Author AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 The biological brain chemistry of someone who is heartbroken is nearly identical to that of someone who is fiending for cocaine. Literally. Google it. It's true! I have family memebers and friends in recovery from drug and alcohol abuse. They give me the best advice. We have the same urges, wants, and thoughts... them because of drugs, me because of him. It's weird!
Idalis Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I just don't understand. I wish everyone could just be happy and have who they love. My ex and I had it all, then he started acting nuts after a year and since then it has been 4 months of craziness! I love you, I hate you, you're evil, you're a great girl. He always accused me of cheating and lying and couldn't trust me- but I have always been great to him. He had not a reason in the world to not trust me. We broke up for the 4th time 3 weeks ago. After 2 weeks I broke down and text and asked him how he was. Later that night he started sending me explicit messages and I kinda went along with it. Then I told him I wanted to talk about how he's been treating me. We met up and he was ice cold! He listed to what I had to say after calling me names that I probably shouldn't type in here. Then I come to find that he's seeing someone else. I feel like a fall right into his game, and I believe him when he degrades me! I start thinking that I am less of a person because he doesn't want me, and is choosing to spend time with someone that isn't even comparable to me (I don't mean to sound stuck up). I feel so confused. I am usually really great a NC, but after he says stuff, I blow up his phone just trying to defend myself and he turns himself into the victim. IDK what to do anymore! I honestly don't think he's playing any game with you. It sounds more like you are playing the game all by yourself. He's seeing someone else and you know this yet you "breakdown" and text him. Why?? He's clearly moved on. He can't play a game unless you are a willing participant, which you seem to be. I understand this, he gave me the "last night shouldn't happen again, I don't want you to think we are **** buddies." Hmmm, why didn't he say that the other night before it happened? I promise you that now I am done. My friends are trying to do some intervention, but the truth is... I need not to count the days of NC... it doesn't matter. It's just done. I am not setting a goal to be over it, I am forcing it. B/c you probably initiated contact and made yourself available to him in that way. Cold hard truth is he doesnt want a relationship with you, not even a F buddy relationship, so you need to move on. I think you are over romanticizing what you had before all the break ups happened. If he NEVER trusted you as you stated in you OP, then how did you manage to "have it all" to have it all you have to have TRUST, or else it was never a healthy relationship to begin with. I sincerely hope you open your eyes and see that you deserve better than what you are doing to yourself in this relationship. And I agree the BPD claims are BS, unless he's seen a DR and been diagnosed, even if he did have BPD it is not your job to fix him. You need to move on and be happy.
Phateless Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 It's true! I have family memebers and friends in recovery from drug and alcohol abuse. They give me the best advice. We have the same urges, wants, and thoughts... them because of drugs, me because of him. It's weird! When I was getting over my ex (5 year relationship) I viewed the process as detoxing and it helped. It was pure stubbornness that saw me through it, I don't know how I did it. Took about a year before I really felt right in the head again.
SmileyGirl Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I always complain that I never got "closure" from my 5 year relationship however I thank God EVERY day when I read everyones post about their ex "stringing them along". Mine was done and over with and we never spoke again. Yes, still painful but a heck of a lot less painful then being dragged through the mud (which I would never allow). I have never been in a relationship where we strung along the process or pretended we wanted to be back together or anything so I don't know how that feels. However, in your situation you are ALLOWING him to do this. You have to have some respect for yourself when you say "enough is enough". You say he never trusted you but how could you ever trust him?? ... What kind of relationship would you have IF you two ever DID get back together?.. Would you not always be wondering when he was going to pull this crap again? I can understand when you say that when your relationship was good it was amazing and when your relationship is bad it's REALLY bad. I DO KNOW THAT FEELING. In fact, when my ex and I were together we talked about that constantly. THAT IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. Do yourself a favor and work on YOURSELF. Do things for YOU and prepare you for the guy in your life that's worthy of your big heart. This one, I assure you IS NOT. Good Luck
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 I honestly don't think he's playing any game with you. It sounds more like you are playing the game all by yourself. He's seeing someone else and you know this yet you "breakdown" and text him. Why?? He's clearly moved on. He can't play a game unless you are a willing participant, which you seem to be. B/c you probably initiated contact and made yourself available to him in that way. Cold hard truth is he doesnt want a relationship with you, not even a F buddy relationship, so you need to move on. I think you are over romanticizing what you had before all the break ups happened. If he NEVER trusted you as you stated in you OP, then how did you manage to "have it all" to have it all you have to have TRUST, or else it was never a healthy relationship to begin with. I sincerely hope you open your eyes and see that you deserve better than what you are doing to yourself in this relationship. And I agree the BPD claims are BS, unless he's seen a DR and been diagnosed, even if he did have BPD it is not your job to fix him. You need to move on and be happy. Thank you for you thoughts. In defense to myself, I just need you to know that I am not playing the victim. I was told he and this girl were just friends. I was suspicious, and found out there may be a little more to the story than he let on. I brokedown because he always came back to me... and I was willing with open arms. We talked about therapy and everything. But the last time we parted, I broke down after 2 weeks. I missed him... it happens. Yes, I am to blame as well as he is, but I just believed him when he told me he loved me repeatedly. He started to not trust me towards the end of our relationship with NO reason. I never wronged him that's why it bothered me. Turns out, his own guilt was eating him alive and he was projecting it on me.
