Future with this man?

[Shellz2]

I would appreciate any reader's comments. I am still in love with my first love. I had kept this to myself until about a year ago when both of us met and talked all night. He has been married for over 15 years and I have been married for over 20 years. We have been having a kindof affair (well, at least a hidden friendship) over the past year since and I love him with all my heart!! He wont' leave his wife as he loves her too and I know this. My marriage is not comfortable but until he returned to the scene, I had made myself as happy as I felt I could be. My husband is caring and loves me but doesnt know how - this man has such a hold on me, I am hooked. What would you do in my place? I long for him to txt me each day? When he talks to me, I quiver... and when he has kissed me, I feel like I am on another planet... it was like this when we were young.. I know some people can have long lasting 'affairs" and end up together - am I just a dreamer??? I feel like I am 18 again, not in my 40s.. and it's nice to be told I am attractive, loved and desired...

[jennie-jennie]

Rekindled love truly is something special. The experts say that rekindled love returns the teenage hormones your body has long since stopped producing. It is like when you were young. I know, because I am in a rekindled relationship myself.

 

You need to weigh the benefits against the consequences, all the time keeping in mind that your relationship may never go beyond being an extramarital relationship. If you don't think what you have today is worth it in and by itself, then you should reconsider being in the relationship at all.

 

Sure, there is a possibility your MM might leave his marriage in the future, but that is all it is, a possibility.

 

To me, our love is worth it. :love:

Edited November 22, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[hoping2heal]

I would appreciate any reader's comments. I am still in love with my first love. I had kept this to myself until about a year ago when both of us met and talked all night. He has been married for over 15 years and I have been married for over 20 years. We have been having a kindof affair (well, at least a hidden friendship) over the past year since and I love him with all my heart!! He wont' leave his wife as he loves her too and I know this. My marriage is not comfortable but until he returned to the scene, I had made myself as happy as I felt I could be. My husband is caring and loves me but doesnt know how - this man has such a hold on me, I am hooked. What would you do in my place? I long for him to txt me each day? When he talks to me, I quiver... and when he has kissed me, I feel like I am on another planet... it was like this when we were young.. I know some people can have long lasting 'affairs" and end up together - am I just a dreamer??? I feel like I am 18 again, not in my 40s.. and it's nice to be told I am attractive, loved and desired...

 

Getting into an affair is a very self destructive decision. While some do end in "success" that amount is very, very small. Seeing that he has made it clear he will not leave his wife - I commend him for being honest about it but you should also take him seriously. The feelings you have now may be all encompassing and have sent you on a high, it is understandable why those feelings are so inviting right now and why you would want to have more of them. However, the way this affair is likely to leave you when it's dissolved won't be so pretty. If you are not happy in your marriage, which it sounds like you are not consider your options there, but don't wreck yourself the way an affair likely will in the end.

[bentnotbroken]

I would appreciate any reader's comments. I am still in love with my first love. I had kept this to myself until about a year ago when both of us met and talked all night. He has been married for over 15 years and I have been married for over 20 years. We have been having a kindof affair (well, at least a hidden friendship) over the past year since and I love him with all my heart!! He wont' leave his wife as he loves her too and I know this. My marriage is not comfortable but until he returned to the scene, I had made myself as happy as I felt I could be. My husband is caring and loves me but doesnt know how - this man has such a hold on me, I am hooked. What would you do in my place? I long for him to txt me each day? When he talks to me, I quiver... and when he has kissed me, I feel like I am on another planet... it was like this when we were young.. I know some people can have long lasting 'affairs" and end up together - am I just a dreamer??? I feel like I am 18 again, not in my 40s.. and it's nice to be told I am attractive, loved and desired...

 

 

Tell your husband what you just posted here. Is kinda of affair like a little pregnant? And while you are looking for that validation outside yourself(it is nice to hear but to screw up so many lives for it...I don't think so)you will continue on this path and you probably have already made up your mind as it seems you have entertained this thought for some time.

