Falling for someone in a committed relationship?!

[sweetenough]

Hello everyone, first off I'd like to say that I feel a bit silly posting on this thread! After reading everyone else's posts I realise my situation is nothing compared to what a lot of you are going through. I'm just not sure where to turn right now, my best friend is a complete angel and is helping me through but I haven't told her the whole story- maybe you guys could help me?

 

So, I'll begin with my age- I'm 17. I know I am young, and I know this is lust in the making and all about the puppy love, I totally get that- I came here to get a more mature view on what is going on? Seeing as I'm sure most of you are over 17 and know more about the male race than me :-)

 

He is 19 years old, we met in September through college. We became friends in October on a long weekend to Paris (it was for college, unfortunately!) as we sat next to each other on the plane home. Of course, he has a girlfriend and I assume they have been together for about two and a half years. They are very much an exclusive couple and people know this.

 

As of now, we are good friends. He has never, ever spoken about his girlfriend to me- the only time I have heard of her was when he was on the phone to her whilst I was around (and he asked her to ring him back later that night). His girlfriend knows who I am, he has told her. I don't know what she knows but he mentioned me when in that phone call.

 

Sorry for all the background- here is the real stuff. The reason I am falling for him is because of the way he looks at me. He looks directly into my eyes and never looks away until I do, if we prolong the look he will begin to smile. He smiles all the time- we are really comfortable around one another and can talk about anything. I can be myself around him and it feels great. I know if this doesn't work out, we will be best friends. Other people are starting to notice our chemistry, to the point of asking our mutual friends if we are a couple.

 

He presses his leg up against mine, tries to be alone (in elevators etc.) and gives the most amazing cuddles! I won't lie to you, I have been there and done that with guys with girlfriends. I like the thrill, I am young. I haven't had sex- but live with no regrets, right? They might be the one.

 

I don't want to continue this 'guy with girlfriend' frenzy, I actually care about this one. Maybe it's because we're friends- but I'm just not sure where to go from here? I don't even know if he wants to be more than friends. He's not a 'booty call' guy- and seems to be faithful to his girl. for the minute.

 

any advice AT ALL would work wonders for me! Thanks :-)

[harmfulsweetz]

Hello everyone, first off I'd like to say that I feel a bit silly posting on this thread! After reading everyone else's posts I realise my situation is nothing compared to what a lot of you are going through. I'm just not sure where to turn right now, my best friend is a complete angel and is helping me through but I haven't told her the whole story- maybe you guys could help me?

 

So, I'll begin with my age- I'm 17. I know I am young, and I know this is lust in the making and all about the puppy love, I totally get that- I came here to get a more mature view on what is going on? Seeing as I'm sure most of you are over 17 and know more about the male race than me :-)

 

He is 19 years old, we met in September through college. We became friends in October on a long weekend to Paris (it was for college, unfortunately!) as we sat next to each other on the plane home. Of course, he has a girlfriend and I assume they have been together for about two and a half years. They are very much an exclusive couple and people know this.

 

As of now, we are good friends. He has never, ever spoken about his girlfriend to me- the only time I have heard of her was when he was on the phone to her whilst I was around (and he asked her to ring him back later that night). His girlfriend knows who I am, he has told her. I don't know what she knows but he mentioned me when in that phone call.

 

Sorry for all the background- here is the real stuff. The reason I am falling for him is because of the way he looks at me. He looks directly into my eyes and never looks away until I do, if we prolong the look he will begin to smile. He smiles all the time- we are really comfortable around one another and can talk about anything. I can be myself around him and it feels great. I know if this doesn't work out, we will be best friends. Other people are starting to notice our chemistry, to the point of asking our mutual friends if we are a couple.

 

He presses his leg up against mine, tries to be alone (in elevators etc.) and gives the most amazing cuddles! I won't lie to you, I have been there and done that with guys with girlfriends. I like the thrill, I am young. I haven't had sex- but live with no regrets, right? They might be the one.