WTRanger Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Thank you for you thoughts. In defense to myself, I just need you to know that I am not playing the victim. I was told he and this girl were just friends. I was suspicious, and found out there may be a little more to the story than he let on. I brokedown because he always came back to me... and I was willing with open arms. We talked about therapy and everything. But the last time we parted, I broke down after 2 weeks. I missed him... it happens. Yes, I am to blame as well as he is, but I just believed him when he told me he loved me repeatedly. He started to not trust me towards the end of our relationship with NO reason. I never wronged him that's why it bothered me. Turns out, his own guilt was eating him alive and he was projecting it on me. My brother's recent ex did the same thing. Towards the end she would flip out and go ballistic if he even looked at another girl. As the world turned, she was cheating on him the whole time with one of his close friends. She wasn't yelling at him, she was yelling at herself but was way too cowardly to admit it. So she just made his life a living hell until he ended it, and she got off free and easy and was able to play the "Whoa is me" role. These people are scum. True scum. Your life is better without him. You may not see it now, but you will.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 My brother's recent ex did the same thing. Towards the end she would flip out and go ballistic if he even looked at another girl. As the world turned, she was cheating on him the whole time with one of his close friends. She wasn't yelling at him, she was yelling at herself but was way too cowardly to admit it. So she just made his life a living hell until he ended it, and she got off free and easy and was able to play the "Whoa is me" role. These people are scum. True scum. Your life is better without him. You may not see it now, but you will. Yesss! And when we tried to work things out he kept accusing me of sleeping around when we were apart. I didn't! I told him that if I was sexual with anyone else I would tell him because we weren't together! He wouldn't believe that either! He couldn't accept that I am actually a good girl, because he's a slime so everyone else must be. No wonder he has no trust, he can't trust himself. I will trust anyone until I have hard core evidence that they are dishonest. I think having a trusting personality shows that you are a trustworthy person. He is a scum. I am totally in love with the man that I was with when it was good. I hate the man he became. Right now he's fooling some dumb girl like he did to me. I almost feel bad for both of them. (ok I am just jealous acting like a hard ass)
LikeCharlotte Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Turns out, his own guilt was eating him alive and he was projecting it on me. That is always the first sign to cut your loses and run. I hope the lesson here is learned for you. "How to smell a dog 101" Lesson 1: He is acting crazy for no reason = He is so selfish that he is mad at you because he is cheating and feels guilty. Lesson 2: He stops acting crazy and is sweet as ice cream but is keeping strange hours = You clearly missed lesson 1 and now you are number 2. Should I go on? Honey, let your heartbreak and get out!
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 That is always the first sign to cut your loses and run. I hope the lesson here is learned for you. "How to smell a dog 101" Lesson 1: He is acting crazy for no reason = He is so selfish that he is mad at you because he is cheating and feels guilty. Lesson 2: He stops acting crazy and is sweet as ice cream but is keeping strange hours = You clearly missed lesson 1 and now you are number 2. Should I go on? Honey, let your heartbreak and get out! Thank you LikeCharlotte, is that a book? If not, it should be. I know what I have to do. My heart is still tugging on my brain. They don't communicate well.
LikeCharlotte Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Thank you LikeCharlotte, is that a book? If not, it should be. I know what I have to do. My heart is still tugging on my brain. They don't communicate well. I've been there. It is not easy but at the end of the day you are worth the suffering. It's self preservation. Get yourself some tissues and a good movie. Distract yourself, cry it out and get on with it. There are so many better men! Maybe you can help me write that book with what you learn when this is all over. Hang in.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I've been there. It is not easy but at the end of the day you are worth the suffering. It's self preservation. Get yourself some tissues and a good movie. Distract yourself, cry it out and get on with it. There are so many better men! Maybe you can help me write that book with what you learn when this is all over. Hang in. I was thinking about serioulsy writing a book! Not sure if I want it to be a story of my life... or a book of what not to do in relationships... oh wait, those are the same things! ha ha
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