[NoLongerSad]

"Future with this man"?

 

Assuming the man you are talking about is your husband, then probably not.

[lkjh]

This will destroy your marriage, then you will realize that this OM is nothing more than a fantasy, you will destroy your H and kids, and finally a year or two after you will be on here posting about how much you miss your family and want your H back. You will write things like "I never realized how much I love my H", or "I was blinded by the affair fog".

 

 

Try acting like a married person and cut the OM off. Next talk with your H and tell him you want to get the romantic spark back

[Untouchable_Fire]

He has been married for over 15 years and ... He wont' leave his wife as he loves her too and I know this.

 

 

 

I know some people can have long lasting 'affairs" and end up together - am I just a dreamer??? .

 

I see a long future as a mistress...

[Shellz2]

Thanks it was lovely to hear your words of home.. I have some big decisions to make.

 

Rekindled love truly is something special. The experts say that rekindled love returns the teenage hormones your body has long since stopped producing. It is like when you were young. I know, because I am in a rekindled relationship myself.

 

You need to weigh the benefits against the consequences, all the time keeping in mind that your relationship may never go beyond being an extramarital relationship. If you don't think what you have today is worth it in and by itself, then you should reconsider being in the relationship at all.

 

Sure, there is a possibility your MM might leave his marriage in the future, but that is all it is, a possibility.

 

To me, our love is worth it. :love:

[lkjh]

Thanks it was lovely to hear your words of home.. I have some big decisions to make.

 

Be careful, a lot of people on these boards are OW/OM and they tend to romanticize affairs

[steelknife]

if he cant leave his wife. theres your answer.

its simple. either you or wife. black or white. no gray areas here. leave before it is too late. put a stop to this.

the feeling of infatuation will not last. it will be replaced by insecurity and so much unhappiness. while you have the strength to walk away. dont start this please.

[wicar1]

I would appreciate any reader's comments. ...

 

I think you should tell your H about your affair. Poor guy needs to know that his wife's cheating on him and thinking about breaking the family.

 

I can assume OM's always telling what you wanna hear, he says your beautiful, you feel like a teen ..blah blah,...... - He needs access to your pants that is it. You can leave your marriage and become his mistress.

 

Your H doesnt deserve you, no people deserve a cheater as their partner.

[Shellz2]

I kinda thought on this forum people would be more open minded but in fact I have come under the judgement of many who say I am doing the wrong thing. ... this has not turned into an affair yet.. but I know could be. I have kissed him once and he, me... and it was lovely but that was all. .. Now tell, me - what of true love? What about all the relationships that have developed that are now happy -those 2nd marriages that we see - often those people met while they were still married to someone else. I do tend to think that those who are quick to judge people like myself are those who think people like me (or him) are off jumping into everybody's pants.. what if it is only him for me, and me for him? Is that not possible?? Is it not possible to have made a mistake in marrying the wrong man? If so, do I have to stay unhappy or can I not seek happiness with this OM? The issues he has with his wife are his, not mine. (They have no children). Curious for comments..

[East7]

I would appreciate any reader's comments. I am still in love with my first love. I had kept this to myself until about a year ago when both of us met and talked all night. He has been married for over 15 years and I have been married for over 20 years. We have been having a kindof affair (well, at least a hidden friendship) over the past year since and I love him with all my heart!! He wont' leave his wife as he loves her too and I know this. My marriage is not comfortable but until he returned to the scene, I had made myself as happy as I felt I could be. My husband is caring and loves me but doesnt know how - this man has such a hold on me, I am hooked. What would you do in my place? I long for him to txt me each day? When he talks to me, I quiver... and when he has kissed me, I feel like I am on another planet... it was like this when we were young.. I know some people can have long lasting 'affairs" and end up together - am I just a dreamer??? I feel like I am 18 again, not in my 40s.. and it's nice to be told I am attractive, loved and desired...

 

This will end up in pain !

 

The same exact thing happened to me except that I was the OM and she is married. Also I am single.

