ChefDan17 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Ok so... I met this girl on Halloween, she's really amazing, we hit it off really fast. We're hanging out all the time and we have a great time together. Everyone that saw us when we're together said how perfect we seemed for eachother and we get along great, but I seem to have hit a roadblock... yah see, she's had a alot of stuff happen to her in her past, and she told me that she was really confused and wasn't ready for a relationship when her past manifested itself. How awesome I am and stuff like that and how she wants to be with me but is having a hard time. even now at 5 am since I've been up thinking about this, she's texting me joking around cuz she can't sleep either. I really want to stick with this girl, but I know that I can't force her to get past what's happened to her. My only idea, is to make good memories for her to think about in place of her bad ones... that's the only thing I can think of. And to show that I can make her happier then the *******s who hurt her so much. It all seems really daunting. Could it work do you think? I doubt myself alot, I have my own issues. Her sister says she likes to self-sabotage. If you do think it could, how would be a good way of approaching making these memories and making her happy without reminding her of bad memories? I'm convinced that words alone wont work since what hurt her weren't words. this whole thing is another level compared to what I'm used to with girls. But I want to rise to that level, I just need a lil advice/encouragement that I'm not wasting my time.
xMilliex Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Just be a good friend to her for now. Like a best friend. Continue to do what you've been doing with her and then hopefully she'll eventually be unable to keep away from the warmth and kindness you've been showing her and come around. The worst you could do is try to force her into it. Wait until you've really gotten to know her properly. Maybe she'll even get to trust you and tell you about her past relationships in more detail if she hasn't already. When she does, tell her you won't do the same thing and hopefully she'll believe you due to what she's been seeing you do while you're just friends. Resist your temptation and let her take the lead. Let her decide if she wants to start another relationship. After knowing her a bit more perhaps let her know or give hints that you're interested so that she doesn't eventually direct her attention to someone else. And then let her take things into her own hands. Hope this makes sense and good luck.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Well what kind of "stuff" are you talking about from her past? If there are serious experiences, along the lines of abuses, then she needs a true therapist. Until she works through a whole lot of it with therapy she will likely be destined to keep making the wrong romantic decisions and choices over and over again. If you are the proverbial "nice guy", then IF indeed she is one who has known childhood abuses, the "nice guy" just won't appeal to her until AFTER she has worked-out most of the past through significant therapy. Indeed you might commence a relationship with such a person as the "nice guy", but in due time she will just crave the chaotic environments of the past (without being able to describe what is missing). So what sorts of "stuff" are you talking about when you use that term?
strength-abounds Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Frankly speaking, one month is not enough time to decide if you want to "stick" to a girl. She obviously has issues to work out. Until these issues are sorted out by her and whatever outlet she decides to use, you will just be the "nice guy". Trust me, nice guys DO finish last. Run and don't look back.
WTRanger Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Oh she's ready for a relationship, just not with you. That's what that really means and that's all you need to know. Stop hanging out with her if you want to date her. You hang out with your friends, you don't hang out with someone you want to date. Either date her or ditch her. Or be her emotional tampon. Either way.
DuskCrush Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Oh she's ready for a relationship, just not with you. That's what that really means and that's all you need to know. Stop hanging out with her if you want to date her. You hang out with your friends, you don't hang out with someone you want to date. Either date her or ditch her. Or be her emotional tampon. Either way. I agree with this post. Just tell her--you don't want to be a jerk but that you're not looking to be friends. And then get back on your horse and ride off into the sunset.
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