watshername Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 We were very happy. Neither of us did anything wrong. We just weren't working/ aren't in the same place. I was going to uni, he was starting his own business. He ended it, I know he did what he thought was best and I understand his actions now. I was so upset at first really really heartbroken and I know he was finding it hard too. For two months I did whatever I could to try to change his mind. Nothing worked. Then one day I realised this was it. I needed to accept and move on. I still love him and care about him so much. I know he still cares about me and really wants me in his life. I still want him in my life. I just want to know if it's actually possible to be friends with someone you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with? I don't really know how I feel 100%, I'm very confused. Before, I would have got back with him within a heartbeat but I'm not so sure now. I don't think I would, I think we split for the right reasons. But at the same time I still hold the tiniest bit of hope that one day he will want to be with me. I just love him too much to lose him out of my life forever. He's prone to depression and thats part of the reason why we split, because he was upsetting me with how he handled it and he thinks I deserve to be treated better (this is what he feels, not me). How do I knw if I've truely accepted that it's over? I think I have but I'm worried I'm just covering up my feelings. I'm at the point where I can sort of start to see myself with someone new and def in the near future be with someone again.
Gt.ooh Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 But at the same time I still hold the tiniest bit of hope that one day he will want to be with me. I just love him too much to lose him out of my life forever. I would say in your case right now no. Hope and Love are two very strong words after a break-up...If you still hope and you still love him, to be friends is setting yourself up for more heartbreak. Ask yourself: Could you handle him being with someone new? Would you want to know right now? Being friends means friends..and you'd find out everything that you may not want to know. It's all too fresh to re-open wounds that you're trying to close.. Best thing you can do is to not be friends, at least right now...re-evaluate in about 3 months time if that might be something you'd want. Esp if you may want a chance down the road.
Samu Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I would say in your case right now no. Hope and Love are two very strong words after a break-up...If you still hope and you still love him, to be friends is setting yourself up for more heartbreak. Ask yourself: Could you handle him being with someone new? Would you want to know right now? Being friends means friends..and you'd find out everything that you may not want to know. It's all too fresh to re-open wounds that you're trying to close.. Best thing you can do is to not be friends, at least right now...re-evaluate in about 3 months time if that might be something you'd want. Esp if you may want a chance down the road. I totally agree, I'm in the exact same situation. But I was dumb enough to stay friends with her and get hurt. She rebounded on some guy two months after the break up and I can't start to explain how much it hurt me. She tore my heart apart. Then she told me that she didn't like him. Now we're NC, but I still want to be with her. DON'T BE FRIENDS WITH HIM
alwayshoping Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 It is but I think 6months to year nc first. Then when your both happy with other people etc it will be easier to be friends again x
sedgwick Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 My ex-husband is my best friend, and I'm also close friends with two of my other exes. But it's been 3.5 years since my last breakup, with the love of my life, and I am in no way over him enough to be his friend. I don't know if I ever will be.
Fermentum Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I'm in a similar situation. I hope for friendship in the future, but I know it will only come after a long time. I'm hoping that we'll be able to meet when she is in town for her birthday, which is in July. I figure by then enough time will have past and we'll both have had more relationships. So go NC for now, a nice loooong time. Make sure you split on amicable terms (or at least as amicable as possible) and find someone new.
Heatemyheart89 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 im sort of friends with my ex and I would be friendly to all my exes bar 2.
Gt.ooh Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Well you can see the trend. Trust us when we say it's just not worth it. My ex pulled that on me right in the beginning...then I begged pleaded etc, and she cut contact which I'm actually glad now. So needless to say the friend thing never came about after that...and it's a good thing. There's no way I'd want to know about current (if any) relations with other dudes... You'll thank yourself later for not being friends...it's the initial taking initiative to NOT be friends that's hard.
Fufu Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 If you still hold the hope that both of you will be together in future (I mean we never know, future is unpredictable), don't be friends with him. The truth is, you have to accept openly if he dates any girls or get into a new relationship. Can you accept it 100% without any ache in your heart? We can only be friends (our own choice) with our ex when we reach the indifference stage.
Gt.ooh Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 We can only be friends (our own choice) with our ex when we reach the indifference stage. This is the key...and it's the truth. Friends only work when the love is gone, and u can accept their new partner. If you can pull off acceptance, it can be good too, make you look strong and independant....but until then, just don't go anywhere near friends.
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