Do men prefer to sleep with lots of women that mean nothing,or be in a relationship?

November 23, 2010

Is true that men prefer to be single and to have lots of one night stands, or do they prefer to be in a relationship that is meaningful?

How do you win over the heart of a "player" who loves their freedom?

November 23, 2010

Is true that men prefer to be single and to have lots of one night stands, or do they prefer to be in a relationship that is meaningful?

How do you win over the heart of a "player" who loves their freedom?

Depends on the man, there's every kind out there.

The second question? Don't bother, you'll only wear yourself out for nothing. ahhh but of course the challenge of reforming him will be irresistible...lol...

November 23, 2010

I think it would be very difficult to categorize all men into one category or the other. Each person is different.

I can just speak for myself. I prefer long term meaningful relationships. For me; affection, company, memories, and someone to share life with are so much more important than sex.

November 23, 2010

How do you win over the heart of a "player" who loves their freedom?

You don't

The sooner you understand this the better.

November 23, 2010

Is true that men prefer to be single and to have lots of one night stands, or do they prefer to be in a relationship that is meaningful?

Depends on the guy. There are guys who like their personal freedom, have plenty of options, and thus decide they do not want to commit at all...or want to be "free" now and then commit in their mid to late 30s.

Then there are those who don't get into meaningless sex and crave the emotional aspects...hence why they seek out a girlfriend, relationship, and even marriage.

Then there are those who have been burned and/or had their heart broken...thus their feelings on love, commitment, etc...have been destroyed and thus they see women as only good for sex, thus they only go for sex and nothing more.

Just like we say to guys not to lump all women into one book, you can't do it with guys.

How do you win over the heart of a "player" who loves their freedom?

You don't...and I wish women would figure that one out.

Let's put it this way...say Mr Dreamboat can literally go out and get a new girl every week...and I'm talking about 8's, 9's and 10's. Whether he leads them on or they simply think they can "change his mind", he's thus getting the cream-of-the-crop (in terms of physical beauty and perhaps sexual prowess) women. He gets them into bed even with little effort, so he might not even have to date them, but simply meet up or run into them at the bar/club, buy them a few drinks, and she goes home with him.

So here's a guy that has loads of hot female options for easy sex...why would he give that up for one woman? Especially a 5, 6, or 7 who believes she's also an 8, 9, or 10 because she went to college and has a career or something.

NOW...I'm not trying to demean or minimalize women down to how they look and how good they are in bed...but playas do. Believe me, my years in the club scene and around people like this have shown me the reality. The ONLY things that matter to them are:

How hot is she
How good she might be in bed
How easy she might get into bed

I've seen women try to make the case of how they're "so much better" than those skanks he's banging, but they fail to realize that he could care less about her education, career, brains, how she's a "good person", etc...the playa only cares about the challenge, and the prize.

This is why so many women pursue them, and then end up angry later...wondering where all the "good men" are. The playas I know, even though they are older now, still think women are only good for sex and nothing more. They scoff even at my RL, thinking I'm a fool to give my heart to any woman.

I say this because too many women still think they can "change his mind" and make him a commitment man. I have yet to see this happen. I used to see playas get "tamed" when they accidentally knocked up a girl and thus was stuck...although I hear later they cheat many times. Now I just see them run out and be a deadbeat dad. Even heard of one who ran to Canada just to avoid responsibility.

I'm not saying all this as some "nice guy" trying to steer women to the "nice guys", but simply to tell the reality that many women need to figure out. In my book there isn't a future trying to "tame a playa".

I notice more women really are the playas...they keep playing themselves and lying to themselves.

November 23, 2010

Is true that men prefer to be single and to have lots of one night stands, or do they prefer to be in a relationship that is meaningful?

I strongly prefer one night stands and friends with benefits. Relationships are so complicated and messy; you gotta put in a lot of time and hard work and put your emotions on the line, and the vast majority of relationships don't end happily-ever-after (or else everybody would be marrying their first-and-only's). So what's the point of all that time and energy for just heartbreak in the end?

It's so, so much better to shoot straight to sex without any of the mess or emotions or commitment. There's nothing like it. I honestly believe it's the greatest thing in the world. It's so great to know that you turned on a woman so much that she abandoned her inhibitions and gave it/in right away. I would gladly trade all of my serious relationships for half as many one night stands and friends with benefits.

