Author Shellz2 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 he makes me feel so loved and desired when he does txt me, altho they have slowed down heaps and now I am the instigator.. thats' cos his wife wants to start a family and he feels trapped.. i live quite far away from him yet am paying for flights to go and see him.. how do i escape from his hold.. i dont know that i want to.. but apart from the occassional (and i say, occassional).. 'you are gorgeous'.. that is all i get unless i start it... am i foolish now? Could this be a future for us?
woinlove Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 he makes me feel so loved and desired when he does txt me, altho they have slowed down heaps and now I am the instigator.. thats' cos his wife wants to start a family and he feels trapped.. i live quite far away from him yet am paying for flights to go and see him.. how do i escape from his hold.. i dont know that i want to.. but apart from the occassional (and i say, occassional).. 'you are gorgeous'.. that is all i get unless i start it... am i foolish now? Could this be a future for us? That doesn't make any sense. If he was feeling trapped, he'd be even more likely to look for an escape, so why would his texting slow down? It sounds like you are throwing yourself at a married man who is not showing a lot of interest, but seems to enjoy some flirtation and escape. Given that you are also married, yes that sounds foolish. How you escape is to recognize that you have created a fantasy with a MM and to decide to live a more authentic and meaningful life. You could start by focussing on your marriage and deciding whether to end it or recommit to it.
Rose1977 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 he makes me feel so loved and desired when he does txt me, altho they have slowed down heaps and now I am the instigator.. thats' cos his wife wants to start a family and he feels trapped.. i live quite far away from him yet am paying for flights to go and see him.. how do i escape from his hold.. i dont know that i want to.. but apart from the occassional (and i say, occassional).. 'you are gorgeous'.. that is all i get unless i start it... am i foolish now? Could this be a future for us? Where does your H think you are going when you fly out of town? Does he not think it weird that you keep leaving town? If I were married to someone for years I would think it was weird if they suddenly began flying out of town regularly.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 . Now tell, me - what of true love? What about all the relationships that have developed that are now happy -those 2nd marriages that we see - often those people met while they were still married to someone else If your not sneaking around behind your spouse's back... Then it's not true love! Am I right? :love: I think the actual affair partner success rate hovers around 3%... but of course you are a special case, so that doesn't apply to you. Only us mortals suffer from afflictions like that. Look, your already in the fog... so you pretty much just want someone to agree with you. Just consider doing the right thing and getting divorced first. Being a cheat pretty much makes you the scum of the earth.
Owl Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 he makes me feel so loved and desired when he does txt me, altho they have slowed down heaps and now I am the instigator.. thats' cos his wife wants to start a family and he feels trapped.. i live quite far away from him yet am paying for flights to go and see him.. how do i escape from his hold.. i dont know that i want to.. but apart from the occassional (and i say, occassional).. 'you are gorgeous'.. that is all i get unless i start it... am i foolish now? Could this be a future for us? So...when are you filing for divorce? You obviously don't love your H in a "romantic" way. OM makes you feel awesome...I get that. But even regardless of that...YOU will need to be divorced in order to marry this other man, right? Even beyond that, clearly your marriage is doomed and not worth saving in the light of now knowing what "true love" feels like. So I'm assuming you've already told your H how you feel about OM and don't feel about him, an have begun the process of seperating and divorce? I understand you're hoping that OM will follow the same path...but clearly you BOTH should be filing for divorce at this point, right?
2sure Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Shellz... To be honest, this sounds more like a hidden friendship (still a betrayal to his wife) on his part and an emotional affair on your part. "I know he loves his wife and would never want to hurt her and I can handle that.. but I am afraid he is too busy for me now.. I am not important to him anymore... in the capacity of which I was enjoying...we used to chat for hours late at night after she had gone to bed on fb.. that no longer happens and I miss it..." From your posts it sounds like you want an affair with him and he is indifferent. To answer your question as to is it possible that the two of you could end up together...honey , in this case: No Chance. Try to stop projecting what you wish was happening and how you wish he felt and acted and take a look at what he is doing.
