I'm back . . .

[unsure10]

Hi everyone I posted on here a few weeks ago now saying that I was considering having an affair with my married boss but that I was not going to sleep with him as I was too worried about getting hurt . . . well I have slept with him, as you all warned me not to. He didn't want to as he said that if we slept together that he wouldn't be able to control the situation.

 

I slept with him for the first time 3 weeks ago and have done twice more since then. Things have suddenly got a bit crazy since then!! He knows that I have fallen in love with him and he says he has fallen for me and that there is no going back now. He is a genuine man and is finding it very hard being at home with his wife now.

 

He says he fears he will be caught out at any time and that he wants to be with me all of the time. He has started to make my sandwiches and bring them into work for me (he's my boss) and still takes me for lunch where we talk about anything and everything for 3 hours at a time.

 

He told me that he was still sleeping with his wife when we started seeing each other but that since he slept with me he feels unable to and is starting to run out of excuses now. His wife is a heavy drinker and he has been deeply unhappy for 8 years now but never says a bad word against her to me. Today, he told me that he wants to divorce her, to sell their house in June next year and for us to be together (his son sits A level's and daughter GCSE's both in June next year) so understandably he doesn't want them to fail them because of our actions.

 

He wants me to go with him to see a solicitor. What I am wanting to know from you guys is whether you think (as I do ) that this is genuine. We talk all day at work as only us two in our surgery, we talk on the phone, we go for lunch when we could just be off in a hotel somewhere so surely this is genuine? I love this man and he still takes me out in public and says things like ' I can't wait to introduce you to my family and friends ' and ' when the staff find out they will be so shocked about us'. He has mentioned us going abroad to work in a few years time when he sells the practice and all of his future plans he mentions me. He has never cheated 110% and his wife is already suspicious. He also says that he isn't sure he can wait 7 months for us to be together but has to try and think of the kids??????

 

This is all I could have hoped for as I feel I have found the person i have been looking for for so long . . . but, how do i know I'm not a mug like so many??????

 

Please help xxx:o

[whichwayisup]

What does your gut say?

 

The odds are stacked against you. sorry but from what you've said he's said, it's just words. Unless action is to follow, don't believe every word he is telling you. Plus, you only know ONE side of what he says about his wife.. He is cheating on her.

[unsure10]

My gut tells me he is totally genuine. He has never badmouthed her to me. It's others who have told me that she is a heavy drinker and that is why they live quite separate lives now. He has booked an appointment for next week for me and him to go and see his solicitor (says he needs moral support). He knows she will take him to the cleaners but although he is wealthy he is not materialistic at all (drives old car etc) and says he thinks happiness is more important than material posessions.

 

He called me the other night to ask me if I was 100% sure as once he starts this there is no going back. Why would he say that? His wife owns part of his business and he says he has been working out how much he would need to borrow from the bank to buy her out and that he has even thought that if I left him in the future he would still be happier alone than living (or existing) as he is now.

[whichwayisup]

My gut tells me he is totally genuine. He has never badmouthed her to me.

 

Your heart and gut are two different things. Emotions have to be put in the back seat on this one. You have read numerous threads by OW on here, yes? With that said, apply it to your situation. take a step back, LOOK at the facts. He is your boss. He is married, with kids. He is older than you.

It's others who have told me that she is a heavy drinker and that is why they live quite separate lives now.

 

Others who? Co-workers? His closest friends, gossiping about his life? Unless you are a fly on their wall in their home, only he and his wife know the truth there..

 

He has booked an appointment for next week for me and him to go and see his solicitor (says he needs moral support).

 

DO NOT get involved in this. He needs to go see the lawyer on his own.

He knows she will take him to the cleaners but although he is wealthy he is not materialistic at all (drives old car etc) and says he thinks happiness is more important than material posessions.

 

Many MM say that apparently..

 

He called me the other night to ask me if I was 100% sure as once he starts this there is no going back. Why would he say that?

 

Translation? I am not going to even think about leaving or divorcing my wife, unless I know you will be there for me.

 

WRONG reason to leave the marriage. FOR YOU, but not for himself? He had NO intention of ever leaving his marriage until you came along.. That is, if he truly means what he's told you. He's in fog too, affairyland.

 

His wife owns part of his business and he says he has been working out how much he would need to borrow from the bank to buy her out and that he has even thought that if I left him in the future he would still be happier alone than living (or existing) as he is now.

 

RED FLAG. If he feels this way what you do or don't do shouldn't make a difference in his decision to leave his wife.

[fooled once]

Hi everyone I posted on here a few weeks ago now saying that I was considering having an affair with my married boss but that I was not going to sleep with him as I was too worried about getting hurt . . . well I have slept with him, as you all warned me not to. He didn't want to as he said that if we slept together that he wouldn't be able to control the situation.