Edited November 23, 2010 by U1987

November 23, 2010

You don't...and I wish women would figure that one out.

Let's put it this way...say Mr Dreamboat can literally go out and get a new girl every week...and I'm talking about 8's, 9's and 10's. Whether he leads them on or they simply think they can "change his mind", he's thus getting the cream-of-the-crop (in terms of physical beauty and perhaps sexual prowess) women. He gets them into bed even with little effort, so he might not even have to date them, but simply meet up or run into them at the bar/club, buy them a few drinks, and she goes home with him.

So here's a guy that has loads of hot female options for easy sex...why would he give that up for one woman? Especially a 5, 6, or 7 who believes she's also an 8, 9, or 10 because she went to college and has a career or something.

NOW...I'm not trying to demean or minimalize women down to how they look and how good they are in bed...but playas do. Believe me, my years in the club scene and around people like this have shown me the reality. The ONLY things that matter to them are:

How hot is she
How good she might be in bed
How easy she might get into bed
I've seen women try to make the case of how they're "so much better" than those skanks he's banging, but they fail to realize that he could care less about her education, career, brains, how she's a "good person", etc...the playa only cares about the challenge, and the prize.

This is why so many women pursue them, and then end up angry later...wondering where all the "good men" are. The playas I know, even though they are older now, still think women are only good for sex and nothing more. They scoff even at my RL, thinking I'm a fool to give my heart to any woman.

I say this because too many women still think they can "change his mind" and make him a commitment man. I have yet to see this happen. I used to see playas get "tamed" when they accidentally knocked up a girl and thus was stuck...although I hear later they cheat many times. Now I just see them run out and be a deadbeat dad. Even heard of one who ran to Canada just to avoid responsibility.

I'm not saying all this as some "nice guy" trying to steer women to the "nice guys", but simply to tell the reality that many women need to figure out. In my book there isn't a future trying to "tame a playa".

I notice more women really are the playas...they keep playing themselves and lying to themselves.

Brilliant. I've sig'd the bolded. You don't want to try to tame a player--you'll just end up with your heart broken.

November 23, 2010

D-Jam,

I pretty much agree with everything you wrote but I just have a few questions:

What happens to most of these playas in their 40's, 50's, 60's and beyond? I know most of them are usually very good looking but what happens when their looks go and they have no back-up (so to speak in terms of what they can offer someone? i.e a decent personality and emotional stability). I heard the aging process usually hurts people who are unusally good looking the hardest.

From my experience, no one wants to be "the old guy", you know, the old geezer at the club who is still chasing 20-somethings and doesn't seem to understand that they're not into him while his hairline is receding or his belly gets bigger.

Maybe I'm naive, but men who have this "use them and lose them" attitude seem to be guys who are a little angry themselves, maybe they were burnt once and then decide to take it out on everyone else and make sure they're never emotionally vulnerable again.

Just curious, but are any of them ever really happy in the long haul?

November 23, 2010

"Is true that men prefer to be single and to have lots of one night stands, or do they prefer to be in a relationship that is meaningful?"

I prefer one night stands and the occasional summer fling and I sincerely believe most of my fellow men out there feel the same way in this day and age.

"How do you win over the heart of a "player" who loves their freedom"

You can win over a player and be the main girl in his life so long as you accept that he will be getting with other girls while you two are in a relationship together.

Thats just the way it works.

You can press the issue for exclusivity and have him lie to you if he thinks you're hot enough to keep around in his stable or you can just let him be himself and offer to join in on some of the fun times to be had with him and the other women he hooks up with.

This is how I and other players live our lives so I'm just giving you the honest answer here.

If thats not the kind of relationship you want to have find yourself a nice decent church going man or someone whose still got some semblance of traditional morality in the year 2010.

November 23, 2010

Whats funny is that these little girls are attracted to players but they wanna make them stop being players. Then why go for players in the first place? Dumb much?

November 23, 2010

Is true that men prefer to be single and to have lots of one night stands, or do they prefer to be in a relationship that is meaningful?

How do you win over the heart of a "player" who loves their freedom?

I am kind of surprised by the answers above because you clearly link the idea of "player" to "loving freedom" ...

