Having friends of the opposite sex

[zig]

So you hear a lot of people in here talking about being friends with their ex or just being with someone who is just a friend.

 

So do most of you who have friends of the opposite sex actually go out together from time to time? Perhaps talk on the phone, and have some emotional attachment but not romantic or sexual?

 

I never have. I date with the intent of romance and that's it. Anything else is just basic socializing in my circle of friends.

 

So I'd like to know what your opposite sex friendship consists of and how close are you to them on an emotional level.

 

I ask because truth is, in my relationships I've really enjoyed the intimate, emotional attachment. Is this something that's possible to find with a girl (I'm a guy) without actually dating, having sex, and all the romance? Or is this all one and the same.

 

Sorry if it sounds like a dumb question. I haven't dated a whole lot.

[chucksbabygurl17]

let me tell you a story! a couple of weeks ago my boyfriend found out that i had this friend who was a guy but the thing is we were only friends nothing more and i told him that but heres the things my boyfriend didnt take it that way he took it as i was cheating on him wich i wasnt... So this started a big fight between us and he kicked me out and i had to go stay somewhere for a lil while then after he cooled off we talked an he said we shouldnt have friends of the opppistate sex. but i did do something wrong my boyfriend and i been together for almost 4 years and i love him with all my heart and there is nothing in this world i would do for him.. anyways what i am trying to tell you is i hid this guy who is just a friend away from him bc i knew if he found out i had a guy as a friend he would freak out on me and thats what he did now every night when we go to bed he always ask me if i did anything to this guy and i tell him no and he tells me a lier and that he cant trust me anymore so yeah if you have complete trust in the person you are with let them have friends of the oppisatate sex and if you dont its going to be pretty hard to keep them from doin what they want and when they want bc everyone is different and everyone has there own oppions on things all i am saying is do what you think is right not what someone else tells you whats wrong from right:cool:

[urdestiny]

You can def. have friends of the opposite sex. I am a guys girl and what I mean is, I get along with guys much better then girls. My best friend is a guy and we discuss everything from what we had for breakfast to sex partners. All you have to do is keep the mutual bond the way the both of you want it. As for the 1st response to this thread, you should never have to even feel like you need to hide a friendship. He was being disrespectful even asking that of you.

Whatever you do NEVER hide something, especially a friendship from anyone it makes you look guilty of something even when your not!

[Knittress]

Were I feeling cynical and sexist I'd say it's possible for a girl to have friends of the opposite sex, but not a guy. For instance - I've kept in contact with a lot of the guys I grew up with, some of them I even talk to daily! Every once in a while I'll have lunch with one of them. No romantic interest, no big deal... my EX on the other hand, he ran off with his 'friend.' So, your mileage may vary...

[zengirl]

Seems to me like you're mixing some things up, OP.

 

I'm "friends" with a few of my exes (because we have mutual friends or just want to stay in touch casually through Facebook or something because we were once important to each other) but I'm not really friends with them. I'm friendly. I'm interested in their well-being. That's about where it ends. We can't really be totally friends after a long relationship, but it's hard to be strangers too, if it ended amicably and you share friends.

 

I date to date, and I don't mix my romance with my friendship either.

 

However, I have male friends. I have mostly groups of friends -- male and female mixed together -- and some are male. I have a couple close male friends who I hang out with individually at times (and in groups at others), one of whom is like a brother I have dinner with every month. He and I grew up together, I introduced him to his current fiancee, and there's not a drop of romance about it, obviously. Nor with any of my other male friends. If I wanted to date them, I would've dated them already, and if there was romantic tension, I wouldn't consider them friends to be around.

 

I rarely hang out with any of my friends individually, except a few close friends (I'd say 2 of them are male, out of maybe 5 I'd see individually, rather than in a group), though. The folks who are close go way back. It's not about their gender.

[irc333]

So you were living with your b/f at the time?

 

Yeah, typically friendships have been known to end or "fade" when an actual sig. other comes into the picture.

 

Male friend of mine, who had a female friend,...he was REALLY close with her, would go to her for crisis situations and vice-versa, and they'd hang out together....was platonic, and he was okay with it actually. She even reserved restaurant space to throw B-day parties for him.

 

Then she started dating a guy, and she still was in touch with her guy friend, but things got REAL serious with her boyfriend, then for 6 months she's lost complete touch with the said guy friend.

 

Not return texts/phone calls/ emails etc....completely fell off the grid, when he needed her the MOST.

 

I am just thinking that the boyfriend MIGHT have said something about perhaps stop staying in touch with the guy

 

She actually did wind up marrying said boyfriend.....so I'm guessing that's what happened, it got to the point where they were talking about marriagae in the future...and that's when she lost touch.

 

I had a female friend to stop calling her apartment, and just "chat or email" online because he boyfriend moved in with her...so if I called, well, if HE answered....well, there'd be problems.

 

So I had women setting up standards in which I would keep in touch with them, had another tell me to email her at work, but not at home, things like that.

 

These "FEmale friends" start throwing up these boundaries or stipulations on "how" to stay in touch with her, and even if you abide by them....they eventually "fade away"

 

 

There was this one female co-worker at work, that just moved in the area....wanted to make new friends, and her boyfriend tells her, "You don't need friends, you got me" LOL

 

Yikes!

 

let me tell you a story! a couple of weeks ago my boyfriend found out that i had this friend who was a guy but the thing is we were only friends nothing more and i told him that but heres the things my boyfriend didnt take it that way he took it as i was cheating on him wich i wasnt... So this started a big fight between us and he kicked me out and i had to go stay somewhere for a lil while then after he cooled off we talked an he said we shouldnt have friends of the opppistate sex. but i did do something wrong my boyfriend and i been together for almost 4 years and i love him with all my heart and there is nothing in this world i would do for him.. anyways what i am trying to tell you is i hid this guy who is just a friend away from him bc i knew if he found out i had a guy as a friend he would freak out on me and thats what he did now every night when we go to bed he always ask me if i did anything to this guy and i tell him no and he tells me a lier and that he cant trust me anymore so yeah if you have complete trust in the person you are with let them have friends of the oppisatate sex and if you dont its going to be pretty hard to keep them from doin what they want and when they want bc everyone is different and everyone has there own oppions on things all i am saying is do what you think is right not what someone else tells you whats wrong from right:cool:

[sumdude]

Just happened to catch part of When Harry met Sally last night. Says it all...

 

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally Albright: Why not?

Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: You only think you do.

Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: How do you know?

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?

Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry Burns: I guess not.

Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

 

A few years later they meet again...

 

 

Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.

Sally Albright: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

Harry Burns: When did I say that?

Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.

Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

[irc333]

You know what's funny, I completely forgot about the "Amendment" portion of that movie. LOL

 

 

Just happened to catch part of When Harry met Sally last night. Says it all...

 

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally Albright: Why not?

Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: You only think you do.

Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: How do you know?

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?

Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry Burns: I guess not.

Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

 

A few years later they meet again...

 

 

Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.

Sally Albright: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

Harry Burns: When did I say that?

Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.

Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

[true2010]

As a guy, I have to say that as for close friends - I have never kept a close friend that's a girl without me deep-down wanting to f*ck her. I just never have. I have some girls that are friends but they are all very casual friendships (only to meet in groups for vball etc..)