 

I slept with him for the first time 3 weeks ago and have done twice more since then. Things have suddenly got a bit crazy since then!! He knows that I have fallen in love with him and he says he has fallen for me and that there is no going back now. He is a genuine man and is finding it very hard being at home with his wife now.

 

He says he fears he will be caught out at any time and that he wants to be with me all of the time. He has started to make my sandwiches and bring them into work for me (he's my boss) and still takes me for lunch where we talk about anything and everything for 3 hours at a time.

 

He told me that he was still sleeping with his wife when we started seeing each other but that since he slept with me he feels unable to and is starting to run out of excuses now. His wife is a heavy drinker and he has been deeply unhappy for 8 years now but never says a bad word against her to me. Today, he told me that he wants to divorce her, to sell their house in June next year and for us to be together (his son sits A level's and daughter GCSE's both in June next year) so understandably he doesn't want them to fail them because of our actions.

 

He wants me to go with him to see a solicitor. What I am wanting to know from you guys is whether you think (as I do ) that this is genuine. We talk all day at work as only us two in our surgery, we talk on the phone, we go for lunch when we could just be off in a hotel somewhere so surely this is genuine? I love this man and he still takes me out in public and says things like ' I can't wait to introduce you to my family and friends ' and ' when the staff find out they will be so shocked about us'. He has mentioned us going abroad to work in a few years time when he sells the practice and all of his future plans he mentions me. He has never cheated 110% and his wife is already suspicious. He also says that he isn't sure he can wait 7 months for us to be together but has to try and think of the kids??????

 

This is all I could have hoped for as I feel I have found the person i have been looking for for so long . . . but, how do i know I'm not a mug like so many??????

 

Please help xxx:o

What happened to you getting a new job?

 

So the office knows you two are lovers now, right? I mean, if you two are having 3 hour lunches, talking during surgeries, giving each other goo goo eyes at work,etc., they have to know. Ugh.... that is not good.

 

Saying something and ACTUALLY doing something are two different things.

 

Let him go by HIMSELF to the lawyer - it is HIS marriage, not yours.

 

He wants to know you will take him or else he will just stay married. Many MM say this and many MM keep an OW in the wings for years.

 

 

Your heart and gut are two different things. Emotions have to be put in the back seat on this one. You have read numerous threads by OW on here, yes? With that said, apply it to your situation. take a step back, LOOK at the facts. He is your boss. He is married, with kids. He is older than you.

 

 

Others who? Co-workers? His closest friends, gossiping about his life? Unless you are a fly on their wall in their home, only he and his wife know the truth there..

 

 

 

DO NOT get involved in this. He needs to go see the lawyer on his own.

 

 

Many MM say that apparently..

 

 

 

Translation? I am not going to even think about leaving or divorcing my wife, unless I know you will be there for me.

 

WRONG reason to leave the marriage. FOR YOU, but not for himself? He had NO intention of ever leaving his marriage until you came along.. That is, if he truly means what he's told you. He's in fog too, affairyland.

 

 

 

RED FLAG. If he feels this way what you do or don't do shouldn't make a difference in his decision to leave his wife.

 

AGREE. AGREE. AGREE.

[twinsmom]

I foresee such heartbreak resulting from this...I hope I'm wrong, but...

[siuys]

Unsure, I don't mean to be a party pooper but do proceed with caution. Your MM sounds a lot like mine when we first got together - the grand plans, the future, the totally in love phase, the awesome sex etc. He moved out 2 months after we met. Things started falling apart about 5 months into the R. He freaked, and all the associated guilt, shame, sense of failure, sense of responsibilities to his family, missing his kids etc. As a result, he was emotionally very unstable, and swaying - went back to his wife twice only to come back. Long story short, just be careful. You guys have not been together long. Take it easy. See what he does. Even if he does some of the things he said he's going to do, doesn't mean few months down the track it will be the same. It's not plain sailing. My xMM also never bad-mouthed his W. They have a fairly amicable relationship, but intimacy is missing, communication a real problem.

 

Good luck, maybe you're one of the lucky ones but as many of us know, the odds are against you...

[OWoman]

unsure:

 

* the kids will not fail because he moves out now. If his W is already suspicious, then there are already vibes - these will affect the kids whether or not he moves out now, or stalls until June. (and, if their exams do go badly, they can resit. It's not the end of the world...)

 

* if he wants to go to a solicitor, encourage him to do so. Whatever he decides, making a decision with the help of that information can only be a good thing.

 

* whether you should go with him - I'd compromise. I wouldn't sit in on the consultation - especially an initial consultation - because that would constrain what he, and his lawyer, are able to say openly to each other. But if he's wanting "moral support", why not go with him to the building, leave him to go in and see the lawyer, while you go for coffee nearby. He can come and join you when he's done, he can debrief if he wants, and then you can both go back to work.

 

* whether he's genuine - only time will tell. If you trust him, and want to be together, fair enough - but do keep an open mind on this. Even with the best will and truest love in the world, some MMs still don't manage to make the break. So even an honorable, genuine man could still let you down.