So it depends what do you mean by player: a man who cheats and f--ks everything that comes his way, or somebody who is "just" afraid of commitment and keeps a distance (eg does not want to meet the family), and enjoys his freedom in the sense that he has no obligations towards his own family ... (but is basically loyal)?

Trust me: for many women, if you do not want to be fully committed, you simply qualify as a player. And it has nothing to do with your sex life.

Anyway, my point is: The latter guy (the one who does not commit) might change, but only if HE wants to (!), the former (who sleeps around) might also change, again, only if HE wants to (!)

There are different ways to "help" him go through the process, and I think you can successfully try to make him want it (the change), but like I said, the change is only possible, if HE wants it.

November 23, 2010

Short answer to the sleep with many or relationship comment; is it depends on the person and what's going on in their life at the time.

Personally, I hate the term 'player' when it is only used in referrence to guys. There are many female 'players' out there as well, mostly for the same reason's that guys have. Baggage and low self-esteem.

But, male or female, you don't tame a 'player'....they tame themselves.

November 23, 2010

Is true that men prefer to be single and to have lots of one night stands, or do they prefer to be in a relationship that is meaningful?

Depends on the man. I don't engage in ONS and casual sex. I hold myself to a higher standard and expect the same of the girl I'm dating.

How do you win over the heart of a "player" who loves their freedom?

You don't.

November 23, 2010

Is true that men prefer to be single and to have lots of one night stands, or do they prefer to be in a relationship that is meaningful?
How do you win over the heart of a "player" who loves their freedom?

No it isn't true.

Why would you want to win over that type of guy? Lets say you win him over successfully... then what? Then you get to live with a pathological liar, who cheats, and has emotional issues.

November 23, 2010

D-Jam,
I pretty much agree with everything you wrote but I just have a few questions:
What happens to most of these playas in their 40's, 50's, 60's and beyond? I know most of them are usually very good looking but what happens when their looks go and they have no back-up (so to speak in terms of what they can offer someone? i.e a decent personality and emotional stability). I heard the aging process usually hurts people who are unusally good looking the hardest.

From my experience, no one wants to be "the old guy", you know, the old geezer at the club who is still chasing 20-somethings and doesn't seem to understand that they're not into him while his hairline is receding or his belly gets bigger.
Maybe I'm naive, but men who have this "use them and lose them" attitude seem to be guys who are a little angry themselves, maybe they were burnt once and then decide to take it out on everyone else and make sure they're never emotionally vulnerable again.
Just curious, but are any of them ever really happy in the long haul?

Hmmmm, not sure how much insight I can give just by giving one example but I'm gonna try.

I have a friend who some people might refer to as a player. He's now 45. Somewhat of a beer gut and a little receding hairline. But ya know what? He still gets the ladies.

I don't see him as much of a player as I do a guy who's afraid to commit because of past life experiences. He's afraid of true intimacy, afraid to let anyone get TOO close to him, afraid of committment. He knows all this. Actually even goes to therapy for it. If you don't take the time to get to know him you would just think he was a player.

But through years of this behavior, he has learned the skills. He's very charming, is so use to women throwing themselves at him that he's not afraid of rejection at all. He'll walk up to anyone in a club to talk to her. He charms them all. The fact that he doesn't want to lose his freedom and the fact that you can't get him to commit will still make the girls think they will change him. That they will be the one to reform him. It's a challenge.

So all I'm saying is that this guy has lost much of his looks (was absolutely a really great looking guy in his 20's and 30's), had a belly and receding hairline, but girls are still attracted to him because he's charming, polite, funny, fun to be with, he can make a girl feel really good about herself, will dance on the dance floor, treat you like a lady, and a challenge to pin down.

Just when I think karma will bite him in the butt, I'm proved wrong. But the real problem is that inside he really is hurting. Took himself to a therapist over it. So who knows. But he still gets the girls.

November 23, 2010

People (male and female) only want to change their ways if THEY want to change, you can't make him change for you just because you want to see them become a certain way to suit you and your needs

This refers to not only players, but addicts or any kind, drug users, gamblers, alcoholics etc.

Different strokes for different folks. Maybe instead of asking what you need to do to "change" him or "win over the heart of a pler who loves their freedom", you need to be thinking about what you really want for yourself, what will make you happy and look for a guy who wants something similar. "Forcing" a square peg into a round hole is never a good idea.

It never fits.

November 23, 2010

Oh and I should add, that I don't think anyone could change him.

