buttercup524 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 My hubby & I have been married for 15 years, we have 3 kids. At the end of this year I will be getting laid off of work. I need some advice regarding some things that have gone on in my marriage for the past almost 2 years. At the end of December 08, I found emails from some woman sending my hubby of 15 years naked pics on myspace an through his email. She knew he was married because she made sure to tell him "don't think the wife would like this." Around the same time he was also talking to and texting another lady that worked at a restaurant near his job. When I confronted him he said nothing was going on he was just playing around nothing was going on, but he wouldn't do it again. Then after the first of the year he started talking to and texting a woman that was an ex-best friend's wife. This went on for months before I realized it. When I confronted him on this he said that they talked about softball. The texts were everyday sometimes there were 70 messages between them so I find it hard to believe they talked about softball that much. I ended up calling the woman's husband, who had no knowledge of their contact either. Again he promised he wouldn't do anything else. About a month after I confronted him about the texts, he started responding to women's personal ads on craigslist, I think he responded to about 6 in all. I posted a personal myself and he ended up responding to mine. I tried to arrange a meeting, and he had agreed to meet the next week. I confronted him before the meeting. Of course it was the same excuse, he didn't do anything, just playing around. He did calm down for a little while or get sneakier, but then he seemed to have a real anger issue with our teenage son. Anyway about a month ago I got into his Facebook account and realized he had been making comments on a woman's photo of her in her underwear and he had also been in contact with an ex girlfriend. He only told her they should talk sometime, but we had separated a couple times before and this was a woman he dated each time we separated. When I asked him what he was trying to do now, he denied that he was doing anything and that he didn't contact his ex. He even went so far to say someone had to have set him up. I told him that no one even remembered that she was an ex and no one wanted to set him up. He continuously denies contacting her. I'm tired of continuing to forgive him and want him to leave. He doesn't think he has done anything that bad. He says he wants to work things out, but I'm just tired of looking like a fool. He sleeps on the couch and I try to stay away from home as much as possible so I don't have to be around him. He begs me on a daily basis to love him back and work through this, but I continue to feel so hurt. I did not forgive him for the things he done last year I just tolerated it and hoped things would change. I need some advice. I don't know what else to do, maybe this is not that bad, but it sure feels like he wants to something else in his life.
YellowShark Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 At the end of December 08, I found emails from some woman sending my hubby of 15 years naked pics on myspace an through his email. She knew he was married... #1 - Cheating online via Myspace. Around the same time he was also talking to and texting another lady that worked at a restaurant near his job. When I confronted him he said nothing was going on he was just playing around nothing was going on, but he wouldn't do it again.... #2 - Cheating via cell phone. Then after the first of the year he started talking to and texting a woman that was an ex-best friend's wife. This went on for months before I realized it. When I confronted him on this he said that they talked about softball. The texts were everyday sometimes there were 70 messages between them so I find it hard to believe they talked about softball that much. #3 - Cheating via cell phone AGAIN. About a month after I confronted him about the texts, he started responding to women's personal ads on craigslist, I think he responded to about 6 in all. #4 - Cheating via personal ads on Craigslist. Anyway about a month ago I got into his Facebook account and realized he had been making comments on a woman's photo of her in her underwear and he had also been in contact with an ex girlfriend. He only told her they should talk sometime, but we had separated a couple times before and this was a woman he dated each time we separated. #5 - Cheating via Facebook. I'm tired of continuing to forgive him and want him to leave. He doesn't think he has done anything that bad. He says he wants to work things out, but I'm just tired of looking like a fool. So sorry you are going through this Buttercup but how many times are you going to forgive this unrepentant serial cheater? Seems he's cheating on you using just about every avenue known to mankind. The worst part is he is doing it, you read him the riot act, and he does it again! That shows zero respect for you, and frankly if your girlfriend told you her husband was doing this to her what would you advise her to do? I don't think this man can be salvaged. I think you need to document everything and give the hard copy to a good divorce lawyer. I would normally ask that the couple try marriage counseling... but in this case, FORGET ABOUT IT. Best of luck.
tobydog Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Hi, what a nightmare for you. Mine is not like this situation but if it were I would want out, for your own sanity. His behaviour is disrepectful and deceitful, others on here will be more forthright but this a situation that you should not have to endure. Take care x
iheartboobs Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Listen, your husband's a dick. Even if he was just "playing" (and I'm going to go ahead and say he wasn't), and even if it meant nothing to him (it did), then he still knew that it bothered you which should have been more than enough reason to quit doing it if he valued your feelings. He didn't quit because whatever pleasure he's getting out of whatever it is he's doing is more important to him than how you feel. He's an A-hole. My advice would be to kick his ass out, collect all the evidence you can, take it to a divorce attorney, and take him for all he's worth. It sounds like you made your feelings on the matter crystal clear, and you've given him more chances than he deserved... so **** him.
Author buttercup524 Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 Thank you for the advice so far. I wanted to add one more thing. My hubby seems to think I'm crazy for bringing all of the other stuff back up because it was in the past, but he started doing things again last month. I am only talking about last year. Then he points out he forgave me for a lot of stuff, because we had separated about 8 years ago. I don't want to seem like I'm being unreasonable, but I don't want to get walked all over either. I kept all of the emails and phone records from these encounters too.
YellowShark Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 My hubby seems to think I'm crazy for bringing all of the other stuff back up because it was in the past, but he started doing things again last month. I am only talking about last year. Then he points out he forgave me for a lot of stuff, because we had separated about 8 years ago. I don't want to seem like I'm being unreasonable, but I don't want to get walked all over either. I kept all of the emails and phone records from these encounters too. FULL STOP. You are not crazy. You are within your rights to EXPECT your husband NO TO CHEAT via Craigslist, Myspace, Facebook, cell phones... What he is doing is called "Gaslighting." Google it. He is trying to deflect the ownership of all the cheating onto you. Which only should make you more resolved to dump his unrepentant cheating butt. He is trying to make the faithful partner into the "bad guy." My EX did it too after her repeated infidelities. And ya know what buttercup524? I almost fell for it... until I became informed what Gaslighting is. Then I left her. She really thought she could cheat and make me feel bad about my objections to her cheating. That is really really toxic behaviour. Your husband has gone off the rails, time to save yourself from his unhealthy, disrespectful ways.
Gunny376 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 A cheater is cheater ~ is a cheater. As a general rule of thumb? Once a cheater? Always a cheater. Your better off without him. The truly sad part of your story is that you had children with this bum and invested (note you I didn't say "wasted" ~ there must have been some good in the relationship and all the years that you and he spent with him. When your in a marriage or a relationship it is necessary to raise oneself above and and all suspicions impropriety. In others words ~ TRUST ~ ABSOLUTELY AND UNCONDITIONALLY!
Author buttercup524 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 I greatly appreciate all the advice from everyone. I wish I would've found this site sooner. It has truly been an eye opener. Thank you!!!
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