Needing a change after breakup...

[shocked_confused]

Hey guys,

 

My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago after moving far away. I'm living in my hometown still but I've always known that I don't want to live here the rest of my life. Initially, I was supposed to move in with him early 2011, but now that those plans are squashed I feel that I need a change for myself.

 

I've looking at jobs in my field on the west coast and am thinking of just moving there for a new beginning/adventure for myself. Throughout the 6 years, everything was all about him and his career and what he wanted (and I went along with it). But now I want to focus on myself and my career.

 

Do you think I'm moving too fast with these plans? Should I wait a few months before I make a big decision like this? I don't want it to seem like I'm running away from my problems, but I've always wanted to start a new life somewhere else...Should I wait, or apply to some jobs that I'm interested in?

 

Also, has anyone else experienced this feeling of just wanting to get out there? And has anyone followed through?

[shocked_confused]

Not to be impatient butttt, anyone??

[Gdunkman]

I had a final point in a breakup 4 months ago, and right after it I decided to move to Montreal, which is on the other side of the globe from my current place of living. I will have that possibility in a month or so due to visa issues. I have other trips planned, so I go to Canada to live in March. I'm pretty much over my last relations atm, and I guess I won't care about my past once I move to the new country and new environment, so I'm looking forward to it, can't wait actually Answering your question, from my point of view: No it's not too fast for you to plan a move.

[Morbid Florist]

If you proceed, you will not know if you made the right decision until a year or more after the move. But I think that this is way too soon because two weeks is not enough time to move on from a six year relationship. Drastic decisions like this are not usually advisable during a period of loss or grief.

 

In general, the relocation could be a great decision or a disaster depending on your field and your other life priorities. If you move that far, you will have a difficult time visiting home and you will pretty much isolate yourself from everyone that you've ever known. I moved from the East Coast to the Midwest five years ago and I am barely in touch with the loved ones in my past. Facebook is no substitute for shared experiences. New loved ones are hard to find and my career is not the only thing that I want in life.

 

At minimum, you will need to thrive without a social support network. You may never feel at home in cities and neighborhoods that culture shock you.

If your field is in law or academia, then you need to proceed with caution because those job markets are terrible in California.

 

I say wait until you know that you are over your ex.

[Gt.ooh]

I do not think it's too fast...6 years is a long time, and to be all about him that whole time. I'd definitely apply and get things in order now at least, that doesn't hurt...then make the move.

 

But now more than ever is YOUR time, so take advantage of it.

 

Cheers.

[Cee]

I say, go for it, but try to have realistic expectations.

 

Sometimes it can take a while to find a job so your move may not be as fast as you want it. Take care in investigating apartments on the West Coast. Rents can be terribly expensive in California.

 

Be prepared to not feel "happy" right after a move. The loneliness and alienation is difficult at first, but there is excitement and newness to counterbalance that.

 

I relocated to the Midwest for 5 years and then moved back to the East Coast. I don't regret moving away and loved Chicago, but it wasn't as magical as I thought it would be. I never developed the deep friendships that I have here. But I'm glad I moved away and I grew a lot as a person.

[shocked_confused]

Thanks guys, your posts are really helping. I really wanna get out there while i'm still young and single! Right now I'm looking at some jobs in Vancouver. It's so beautiful there and I hear its a really great city to live in. We'll see how everything pans out. i'm definitely going to be applying to some places.