gisellefromhell Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I don't want to rain on your parade. Enjoy every moment while you have this feeling. Personally, I just don't think I can fall in love with someone I haven't had sex with yet. That's just my generation.
Ariadne Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Whenever I imagined falling in love, this was how I pictured it. We are so comfortable with each other yet so attracted at the same time. If I could only have few months with him, I would be happy. OMG!!!!! This is so amazing!!!!! Congratulations!
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Congrats. Be careful not to be setting this guy & your potential relationship together up for failure due to astronomical expectations that cannot possibly be maintained. He's probably not saying all those wonderful things to you to "sweet talk you." I bet he means every one of them. But compliments are NOT anything to build a love upon. Take care. NOT so much to protect yourself (though I think you are full of bologna with "I will be happy to only have a few months." You handle rejection, or even perceived rejection more poorly than most. Know yourself!) but to allow what you MAY have to be nurtured and to grow strong and healthy. Leaping into intimacy usually precedes a major letdown. PLEASE LET THIS POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP HAVE A CHANCE TO GROW.
810 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 If I could only have few months with him, I would be happy. if you just want a winter warmth, then go ahead; however, if you aim for serious relationship, then don't have sex with him.
Star Gazer Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I think you are building yourself up for a fall OG... you have only had 2 dates and you are falling in love ? Seriously. We've heard this before. You're falling in love with a guy you decided to bail on less than 24 hours ago? There is some serious, hardcore emotional instability here. What was this purported connection based on? His compliments? More external validation?? You "ALMOST" had sex last night. I'm assuming that means you got naked, did some oral, etc. In that case, it's too late. The next date is at his house? Bad sign; you barely know the guy. GO SLOW, OG. Both phsycially AND emotionally. Please.
gisellefromhell Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 if you just want a winter warmth, then go ahead; however, if you aim for serious relationship, then don't have sex with him. Truthfully, if he's the kind of person to bolt after sex, it wouldn't matter if it happened now or later.
musemaj11 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Lol, this is like a circus. They should make a reality show based on OG's daily life.
northern_sky Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 OG, I am thrilled things turned out well and have my fingers crossed that this turns into a great relationship for you. I don't want to stress you out, but I'm a little concerned about a few things. It sounds like this guy is genuinely very into you, but I would also proceed with some caution. You don't know him that well, or whether you guys are truly compatible. I am worried that you are simply feeling in love because he gave you a lot of external validation, something you've done in the past. Make sure you guys have the basis for a real, lasting connection before you lay your heart out there. I know it is hard to do, but please try. I really hope the best for you, my dear friend.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Lol, this is like a circus. They should make a reality show based on OG's daily life. :lmao: OG, please, please do not have sex with this guy. You're incapable of detaching emotions from sex. I'm glad to hear you had a good time but you really need to keep your emotions in check because they're so borderline it's not even funny. You need to keep a clear head so you don't place him too high on a pedestal.
810 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Truthfully, if he's the kind of person to bolt after sex, it wouldn't matter if it happened now or later. it does. because later means she'll be happy for a few months with him vs. just a few days. If I could only have few months with him, I would be happy.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 it does. because later means she'll be happy for a few months with him vs. just a few days. It would be harder to take a guy leaving after a few months vs a few days though. Sorry, but if a guy just wants sex, he'll leave after he's got it be it the second date or twenty-second.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Just a side note: If the guy does disappear relatively soon after having sex, it does NOT necessarily mean he was "just after sex." If this does happen, it does NOT give free rein to heaping blame upon the guy. Please remember that! YOU are responsible. One of the reasons people often caution against jumping into sex early is that it can create a sense of intimacy that may not have been paralleled in the many other aspects of relationship. It can easily fizzle out, or become uncomfortable and inspire bolting. I'm not really against having sex early. It depends on the people involved. For me personally, waiting has always been the right choice. If the aim is to have a long lasting relationship, what is the big hurry?
Star Gazer Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 It would be harder to take a guy leaving after a few months vs a few days though. Sorry, but if a guy just wants sex, he'll leave after he's got it be it the second date or twenty-second. Totally disagree. If a guy is only looking for a "good time," he's not going to waste his time on 22 dates. He'll leave after he gets sex after 22 dates if the sex is really bad though. But typically the casual guy isn't going to wait or court a girl. The casual/sex only guy will invite her to his house for the third date to watch TV though. (Anyone catch that he has a huge TV? Why is that even relevant? I bet he has a house at the beach too....)
Star Gazer Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Just a side note: If the guy does disappear relatively soon after having sex, it does NOT necessarily mean he was "just after sex." If this does happen, it does NOT give free rein to heaping blame upon the guy. Please remember that! YOU are responsible. One of the reasons people often caution against jumping into sex early is that it can create a sense of intimacy that may not have been paralleled in the many other aspects of relationship. It can easily fizzle out, or become uncomfortable and inspire bolting. I'm not really against having sex early. It depends on the people involved. For me personally, waiting has always been the right choice. If the aim is to have a long lasting relationship, what is the big hurry? Oh, I totally agree. Just because he bails doesn't mean he's some slimy sexy only guy. The risk of false intimacy is huge; as is the let down when he realizes there really isn't a connection there beyond the physical (not "he" as in THIS guy, just in general). Same goes for women. I've bailed after having sex too soon as well. And yes, if OG's aim in dating is to live happily ever after (which is what I think it is), then what's the rush??