It was all bliss, sparks and walking on the clouds for her too, she still says she is crazy about me.

Finally she decided to stay in her M for comfort and security (I know because she told me...).

 

Now let me get this straight.

You say : " I know some people can have long lasting 'affairs" and end up together - am I just a dreamer??? I feel like I am 18 again, not in my 40s.. and it's nice to be told I am attractive, loved and desired.."

 

Long-lasting affair ?

My xMW/AP has exactly the same ideals, she wants me forever but she doesn't want to divorce now.

Feeling loved and desired ?

Have you tried to have this from your husband, or you are just bored with him? IMO you are bored !

 

You will probably follow the same pattern as many married women :

- You fall in love with OM

- You are torn between him and your H.

- Fianally you realize that you can't leave your H for x reasons.

- You'll be back in your M, not happier than before wondering if you should stay or divorce, living in limbo for 1, 2 or many years.

 

Don't take the easy way out. If you are bored and unhappy try to fix your marriage or move out to be happy with someone else. A is not a solution, you will hurt yourself and the other man.

[Shellz2]

When this first started - 12 months ago - I felt young and in love again... he made me feel so special and his top priority. Now I can go days without him texting me and although I say it's ok.. and am trying to act oh, so mature about it, it hurts.. my work is suffering cos I find it hard to concentrate...

I know he loves his wife and would never want to hurt her and I can handle that.. but I am afraid he is too busy for me now.. I am not important to him anymore... in the capacity of which I was enjoying...we used to chat for hours late at night after she had gone to bed on fb.. that no longer happens and I miss it...

Yet when he does talk to me, or come on facebook, the magic is rekindled, and I forgive and want him back.....

Why do I feel so confused? What are these feelings?

Am I just being too much a chick?

Gosh I sound like a melodramatic teen - but I guess that's what these places are for, aye... please advise..

[East7]

When this first started - 12 months ago - I felt young and in love again... he made me feel so special and his top priority. Now I can go days without him texting me and although I say it's ok.. and am trying to act oh, so mature about it, it hurts.. my work is suffering cos I find it hard to concentrate...

I know he loves his wife and would never want to hurt her and I can handle that.. but I am afraid he is too busy for me now.. I am not important to him anymore... in the capacity of which I was enjoying...we used to chat for hours late at night after she had gone to bed on fb.. that no longer happens and I miss it...

Yet when he does talk to me, or come on facebook, the magic is rekindled, and I forgive and want him back.....

Why do I feel so confused? What are these feelings?

Am I just being too much a chick?

Gosh I sound like a melodramatic teen - but I guess that's what these places are for, aye... please advise..

 

It's amazing you act exactly the same as my xMW, we used to chat and talk for hours, it was an addiction and we used to spend the day thinking about each-other.

Well, the feelings that you have it is because it is hormonal/chemical, he has activated in you the kind of feeling that we have when we are teen, I bet you haven't felt this in decades . Its being crazy about someone, feeling on the clouds, addicted and loosing every control, ...tell me if I'm wrong .

 

I have some news for you, it will last for a while ! Especially if you don't have him, it makes it more romantic-unachieved-love drama.

You will be physically with your husband and emotionnaly dreaming about OM. I bet you have already dreamed about him.

[wicar1]

When this first started - 12 months ago - I felt young and in love again... he made me feel so special and his top priority. Now I can go days without him texting me and although I say it's ok.. and am trying to act oh, so mature about it, it hurts.. my work is suffering cos I find it hard to concentrate...

I know he loves his wife and would never want to hurt her and I can handle that.. but I am afraid he is too busy for me now.. I am not important to him anymore... in the capacity of which I was enjoying...we used to chat for hours late at night after she had gone to bed on fb.. that no longer happens and I miss it...

Yet when he does talk to me, or come on facebook, the magic is rekindled, and I forgive and want him back.....

Why do I feel so confused? What are these feelings?

Am I just being too much a chick?

Gosh I sound like a melodramatic teen - but I guess that's what these places are for, aye... please advise..

