one-off Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 My ex fiance broke up with me in March this year. She got married in September this year to another man from her past. I'm still madly in love with her, faults and all. I think of her fondly most days. It was my fault the relationship ended. I didn't listen to her properly, and I had some eye opening and hard lessons to learn about being a man and growing up..something I thought I knew all about. Typical of my previous disposition. We were also LDR which was hard. She never cheated on me and she was always an amazing gf, except when we argued when she could be downright mean. This is insane. I should not be thinking about her. I'm happy for her because she is happy, and as much as it pained me I wished them both well and said I was happy for them, and I genuinly am happy for her, but I am so sooooo sad inside, and I miss her a great deal. I don't think she even knows. I have never had such a barrier as this. I mean she is married and I'm just on some wee island thousands of miles away. Any other girl and I would have been over her by now.... I still can;t shake that feeling inside of me that it's not the end of it...I know it sounds crazy... Please help.
hoping2heal Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 My ex fiance broke up with me in March this year. She got married in September this year to another man from her past. I'm still madly in love with her, faults and all. I think of her fondly most days. It was my fault the relationship ended. I didn't listen to her properly, and I had some eye opening and hard lessons to learn about being a man and growing up..something I thought I knew all about. Typical of my previous disposition. We were also LDR which was hard. She never cheated on me and she was always an amazing gf, except when we argued when she could be downright mean. This is insane. I should not be thinking about her. I'm happy for her because she is happy, and as much as it pained me I wished them both well and said I was happy for them, and I genuinly am happy for her, but I am so sooooo sad inside, and I miss her a great deal. I don't think she even knows. I have never had such a barrier as this. I mean she is married and I'm just on some wee island thousands of miles away. Any other girl and I would have been over her by now.... I still can;t shake that feeling inside of me that it's not the end of it...I know it sounds crazy... Please help. She is married now, that IS the end of it. In a sense, you should consider yourself lucky. Now you know you have no choice to move on. There is no waiting around wondering wether she will call and ask to get back together with you. She took up marital vows with another man. You may not want it to be the end of it, but it is. It is over, done, finished. Remember the lessons you have learned so you do not repeat those mistakes in the next relationship you get into.
NoLongerSad Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Find a new, hot woman and have some sex with her. That'll cure you.
Author one-off Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 (edited) :rolleyes:What? You are kidding me right? Don't preach at me. I'm already well aware of the fact she's married and I would only be kidding myself hoping she would come back, that's not the issue here... It's not the first time I had my heart broken! I would have thought the time scale all this happened in would raise some questions...I'm merely looking for some logical, outside the box perspective. This is a girl who never believed in marriage until we met, and decided that by august 10' she wanted to be settled down....My issue is this, that I get a very strong feeling this is a rebound, it was a shotgun wedding, all happened very fast. For her sake, I really hope it's not because as long as she is happy then I'll have a smile on my face. But I do still care about her and love her a lot, it doesn't mean I want her back, but I do worry about her and I don't want her to hurt. It's always possible that 2 people meet, fall in love off-the-bat and it's happy days there after. Edited November 23, 2010 by one-off
hoping2heal Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 :rolleyes:What? You are kidding me right? Don't preach at me. I'm already well aware of the fact she's married and I would only be kidding myself hoping she would come back, that's not the issue here... It's not the first time I had my heart broken! I was not preaching at you. I would have thought the time scale all this happened in would raise some questions...I'm merely looking for some logical, outside the box perspective. Does the time frame raise questions? Sure. That does not mean the marriage is not legitimate, the fact that you said it was someone in her past, made a lot of sense as to how it could be a legit marriage in such a short time frame. I've known a few couples who got engaged quickly, both having known the other "around town" in an acquaintance like fashion, and both having knowing the person fairly well. All three are still happily married with that person today despite how quick it happened. One in particular had ended a relationship 4 months prior. All of those weddings were questioned by friends and family "is it too fast?" "are you running from something?" yada yada yada. It apparently worked out fine in the end. Are you looking for someone to tell you "You know, she must still be in love with you that all happened so fast, it was probably one of those rebound marriages that won't work out and she'll come running back." Yeah okay, could happen and so could winning the lottery, being struck by lightening, and winning American Idol. This is a girl who never believed in marriage until we met, and decided that by august 10' she wanted to be settled down....My issue is this, that I get a very strong feeling this is a rebound, it was a shotgun wedding, all happened very fast. For her sake, I really hope it's not because as long as she is happy then I'll have a smile on my face. But I do still care about her and love her a lot, it doesn't mean I want her back, but I do worry about her and I don't want her to hurt. It's always possible that 2 people meet, fall in love off-the-bat and it's happy days there after. That happens more often then you think. What looks like a rebound to outsiders may start off as one or may not be one at all, but still turns into genuine love. You said this was a person from her past, so that tells me there was a lot more that took place than two people falling in love, and meeting and boom down the aisle we go. She may of married for security and not love. Or, after her relationship with you ended she had an epiphany about herself and her priorities in life, perhaps this person in her past seemed very compatible. The thing is, there are a thousand different speculations and possibilities that could have taken place. You do not know the dynamics between their relationship and likely never will. If you want to worry about her - okay - but what is the price to you in turn for that? You still love her and want her right? Why torment yourself?
