the MM often says a lot about the "quality" of his mistress. How do you feel about him as a person? How do you feel about yourself as a person? How dare you criticized his wife for being the "church type." What has she done to you? Better, yet, what have you done to her and her marriage. I feel lousy about myself. And I criticize her because I am jealous. She is a good person. I am not but I want to be. There's nothing wrong with her faith. I was just being catty.
woinlove Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I feel lousy about myself. And I criticize her because I am jealous. She is a good person. I am not but I want to be. There's nothing wrong with her faith. I was just being catty. Being able to admit to such feelings is a positive step onto a better path. It is clear from LS that being an OW takes a horrendous toll on your self-esteem for most OW posting here. The first step to gaining back your self-esteem is ridding yourself of MM. It is good that you are ready to do that. Please don't fall back, even if he tries again and again and again... That is so frustrating, to see a person hurting so much, feeling so low, then hopping back onto the roller coaster again. Please stay strong, stay off and things will get better with time.
Author JustWannaStop Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 Being able to admit to such feelings is a positive step onto a better path. It is clear from LS that being an OW takes a horrendous toll on your self-esteem for most OW posting here. The first step to gaining back your self-esteem is ridding yourself of MM. It is good that you are ready to do that. Please don't fall back, even if he tries again and again and again... That is so frustrating, to see a person hurting so much, feeling so low, then hopping back onto the roller coaster again. Please stay strong, stay off and things will get better with time. I am feeling quite strong. Actively ending this and making it my choice has empowered me. I want to feel good about myself again. I've taken steps to get and keep him out of my life and vice versa. We work together so I started looking for a new job and found one. I probably won't start for another month but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I know his wife will be relieved when I leave my current job. The ups and downs is really taking it's toll on me. I used to think I didn't feel guilt over doing this but I think I was just refusing to acknowlege the effect my actions had on his family. I now feel very guilty and remorseful and that is huge motivation for ending this. Reading about other BS's pain has made me see what this has done to her and what it will do should she find out we are involved yet again. I hope it isn't too late. I hope she doesn't know.
Breezy Trousers Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 He's playing both of you. In addition to having power and control over your lives, he gets to be the center of attention and has no empathy for how it affects you or the wife. It's called narcissism. There's never love with a narcissist, only increasing attachment and suffering. You're lucky you can get out now. It's a more difficult road for his wife, perhaps, and not just because her husband had an affair with you. BTW, I was tempted by a powerful man at work two years ago. He came on strong! I believed we had "chemistry," but kept my distance because I had a wonderful husband I didn't want to lose over a sexual indulgence. I'm so glad I did! I began glimpsing the man's true colors within a year or so. He's an abusive man with, I believe, a personality disorder but wears such a tight charming mask that everyone thinks he's wonderful (except those who are targeted by him). In the past month there has been gossip that he is now having an affair with another secretary -- a woman who appears vulnerable and submissive. So now he's a sexual predator in my book. I'm definitely minding my own business -- it's their business, not mine -- but I feel some comfort praying for this woman each night (he's controlling and she has a reputation for low self esteem), as well as the man's wife. And my prayers are with you, too. It's a tough situation. Be kind to yourself. You're not a bad person trying to get good. IMO, you have some unconscious things about yourself you are becoming aware of through this experience. Once this comes to full awareness, you will be more compassionate toward yourself and others. Suffering does that! And you may find you have more in common with his wife than you suspect right now.
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