So when you ask how do you get a player to commit? I say 'you can't make a leopard change its spots'. No matter where those spots come from, he is not changing.

And again, here is a guy who has no shortage of girls. He's slowing down through the years, and is dating women his age. But he's never lacking for a girl who will sleep with him. Or do the FWB thing. I feel worse for the girls who dates him and in the beginning will think 'wow, what a great guy. Wonder why he's still on the market?'. The answer would be 'cuz he wants to be. And he will be again when he's done with you and moves on cuz you're getting too close'.

November 23, 2010

I prefer to be with a woman I love which I am but I have high standards for it which she more than meets. I would however much prefer the life of a player to how some of the married and commited men I know live. I can't speak for other men but for me it is real love or nothing at all. If I never met my wife who knows where I would be but I would have no problem being single if a woman of her quality never came along.

As for taming a player you can't. If you however do want the slightest chance of getting a player to change for you fall in love with the sweet and loving side that even the hardest men have deep inside. If a woman can speak that side of him without taking advantage of it she will truly touch a man's heart. Everyday he gets women lusting over his swagger and cockiness so this will not impress him.

November 23, 2010

I strongly prefer one night stands and friends with benefits. Relationships are so complicated and messy; you gotta put in a lot of time and hard work and put your emotions on the line, and the vast majority of relationships don't end happily-ever-after (or else everybody would be marrying their first-and-only's). So what's the point of all that time and energy for just heartbreak in the end?

It's so, so much better to shoot straight to sex without any of the mess or emotions or commitment. There's nothing like it. I honestly believe it's the greatest thing in the world. It's so great to know that you turned on a woman so much that she abandoned her inhibitions and gave it/in right away. I would gladly trade all of my serious relationships for half as many one night stands and friends with benefits.

Funny, I find the ONS and FWB thing to be far messier and more complicated. Whose emotions and commitment are you talking about? Most FWB arrangements have one person wanting more so you have to deal with that. If you're seeing multiple people you have to keep all your stories straight or someone's feelings will get hurt. By far the best sex I ever had was in an intimate relationship. It usually gets better as you get to know someone.

The friends I have who are players? Usually pretty tortured people, maybe not all but most. Trying to fill a void that can't be filled from the outside. Many also ended up addicted to something else too.

November 23, 2010

I've seen women settle players down. The thing is those women aren't trying to "land him" as a matter of fact they are unavailable to him and could really care less. If you are trying to settle a player down they will surely realize this and flee or pretend. He has to want you and is willing to put in the work to show it.

November 23, 2010

What happens to most of these playas in their 40's, 50's, 60's and beyond?

Nobody's really supposed to talk about that, but when I went to a certain singles club's meetings, they were mostly women 50-60 who looked like overweight, overdressed Dolly Parton wannabes (there were fewer guys of any age group). My impression was that they had played HTG for so long that in the end, the men stopped chasing them, and now they were trying to bag younger men. Pathetic... but not as pathetic as the ones out in the deserts in San Bernardino county, who still try to act like hot hussies in their 70s and 80s.

D-Jam,Maybe I'm naive, but men who have this "use them and lose them" attitude seem to be guys who are a little angry themselves, maybe they were burnt once and then decide to take it out on everyone else and make sure they're never emotionally vulnerable again.
Just curious, but are any of them ever really happy in the long haul?

Some of them are. They look back and decide it was all worth it. They are "pleasure-centered" and are incapable of feeling guilt or regret. For them, the end ALWAYS justifies the means.

Personally, I hate the term 'player' when it is only used in referrence to guys. There are many female 'players' out there as well, mostly for the same reason's that guys have. Baggage and low self-esteem.

That's only about half right. Men have no monopoly on being players (why do you think the Pill was invented?), but I've met plenty of female players with loads of self-esteem bordering on arrogance. They know they can string men along, and by being easy, female players know they can get any guy they want---almost. Brainy guys and those with laundry lists generally avoid such women, which is just fine because female players can't charm them; but these women know that for every brainy or picky man, there are dozens of loose men who are easier to catch and reel in.

November 23, 2010

This refers to not only players, but addicts or any kind, drug users, gamblers, alcoholics etc.

Many also ended up addicted to something else too.

Like I said, pleasure-centered personalities.