Clep Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 :rolleyes:What? You are kidding me right? Don't preach at me. I'm already well aware of the fact she's married and I would only be kidding myself hoping she would come back, that's not the issue here... It's not the first time I had my heart broken! I would have thought the time scale all this happened in would raise some questions...I'm merely looking for some logical, outside the box perspective. This is a girl who never believed in marriage until we met, and decided that by august 10' she wanted to be settled down....My issue is this, that I get a very strong feeling this is a rebound, it was a shotgun wedding, all happened very fast. For her sake, I really hope it's not because as long as she is happy then I'll have a smile on my face. But I do still care about her and love her a lot, it doesn't mean I want her back, but I do worry about her and I don't want her to hurt. It's always possible that 2 people meet, fall in love off-the-bat and it's happy days there after. I don't hear any preaching. I hear a level headed person saying things you may not want to hear. I hear you hoping someone is going to agree with you that there may somehow be a chance because you "feel" that could happen. I also hear that you are hopeful someone will pick up on the whole rebound theory. If it was a rebound it might not be over then right? She may come to her senses and back to you. This wishful thinking really isn't going to make it happen and certainly isn't healthy for you. Who cares if the last line of your post is possible?
whichwayisup Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 My ex fiance broke up with me in March this year. She got married in September this year to another man from her past. I'm still madly in love with her, faults and all. I think of her fondly most days. Ouch. How long were you two together? March isn't that long ago, so just know it takes time to grieve and get over a huge loss like that. This woman was going to be your wife. All the dreams you had of sharing a life with her are gone. She ended it and found someone else, moved on quite fast. It hurts and takes a while to heal.. It sounds like you've held onto the love, held onto the intimate memories of her and maybe it's time now to be pro-active and try your best to not think about her anymore. Distract yourself, start dating again, and don't let yourself go down memorylane when it comes to her. You say you think of her fondly most days... Make those days less and less so she isn't in your head anymore! This could be why it's taking longer to get over her. Just a thought to consider.
whichwayisup Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 It was my fault the relationship ended. I didn't listen to her properly, and I had some eye opening and hard lessons to learn about being a man and growing up..something I thought I knew all about. Typical of my previous disposition. We were also LDR which was hard. She never cheated on me and she was always an amazing gf, except when we argued when she could be downright mean. Forgive yourself and just know that it wasn't all you. What if a year into the marriage her meanness during a fight got worse? Turned into anger alot of the time.. Who's to say you two would have worked out either way? Accepting all the blame for the break up doesn't do you any good.
hoping2heal Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Forgive yourself and just know that it wasn't all you. What if a year into the marriage her meanness during a fight got worse? Turned into anger alot of the time.. Who's to say you two would have worked out either way? Accepting all the blame for the break up doesn't do you any good. I agree with this. Relationships are not smooth sailing all the time. Even with two well meaning people, if you are both honest - there are always "kinks" to work out and things to get used to, compromises to be made etc etc etc. I have yet to get into a relationship where both of us is just wonderful. I don't mind that either - I like to think there is a real bond made when you grow together and work on things as a couple. It deepens things, that and - weather some storms builds trust and intimacy - you know that a wind storm won't knock the whole house down. If she couldn't stay around long enough to work through things with you, then it's likely at some point things would have come to a head and ended anyhow.
Author one-off Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 We were together for almost 2 years, we met while I was working overseas. Thank you for your replies. I appreciate the help, but it seems that some people are getting the wrong end of the stick. Although your advice is good, it's not relevant and nothing i don't already know. I can't make it any clearer than it's been written. I'm 37 and I'm no stranger to getting over over someone! I don't think this place is what I need. Regards. ZZ
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I dont understand what you are/were looking for by coming here? I thought I answered your questions, as did everybody else..The advice was good, which you said in your reply but you didn't like some of what was said, or we misunderstood you, and you run away? You still feel connected to her and feel whatever it is, isn't really over, almost like one day she'll wake up and realize she's made a mistake by marrying another man (too quickly) and come back to you? Is this what you meant? I hope you come back, but if you don't, good luck and I hope you find love again.
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