My ex ex called me sobbing

[northern_sky]

The guy who brought me to LS and I had a miserable relationship with for three years (we broke up a year ago).

 

Our conversation was really...bizarre.

 

He's somebody who was extremely emotionally unavailable, almost robotic, and I only ever saw cry once while we were together (about his mother), despite the fact that our relationship was very emotionally charged.

 

I never felt like he really loved me. He would go almost sociopathic at times in terms of dumping me out of the blue with little or no provocation and being snide when I cried. We did have some really good times together, but they were overshadowed by those moments.

 

We've kept in very low contact. He ims me every once in awhile.

 

I feel nothing for him anymore. I'm sort of surprised by this, since we went through so much...you'd think there'd be some residual feelings. But I have a certain deep coldness of my own inside. I can be extremely loving, but when somebody crosses a line, my feelings for them disappear forever. I don't feel hatred towards him either. Just complete and utter detachment.

 

He was bawling on the phone. It was really strange, coming from such a hard person. He said he finally realized what a dick he had been to me, and that he was so, so sorry. He said he was thinking about a birthday once where I had made him a little book full of drawings of us together, and how it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for him, but he was a dick to me later that day. He said the problem was he never trusted me when I told him I loved him, and he always felt cold inside. He said it's because his mother was mentally ill, and he could never trust a woman would really love him. And now he realizes that I did love him. He said he will always love me, even if we aren't together.

 

Our roles were finally reversed, and I'll admit I derived some satisfaction from that after all times he shunned me when I cried.

 

I didn't know what to say. I felt extremely awkward and taken off guard. The truth is I don't love him, but he was in such pain that I told a white lie and said I love you and I'm sorry things didn't work out between us. I wished him a happy thanksgiving and that was the end of the conversation.

 

It's odd -- I was the one who cared more when we were together, and yet he is more affected by the loss of our relationship. It often seems to work out that way, which only deepens my cynicism about people. Too many want what they can't have. And so often people's emotions are out of synch -- one cries/cares while the other feels nothing.