 

I don't want to continue this 'guy with girlfriend' frenzy, I actually care about this one. Maybe it's because we're friends- but I'm just not sure where to go from here? I don't even know if he wants to be more than friends. He's not a 'booty call' guy- and seems to be faithful to his girl. for the minute.

 

any advice AT ALL would work wonders for me! Thanks :-)

 

You mention "the thrill" which makes me question the true validity of your feelings-I mean, are you not just excited because there's thrill there, and if he was single, you would not have the same interest level? You're young, but the thing is, you know you are going to potentially hurt someone, and seem to go out of your way to do it? I don't mean that nastily, I'd just personally wait for this guy to be single before pursuing all of that. If you are falling for him, do you want to share him with someone else?

[sweetenough]

You mention "the thrill" which makes me question the true validity of your feelings-I mean, are you not just excited because there's thrill there, and if he was single, you would not have the same interest level? You're young, but the thing is, you know you are going to potentially hurt someone, and seem to go out of your way to do it? I don't mean that nastily, I'd just personally wait for this guy to be single before pursuing all of that. If you are falling for him, do you want to share him with someone else?

 

Thank you for replying :-)

 

Yeah I know, I am a thrill-chaser! But it's not that at all, I do genuinely like this guy. He has an amazing personality and I feel comfortable around him. I would definitely be interested if he was single- I would probably be trying to arrange a date if I'm honest! Hurting someone is actually the reason I am posting here, I really DON'T want to hurt him or his girlfriend like I have hurt and been hurt in the past through mistakes I have made. I know you are right- I need to wait for him to become available and I'm okay with that, I guess I need to look at it as gaining a best friend. Thanks again!

[harmfulsweetz]

Thank you for replying :-)

 

Yeah I know, I am a thrill-chaser! But it's not that at all, I do genuinely like this guy. He has an amazing personality and I feel comfortable around him. I would definitely be interested if he was single- I would probably be trying to arrange a date if I'm honest! Hurting someone is actually the reason I am posting here, I really DON'T want to hurt him or his girlfriend like I have hurt and been hurt in the past through mistakes I have made. I know you are right- I need to wait for him to become available and I'm okay with that, I guess I need to look at it as gaining a best friend. Thanks again!

 

 

I'd just wait it out, be a friend to him and see if he becomes available in the future. Obviously, if another equally fantastic guy comes along in the meantime don't pass up on him!

 

Good luck

[whichwayisup]

I think hoping he'll either be your boyfriend one day soon or even your bestfriend isn't a great idea. Your heart is growing fonder of him and the fact he has a girlfriend, is going to hurt you in the long run. Already (reading between the lines here) you have high expectations. Imagine if you had a boyfriend, would you be totally okay knowing your boyfriend had a friend who was very into him, thought of him as HER bestfriend? Just something to think about.

 

I'm more worried about YOUR heart here, than his. He's a big boy at the age of 19 and honestly him cuddling you, isn't appropriate seeing as he has a girlfriend. She wouldn't be happy about this, nor the flirting and sexual chemistry between you two. Getting too emotionally attached etc..

 

Age isn't the issue here, fact that he has gf, you are wasting love and energy on someone who isn't available to return that love back. IF he does, it's on the expense of his innocent girlfriend and he'll be a cheater.

[Dexter Morgan]

any advice AT ALL would work wonders for me! Thanks :-)

 

he's a player/cheater. he has a girlfriend and doesn't mind getting close to you.

 

he does it with you, he'll do it on you.

 

So if you can handle the fact that he'll be rubbing up against another honey later on if you 2 end up hooking up, then have at it. You could save his girlfriend from him now so she isn't wasting any more time with him, and can be out there finding a decent guy.

[MorningCoffee]

I am a guy, and I think he's just playing with you -- he's a 19-year old guy who hasn't much maturity and certainly isn't very considerate of either his GF or your feelings. Not good for you!

Edited November 23, 2010 by MorningCoffee