booinlove Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! I have a similar story. Married 25 years, two grown children. Have thought about leaving spouse on three occasions but didn't for reasons many don't. Security. Now my first love came back into my life. Never expected any feelings to arise as they have, but like you, I feel we are in love. First love is not attached. He was married for 10 years as well as in a long term relationship that ended just prior to he and I reconnecting. Spouse knows all about me and my first love. We have been in counseling now for 14 months. We have our ups and downs. There are times when I just want to walk away and be with other man, and there are times when I feel I am still in love with my husband. In counseling though, I have learned that my husband has been controlling and abusive even though I didn't realize it. Not in a physical sense or verbally, but just the sense that he wants me all to himself. I don't have any friends to speak of, I lost them when we dated and after we married. I was a strong person before I married and now I am kind of weak and dependent. He has been depressed since 1995 (when his mom passed away - I knew the first year but not the rest). He loves me so much and would do anything for me and that is what kills me. It kills me that I have hurt him so bad. I am so confused. I don't want to leave my marriage for this other person. I don't want him to be the reason for the demise of my marriage. I have tried to break off communication with him but it only lasts a day or two. I want to give my marriage an honest chance and then if things don't get worked out, then seek this other man once again. Good luck to you and if you want to talk privately with someone in the same/similar boat as you, please feel free to PM me. I could go on and on about my story but this is about you right now. I do want to say though that prior to my current situation, I used to be so judgemental about cheaters. My morals we set very high. What I know now is that you cannot judge a person for their choices. You do not know what goes on behind closed doors. I am not saying that cheating is justified, I wish I had never done it, but until a person is in that situation, they cannot judge.
wicar1 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 (edited) YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! I do want to say though that prior to my current situation, I used to be so judgemental about cheaters. My morals we set very high. What I know now is that you cannot judge a person for their choices. You do not know what goes on behind closed doors. I am not saying that cheating is justified, I wish I had never done it, but until a person is in that situation, they cannot judge. bu*****. A cheater is a selfish, dishonest, filthy bad person. - What I know now is that you cannot judge a person for their choices. You do not know what goes on behind closed doors. Someone could use the same argument against murders, thives, rapists, phedophiles, terrorists... ???? Edited December 10, 2010 by wicar1
karnak Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! I have a similar story. Married 25 years, two grown children. Have thought about leaving spouse on three occasions but didn't for reasons many don't. Security. Now my first love came back into my life. Never expected any feelings to arise as they have, but like you, I feel we are in love. In the end are you married because you have feelings for your husband or just because you feel comfortable having a "family life"?
2long Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 I do want to say though that prior to my current situation, I used to be so judgemental about cheaters. My morals we set very high. What I know now is that you cannot judge a person for their choices. Fine, don't judge people. Judge their choices. You do not know what goes on behind closed doors. I've got a pretty good idea!... I am not saying that cheating is justified, I wish I had never done it, but until a person is in that situation, they cannot judge. yes, you are saying that cheating is justified. All that's required is for the judge 2 not have been in the cheater's si2ation! Where do you find these rules? I'd look elsewhere for wisdom. -ol' 2long
Dexter Morgan Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 In the end are you married because you have feelings for your husband or just because you feel comfortable having a "family life"? its the latter
Author Shellz2 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Out of all the words in this forum given to me.. yours has made me think the most.. thank you.. I have some big decisions to make.. That doesn't make any sense. If he was feeling trapped, he'd be even more likely to look for an escape, so why would his texting slow down? It sounds like you are throwing yourself at a married man who is not showing a lot of interest, but seems to enjoy some flirtation and escape. Given that you are also married, yes that sounds foolish. How you escape is to recognize that you have created a fantasy with a MM and to decide to live a more authentic and meaningful life. You could start by focussing on your marriage and deciding whether to end it or recommit to it.
woinlove Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Out of all the words in this forum given to me.. yours has made me think the most.. thank you.. I have some big decisions to make.. You're welcome! Good luck and continue posting whenever you want to discuss things and get different perspectives.
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