yoga18 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Feel free to look at some of my old posts to add to this story but to make a longer story a little shorter.....I'm with a great guy we get along very well I enjoy being with him. No relationship is perfect and ours is not for sure. We have been together going on 11 months. I have fallen in love with this man for everything that he is and the way he makes me feel (for the most part). I read another thread that takled about different love languages....and I'm wondering could that be what's going on with us? I have expressed myself to him and still he has not dropped the "L" bomb on me. I haven't pushed. I want to give him the time. We are both divorced. However, mine has been done for over 2 years, his will have been finalized about a year ago. He very much rushed that relationship and got engaged in 8 months, married within the year, and it was over in 18 months. So at this point he wants to take his time. I did talk with him not long ago about feeling like I was a "just for now girlfriend". My issues (many come from my divorce) my concerns etc....he said I'm the best person that he has ever been with and that he just wants to take his time with me to make sure he doesn't make the mistakes that he has made in the past. So why do I keep thinking to myself ....its been 11 months and I have doubts that he loves me....it hurts. He treats me as though he loves me. I know we are always saying actions speak louder than words but in this case I'm very much waiting to hear those words. Part of me is really scared of getting hurt again. This time there is so much more to lose. I've never felt this way....so am I overreaching or do you think its odd to not say I love you? I keep thinking our one year is right around the corner and it just has me really wondering. Be honest plz
Surrealist Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Okay I can understand your partner's caution, no problem there given his previous experiences. I do have a question mark over why he cannot say he loves you though. Unless he feels that saying that is tantamount to a commitment to engagement and marriage, I cannot see why he won't say that. Love is not something that needs to be institutionalized through marriage. I understand your concerns with this and you don't want to push him less he back away, but for your peace of mind, hopefully you can get this clarified in light conversation without having to lay it down hard?
Author yoga18 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 I really trust and believe in him. Not for a moment do I believe that he is shopping around. I have no idea why those 3 words mean so much but they do. Yet I'm not sure what type of affirmation it will bring. Its just hard to watch him treat me so well and not say it. Its really hard for me. I believe this even if taken away will be the most fulfilling relationship and most loving I will ever experience. Part of me feels that we are just not yet on the same page. Its fine but I guess I just worry that I am taking his actions and turning it into "oh he loves me" what if he never loves me
Author yoga18 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Okay I can understand your partner's caution, no problem there given his previous experiences. I do have a question mark over why he cannot say he loves you though. Unless he feels that saying that is tantamount to a commitment to engagement and marriage, I cannot see why he won't say that. Love is not something that needs to be institutionalized through marriage. I understand your concerns with this and you don't want to push him less he back away, but for your peace of mind, hopefully you can get this clarified in light conversation without having to lay it down hard? He told me he thought he was going to be married forever, said its taking time to realize that he failed at it. I believe that he loved her very much and gave her the world and when she turned out to be ridiculous he shut down and is now protecting his heart. I was on his computer and there was an article up that was titled "am I falling in love too fast?"
Author yoga18 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Some men aren't good at verbally expressing their emotions. But yeah, you are worrying a little too much about the 3-word ordeal. It sounds more like you want the validation from it. Either way, you are loved and that's all that matters. Yes I agree that validation is a big part for sure. He does have difficulty with communication I actually have given him letters prior to talking cause he seems more calm then we talk if I try to talk or say we need to talk he gets a deer in headlights look and I can tell he isn't focused so many seem to think it isn't a big deal just wondering would you still feel this way if I said we were together 2 years? My fear is that it will never happen....I know I'm worrying sorry
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