I feel inadequate and I'm becoming a recluse

[Heatemyheart89]

I was never popular or pretty at school.when I got to college I was considered popular and pretty (ish)I loved having friends and being social this continued for a few Years.I'm 20 now and due to health problems I've taken a year out of uni and I quit my job due to being really Ill.I'm better now but I've realised I've got very few friends.I've drifted apart from them I feel inadequate I've got no job I don't go out I just watch t.v.I'm finding it hard to get a job though I'm lucky my parents help me out.I just have n confidence I don't go out I'm so depressed.I feel ugly and lonely like I did at school ahhhh.I'm not sure how to get out of this rut.help!

[Taramere]

I was never popular or pretty at school.when I got to college I was considered popular and pretty (ish)I loved having friends and being social this continued for a few Years.I'm 20 now and due to health problems I've taken a year out of uni and I quit my job due to being really Ill.I'm better now but I've realised I've got very few friends.I've drifted apart from them I feel inadequate I've got no job I don't go out I just watch t.v.I'm finding it hard to get a job though I'm lucky my parents help me out.I just have n confidence I don't go out I'm so depressed.I feel ugly and lonely like I did at school ahhhh.I'm not sure how to get out of this rut.help!

 

Are you under the care of a doctor just now, Heatemyheart? Depression is often a side effect of physical illness, and you might need some extra help to manage that aspect of it. As long as you're too depressed to go out, then you've still got an illness...albeit one that is eminently treatable, provided you get the proper help.

 

One thing that counsellors often do,with regard to someone feeling as low as you are just now - and reflecting back on past negative feelings in the way that you are - is to try cognitive behavioural therapy with them. If you're not sure what CBT is, take a quick look at this link:

 

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx

 

Essentially, bad feelings stem from negative thoughts we have about the world around us and our place in it. A CBT therapist might refer to those as negative Core Beliefs. They often form in us at a very early age, due partly to temperament (some people just being more naturally sensitive than others) but also to life experiences. Unhealthy as these core beliefs might be, it's hard to break out of the pattern of looking for evidence that supports them.

 

So you might have a core belief like, for instance, "people don't like me. I'm not popular." A lot of people feel that way in their school days. Even for the most outwardly confident pupils, there's often a lot of stress and uncertainty about where they fit in....so you would be far from being alone in that respect. You left school and started college where you gained some confidence, but then due to illness your circumstances changed - and from the sound of things, you feel as though you've taken a big backward step.

 

What you need to do now is start building your confidence and self esteem back up...and that might involve getting counselling that will support you in returning to a job. Then, perhaps, eventually back to college. You needn't fret about having missed out on a few years. Lots of people these days delay going to university or college.

 

Workwise, it might be that at this stage something part-time would be best,so that you're not too overwhelmed. Is counselling an option for you or something you've been offered?

[hART]

If you are in the city find a free group or meetup group. Vollunteering is also a good way to meet people. If you can't bear to be around people on a social level, till you feel better. Take up walking or jogging, exercise usually makes me feel better. Depression sucks, I hope you feel better soon!