 

* Be supportive, but don't let your hopes run away with you. Even if it does all work out, it will still take time and it won't be without pain.

 

Hang in there!

[BB07]

I wish you had heeded the advice given to you previously about not getting into a complicated situation but you've already went past the point of no return.

 

I'm afraid that you have not allowed yourself to grieve the ending of your marriage and now you've jumped into an affair and it's covering up the feelings that you really are going to have to deal with sooner or later. A new love does not erase the left-overs from the past.

 

Seems that for both of you, that your feet aren't touching the ground right now, but they will have to sooner or later and be prepared for getting your knees scraped and maybe buckled. You've got a long bumpy ride ahead of you, no matter what the final result is.

 

If I were you, I guess I'd hope for the best but expect the worst. That is more often than not the reality.

[Spiritgirl]

I wish you had heeded the advice given to you previously about not getting into a complicated situation but you've already went past the point of no return.

 

I'm afraid that you have not allowed yourself to grieve the ending of your marriage and now you've jumped into an affair and it's covering up the feelings that you really are going to have to deal with sooner or later. A new love does not erase the left-overs from the past.

 

Seems that for both of you, that your feet aren't touching the ground right now, but they will have to sooner or later and be prepared for getting your knees scraped and maybe buckled. You've got a long bumpy ride ahead of you, no matter what the final result is.

 

If I were you, I guess I'd hope for the best but expect the worst. That is more often than not the reality.

 

I totally agree with this. I read your old threads and noticed that on the last one people kept giving you great advice and you never even posted again. It seems to me you are truly caught up in this addiction and you are looking for support and validation to continue. It surprises me that you would continue to ask here when so many have (while supporting you) given you straight up truth about the likely outcome.

 

Even if things do work out with this man you will have to face yourself eventually. Going into a relationship with so much baggage and unhealed emotions will catch up with you at some point. Right now, its evident that your self esteem is based on how this man (and likely any future men) treat you. That is no way to cultivate a healthy relationship and quite honestly, you are doing yourself a great disservice for your future happiness will depend on the actions of another.

 

Also, I think it is incredibly disrespectful to bring the new woman to the attorney to discuss divorce. Wow. How would you like it if you found out that your ex had brought another woman to the lawyer with him to discuss the ending of your marriage? Being the other woman is one thing, but stay well out of his business regarding his marriage. Shame on him for trying to bring you in.

 

Hopefully you will get something out of what people here have told you.

In the meantime, when you are really ready for some help, then ask away. But please dont bother posting for help if you dont want to or are not ready to hear the responses.

[phillyfan]

Hi everyone I posted on here a few weeks ago now saying that I was considering having an affair with my married boss but that I was not going to sleep with him as I was too worried about getting hurt . . . well I have slept with him, as you all warned me not to. He didn't want to as he said that if we slept together that he wouldn't be able to control the situation.

 

I slept with him for the first time 3 weeks ago and have done twice more since then. Things have suddenly got a bit crazy since then!! He knows that I have fallen in love with him and he says he has fallen for me and that there is no going back now. He is a genuine man and is finding it very hard being at home with his wife now.

 

He says he fears he will be caught out at any time and that he wants to be with me all of the time. He has started to make my sandwiches and bring them into work for me (he's my boss) and still takes me for lunch where we talk about anything and everything for 3 hours at a time.

 

He told me that he was still sleeping with his wife when we started seeing each other but that since he slept with me he feels unable to and is starting to run out of excuses now. His wife is a heavy drinker and he has been deeply unhappy for 8 years now but never says a bad word against her to me. Today, he told me that he wants to divorce her, to sell their house in June next year and for us to be together (his son sits A level's and daughter GCSE's both in June next year) so understandably he doesn't want them to fail them because of our actions.

 

He wants me to go with him to see a solicitor. What I am wanting to know from you guys is whether you think (as I do ) that this is genuine. We talk all day at work as only us two in our surgery, we talk on the phone, we go for lunch when we could just be off in a hotel somewhere so surely this is genuine? I love this man and he still takes me out in public and says things like ' I can't wait to introduce you to my family and friends ' and ' when the staff find out they will be so shocked about us'. He has mentioned us going abroad to work in a few years time when he sells the practice and all of his future plans he mentions me. He has never cheated 110% and his wife is already suspicious. He also says that he isn't sure he can wait 7 months for us to be together but has to try and think of the kids??????

 

This is all I could have hoped for as I feel I have found the person i have been looking for for so long . . . but, how do i know I'm not a mug like so many??????

 

Please help xxx:o

 

WTF is he waitin 7 months for. Dude, anyone that comes up with a random time limit like that is suspect.

[OWoman]

WTF is he waitin 7 months for. Dude, anyone that comes up with a random time limit like that is suspect.

 

Because of this:

 

(his son sits A level's and daughter GCSE's both in June next year) so understandably he doesn't want them to fail them because of our actions.