 

It says one thing, as you said maybe you ve married the wrong person. Probably OM did the same mistake. Anyway you ve wasted 20 years of your life and your Hs life. OM wasted 15 years of his and his W's life..

 

wow.. that's 60 years ...lol

 

I think you should talk to your H and tell him the truth, coz you ve been cheating.

 

OM, I doubt if he will ever comeback to you.. coz l from how I see, he wanted a mistress not a new love.

[East7]

I would add:

If the OM has no children and if he really wants to be with you, it would be easy for him to move out of his M (children make it much more complicated).

 

It's all about what do YOU want ? What does HE wants ?

Are you ready to leave your H ? I don't think so.

Is your OM ready to leave and move with you ? I don't think either he is ready...

So what's the point? You are both having a double life and it can't last forever.

[Woman In Blue]

I long for him to txt me each day? When he talks to me, I quiver... and when he has kissed me, I feel like I am on another planet... it was like this when we were young.. I know some people can have long lasting 'affairs" and end up together - am I just a dreamer??? I feel like I am 18 again, not in my 40s.. and it's nice to be told I am attractive, loved and desired...

So, you basically have a text and Facebook chatting relationship? Wow, that's almost as fulfilling as a real relationship.

 

This guy doesn't have kids - which is always the lame excuse married men use to NOT have to leave their wives. Your MM doesn't even HAVE the "I can't leave my kids!!" standard, textbook excuse they ALL use - and he's STILL not willing to leave his wife for you. What are the chances in the future that you'll end up with him? Ummm...none.

 

.. but I am afraid he is too busy for me now.. I am not important to him anymore... in the capacity of which I was enjoying...we used to chat for hours late at night after she had gone to bed on fb.. that no longer happens and I miss it...

And this statement just proves that your chances of a future with him one day are ZERO. All the guy was looking for was a little excitement on the side - not a new wife or to change his life in ANY way. Except now, he's not even craving that excitement, anymore. I think you have a better chance of meeting Elvis in the checkout line at your local grocery store than you do of EVER having a future with this guy.

 

It sounds as though this little fantasy of yours and his has kind of played itself out.

[bentnotbroken]

I kinda thought on this forum people would be more open minded but in fact I have come under the judgement of many who say I am doing the wrong thing. ... this has not turned into an affair yet.. but I know could be. I have kissed him once and he, me... and it was lovely but that was all. .. Now tell, me - what of true love? What about all the relationships that have developed that are now happy -those 2nd marriages that we see - often those people met while they were still married to someone else. I do tend to think that those who are quick to judge people like myself are those who think people like me (or him) are off jumping into everybody's pants.. what if it is only him for me, and me for him? Is that not possible?? Is it not possible to have made a mistake in marrying the wrong man? If so, do I have to stay unhappy or can I not seek happiness with this OM? The issues he has with his wife are his, not mine. (They have no children). Curious for comments..

 

 

No children, horrible marriage yet he still chooses all of that instead of being with you. Wonder why? 2nd marriages...whole different animal. Stats say the divorce rate for those are more than 1st marriages. And what of true love? Do tell us. If you two are all that for each other and a bag of chips...then stop taking the punk way out and go wide open with it. Or are you two to concerned about what others would say instead of being with your true lubbbb?

[East7]

You are pathetic, and selfish person. You are only think about yourself, and not your husband. I hope your husband finds out about your affair and dump your piece of worthless azz You sound like my ex. My ex-gf was cheating on her husband with me. I found out 2 and half year later. I thank God for that is over and able to find a decent girl who is single.

 

Wow Dude you didn't knew your GF was married for 2.5 years time ?

WOW...

 

This board is not about offending or judging people. If you have nothing better to say, you know...

[The_Middleman]

Originally Posted by nittanylion

You are pathetic, and selfish person. You are only think about yourself, and not your husband. I hope your husband finds out about your affair and dump your piece of worthless azz .