ANYTHING can be addictive if it gets a pleasure response. Doesn't have to be a substance.

November 23, 2010

They are "pleasure-centered" and are incapable of feeling guilt or regret. For them, the end ALWAYS justifies the means.

Look up in the DSM IV, and that's practically the definition of a sociopath or Antisocial Personality Disorder.

Other mental illness with this as a symptom include:

- Narcissistic Personality Disorder

- Histrionic Personality Disorder

November 23, 2010

What happens to most of these playas in their 40's, 50's, 60's and beyond?

Well, like I said, not all of them adhere to the "single for life" mantra. Many of them simply just enjoy the bachelor life more and aren't willing to sign into marriage in their mid to late 20s the way many in the past expected of them.

I've seen many guys who say they would like to settle down in life, but think "near 40" is the ideal time. Until then they want to get their lives going in their early 20s, and then perhaps enjoy those times when they have money and are young and single. So they want to be able to play X-Box all night on a weeknight or watch football all weekend or go out and pick up some random girl to bang...and not have some girlfriend around nagging them.

I've seen some of these guys eventually meet someone they like and marry them, while others tend to get too comfy in their bachelor lifestyle...and thus make excuses when people ask them if they would settle down. Suddenly it seems no girl is "good enough" for them.

I know most of them are usually very good looking but what happens when their looks go and they have no back-up (so to speak in terms of what they can offer someone? i.e a decent personality and emotional stability). I heard the aging process usually hurts people who are unusally good looking the hardest.

Well (and I've heard women complain about this), men do tend to look better as they age. Lord knows I had better luck with women in my 30s than I ever did in my 20s. I do remember a few guys who are in their late 40s and even early 50s...and are still "playas" to a degree.

One of them can still pick up hot 20something girls, but he preys on golddiggers and uses them. He is a EVP of an ad agency who lives in a luxury condo and drives a Porche. The other owns many bars and a few nightclubs. He might not be able to pick up 20somethings, but he does find plenty of pretty 30 and 40 somethings he can lure into bed. Not all women "grow out of that phase" after all.

From my experience, no one wants to be "the old guy", you know, the old geezer at the club who is still chasing 20-somethings and doesn't seem to understand that they're not into him while his hairline is receding or his belly gets bigger.

From what I've seen, some of those guys marry, some simply take a "step down", so instead of the aspiring model or the hot cocktail waitress they are instead dating/banging the older, slender diner waitress. My uncle is like this I'm embarrassed to say.

Maybe I'm naive, but men who have this "use them and lose them" attitude seem to be guys who are a little angry themselves, maybe they were burnt once and then decide to take it out on everyone else and make sure they're never emotionally vulnerable again.

You're very right...which is why I pointed out how there are guys who were very relationship minded, but they got burned a few times and thus changed. They stopped trusting women and even grew to hate them...thus they see "pump and dump" as revenge. They see it as getting what they want and denying them the very thing they want.

Just curious, but are any of them ever really happy in the long haul?

Some. Some fall in love, lower their guard, and give things a real shot. Some simply go look at other things than sex...and stop worrying or caring if they have someone. Others grow old and bitter.

My key point to my other reply is simply to yet again try to disparage women from believing they can "beat the odds". Look at it this way, if the guy has pumped and dumped 100 different women, would any woman really want to make a husband out of him? Say he was as hot as a male celebrity (pick one) and wealthy with amazing charm and charisma...but he's been pumping and dumping women like crazy, would a sensible woman want to try to make a husband out of that?

I know the insecure and naive women will try, because like the nice guys who chase shallow bitches, they only see what they want to see. A few girls I've known who were burned (even knocked up) by some playas always spoke of how he was so nice at first and was such a suave gentleman...but then changed after they had sex a few times. They never seem to get that it's all an act.

I want women to realize that if they want relationships, marriage, etc...then they will have to choose from the men who WANT THAT. Period. It's why I tell women if he's showing he doesn't want marriage, commitment, etc, or he won't give you what you want in a RL...then leave. You're just wasting your time.

November 23, 2010

One of my female friends is currently dealing with this type of guy and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why she's doing it and dealing with the crap that he's putting her thru.

With all the shows on tv glamourizing the "hit it and quit it" lifestyle nowadays, I think the nice guy type is slowly becoming extinct.

Edited November 23, 2010 by just1guy

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