zig Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Tried a different forum but no takers on this. So I was in this relationship for about a month. Everything went great except she didn't make much face time with me- "busy". I had to end it. After about a week I texted her and said I'd be willing to be friends (short version). She texted back and agreed (short version). I could have walked but I wanted to reach out to her and pursue a friendship if possible. I did develop feelings for her and I care about her. Now, I'm going to try to lay those feelings aside, move on, date other people, and hopefully stay friends with her because I do like her as a person. The issue I have is I'm not sure if she just said she wants to be friends to be nice or she actually meant it. I guess only time will tell. Question is: Now what? Do I wait for her to make contact or do I give her a call in say two weeks? Secondly, I assume it's not my duty to suggest hanging out as friends and I should leave that up to her. I've never done this before. Do you have any suggestions on what to do or not do? I've heard about people becoming great friends post relationship, so I just want to be open to this. Note: We were never physical together (which should make it easier), also we do not hang out with the same circle of friends either. So it's not like we will bump into each other at a party.
WTRanger Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 If you went to buy a brand new super expensive sports car, would you settle for a used 3-color tone mini-van? Don't settle for friends after dating. It makes all men look bad. Are you just settling in the hopes she'll eventually come around and see what a great guy you are? If she's not willing to spend time with you as her "boy that's kind of my boyfriend but I don't spend time with him or get physical with him", do you really think she'll spend time with you as just a "friend?" Get with reality son! Ditch her to the curb and find a woman who will fully reciprocate your feelings.
Author zig Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 Yeah I get all that and I can't argue with any of it. I'm curious if anyone in here actually stayed friends after a relationship. I remember some saying that they have.
O'Malley Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 With most breakups, 'friends' seems to be a short term conciliatory balm. While I do think some people have the knack of turning exes into friends, in many cases I think it's because there was a strong foundation of friendship before the relationship ever started or they have children together. I ended a relationship with my previous boyfriend because of his jobs and the time constraints involved; he's overall a good guy and someone I can be friendly with when I run into him on the rare occasion, but I'm indifferent to being friends with him. If your relationship ended because she wasn't willing or realistically able to spend more time with you, it's much more likely you will end up being acquaintances at best. It will help for both of you to move on for a time; that way you'll be certain that you're genuinely interested in friendship only and not trying to use it as leverage to get re-involved with her. Let the ball be in her court as far as contact; as you said, only time will tell.
Author zig Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 It will help for both of you to move on for a time; that way you'll be certain that you're genuinely interested in friendship only and not trying to use it as leverage to get re-involved with her. Let the ball be in her court as far as contact; as you said' date=' only time will tell.[/quote'] I looked through some old forums and the consensus is sometimes friendships do work but it's rare. The main reason being one side almost always has feelings for the other. Everyone agrees on one thing. Do not contact unless you are 100% over the relationship and can honestly be just friends. So with that said. I don't think I'll be talking with her for weeks.... and that is best case scenario. The more I think about this I realize I'm using the "stay friends" as an excuse to hang on. I think I'll give it a shot someday but need to move on FIRST.
tami-chan Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I believe it is possible for exes to be friends...but it is a process...a journey, if you may... I think it is too soon for you guys to be "friends". First, you have to ACTUALLY move on and not have lingering feelings for her. Second, she needs to feel comfortable that any contact from her will not be misinterpreted by you. So, give it time and don't do anything just yet.
Star Gazer Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I've become immediate friends with guys I dated a handful of times, but not immediate friends with guys I was in a relationship with. That takes time; have to cut the emotional heart strings first.
Author zig Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 I believe it is possible for exes to be friends...but it is a process...a journey, if you may... I think it is too soon for you guys to be "friends". First, you have to ACTUALLY move on and not have lingering feelings for her. Second, she needs to feel comfortable that any contact from her will not be misinterpreted by you. So, give it time and don't do anything just yet. This is turning out to be pretty funny. I was no contact, but figured that was too hard so I tried the friends thing. Now I'm back to no contact lol. At least with the being friends thing if I do have a breakdown call it won't be such a big deal. I'll just play it off like "hey what's new with you". Then move on and start over again. But thanks for the advice of not doing anything just yet. I understand no matter what, I have to make the journey of staying strong and moving on.
Author zig Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 I've become immediate friends with guys I dated a handful of times, but not immediate friends with guys I was in a relationship with. That takes time; have to cut the emotional heart strings first. what do you mean by friends? bumping into each other at the bar and just saying hi? do you talk on the phone with these guys or perhaps meet up to hang out or do something fun? might sound like a dumb question but what do girls and guys do together that are just friends? I've never had a girl "friend" relationship beyond socializing in my social circle. make sense? In my mind I see having a girl who is a friend as being like dating but without the kissing, sex, and things like that. No obligation to call the next day or even next week. It's all no strings.
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