I may not have phrased it the quite way nittanylion did, but my sentiments are about the same. You and your ex have no business being in contact. You are married and committed to someone else for 20 years and so is he. To continue to do what you are doing is selfish, destructive and degrading to your husband and family.

 

You also said this relationship with your ex was not an affair yet. Well, this is not true, you have already given yourself to your ex emotionally. What happens physically after that is really of little consequence; you have already cheated on your husband in the area that counts the most.

 

If your marriage is a loveless as you say it is then you owe it you your husband to tell him and leave him, this way you can pursue your fantasy and he can move on with his life.

[bentnotbroken]

Wow Dude you didn't knew your GF was married for 2.5 years time ?

WOW...

 

This board is not about offending or judging people. If you have nothing better to say, you know...

 

 

...by others standards...say what you feel and deal with the consequences. We all do.

[kuma]

I know he loves his wife and would never want to hurt her and I can handle that.. but I am afraid he is too busy for me now.. I am not important to him anymore... in the capacity of which I was enjoying...we used to chat for hours late at night after she had gone to bed on fb.. that no longer happens and I miss it...

 

If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more of my time with him. Maybe his wife got suspicious or he's not into you anymore.

[2long]

I kinda thought on this forum people would be more open minded but in fact I have come under the judgement of many who say I am doing the wrong thing.

 

You will obviously get some harsh judgment as well as the kind of "support" you think you want here. But consider this: You WANT 2 be told you're doing the right thing, that you've really found your true love and should do whatever it takes 2 pursue that, regardless of who it hurts or what commitments you've made 2 your spouses and kids. But is that realistic? Or is it as obviously wishful thinking 2 you as it is 2 many of us?

 

... this has not turned into an affair yet.. but I know could be. I have kissed him once and he, me... and it was lovely but that was all.

 

And denial ain't just a river in Egypt, you know. This is an affair. Steve Harley, of Marriage Builders, once defined an affair as "what your spouse thinks it is." A more meaningful definition for you might be 2 think about this question: Do you do or say anything with your OM that you wouldn't do or say in front of your husband? If so, that's an affair.

 

.. Now tell, me - what of true love?

 

Most people who profess 2 have found true love have no clue what it even is. Real love is a conscious choice, it is not a feeling at all.

 

Ever hear the one: "What's the difference between true love and herpes?"

Answer: "Herpes really does last forever." ...that was before AIDS.

 

What about all the relationships that have developed that are now happy -those 2nd marriages that we see - often those people met while they were still married to someone else.

 

I've heard it quoted (and I've done this myself) that, statistically marriages that started out as affairs have a 3-5% chance of lasting longer than 5 years. I ac2ally think that statistic is rather skewed, but the odds are still against affairees being 2gether in the long haul.

 

I do tend to think that those who are quick to judge people like myself are those who think people like me (or him) are off jumping into everybody's pants.. what if it is only him for me, and me for him? Is that not possible??

 

Sure it is, I suppose. But long term, if one is pursuing the other, won't the other even2ally just cave?

 

Is it not possible to have made a mistake in marrying the wrong man?

 

This is also possible, but it's far more likely that you're revising your marital his2ry as you go so that you won't feel so bad about what you're about 2 do.

 

If so, do I have to stay unhappy or can I not seek happiness with this OM? The issues he has with his wife are his, not mine. (They have no children). Curious for comments..

 

Wise people have learned that happiness comes from doing the right thing. It doesn't come from someone or something "new." Hence this quote: "Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you have."

 

Frank Pittman has written a whole book about how taking responsibility for one's choices and actions in life is what will make them happy.

 

-ol' 2long

[Distant78]

Tell your husband what you have done then divorce him, so he can find someone who really loves him the way he should be loved. If you care about this MM so much, then why keep dragging your husband and family down with you? Please, if you really think your relationship is going to work with the idiot, who wants nothing but your body, release your husband from your destruction. And to think you're not his wife's problem has me chuckling. You're a married spouse messing with another person's spouse, someone else's partner so essentially, yes, you are partially the problem, especially since you know they're married.