Crazy Magnet Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I say go with the flow on everything BUT sex. I brought my now BF back to my house after my birthday celebration completely tanked wearing nothing but a skin tight little black dress. He was SO freaked out that I was going to just want to have sex with him. That, however, was not my intention so we just made out like crazy all night. All clothes stayed on. You don't HAVE to have sex with this guy just b/c you go over to his house. Even in our 30's my BF and I were "official" for a week or two before we had sex. If this is a man you want in the long term realize you have all the time in the world to get to sex. I personally love the build up. Otherwise I'm sooooooooooooooo glad you gave it a shot and had such a lovely time. My BF and I are still the same way (holding hands across the table, etc.) a year later. If I can find my person anybody can. I hope it continues to go so good!
harmfulsweetz Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Totally disagree. If a guy is only looking for a "good time," he's not going to waste his time on 22 dates. He'll leave after he gets sex after 22 dates if the sex is really bad though. But typically the casual guy isn't going to wait or court a girl. The casual/sex only guy will invite her to his house for the third date to watch TV though. (Anyone catch that he has a huge TV? Why is that even relevant? I bet he has a house at the beach too....) Some guys do though, some guys get off on the chase, and then once they have caught a girl they will ditch. Rare, but it happens. What I guess I'm trying to say is, if his intentions are just for sex, he will ditch regardless of the time or won't stick around long enough if she makes him wait. And if his intentions are for more, her having sex tomorrow night with him, won't necessarily change that and he won't necessarily ditch. I do agree about the house part, it is very early and going for a date at his house is often code for 'let's have sex.' IME.
threebyfate Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Seriously glad to hear that you had a wonderful time! I've been dying to get online but all hell broke loose this morning. Big man needed chill pills but didn't take too kindly to that suggestion ! Little man as usual, got upset at the uproar. The phone also hasn't stop ringing from clients. It's just calmed down enough for me to get online.
tami-chan Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I agree with harmfulsweetz...so tread carefully, OG..good luck and have fun! Btw,Are we being sarcastic with this comment below and the "rolling eyes"? why even highlight it? Nobody commented on it but you....why is that? (Anyone catch that he has a huge TV? Why is that even relevant? I bet he has a house at the beach too....) So much for "olive branches":p:D
musemaj11 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Lol, at first I didnt notice 'the 60-inch TV' part. Thats just so funny. :laugh:
harmfulsweetz Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I agree with harmfulsweetz...so tread carefully, OG..good luck and have fun! Btw,Are we being sarcastic with this comment below and the "rolling eyes"? why even highlight it? Nobody commented on it but you....why is that? So much for "olive branches":p:D Those branches snapped. :lmao: Kidding.
John018 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I don't know why anyone is bothering to advise her not to have sex with this guy. It's quite obvious that she's going to ignore what we say and do it anyway. Personally I'd like for them to have sex as I'm interested to see what will happen next.
whichwayisup Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Yeah, a part of me is worried that sex is all he wants. Do you think I could spend whole evening at his place and say no to sex? Is that an OK thing to do? Since you seem to really like this guy, DO not have sex with him. You want a relationship or a fling? If he likes you as much as you like him then he'll wait and not rush into sex. Fooling around is one thing but having sex right away and not knowing him well could smell trouble later on. Get to know him, have fun dating, going out and doing stuff together, watch movies, shoot pool, go to hockey game.
Star Gazer Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Btw,Are we being sarcastic with this comment below and the "rolling eyes"? why even highlight it? Nobody commented on it but you....why is that? So much for "olive branches":p:D Leave your personal distaste for me out of OG's thread. Thanks. It wasn't sarcastic. It was an honest inquiry, based on OG's personality and dating patterns. OG tends to focus on the superficial, and it's not always looks-based. She once liked a guy because he had a house at the beach. She seems to like this guy because he pays her superficial compliments, and apparently because he has a big TV (which implies other things, like money). Why else would she mention the size of his TV? It's like the difference between saying: "He picked me up on time, and he was wearing stylish clothes and looked like he'd got a fresh haircut. I liked the effort." versus "He picked me up in his Mazerati, and was wearing an Armani suit."
threebyfate Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Yup, casual sex guys won't stick around very long so waiting is a good way to filter out these guys. And of course you're going to have guys who intimate that if you don't have sex earlier, they're going to walk. Once again, the filter works fine!
Star Gazer Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Yup, casual sex guys won't stick around very long so waiting is a good way to filter out these guys. And of course you're going to have guys who intimate that if you don't have sex earlier, they're going to walk. Once again, the filter works fine! Haha! The guys who hint that they'll walk make it so easy. Love my filter!!
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