jealousy101 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 My boyfriend and I started dating last summer and it was great! We broke up after I left, for school, but after a few weeks began emailing each other. We started texting and calling, then became even closer friends, did a long distance open relationship and then started dating, now I am living with him. Ever since we started living together I have started getting jealous over little things, which never happened before. I found some flirtatious texts with his ex girlfriend (first love, who is one of 4 people in his life he trusts everything with), but he promises they are just friends and she is just lonely and good to talk to, no interest. I found old love emails from his recent ex girlfriend on his email that he hasn't deleted. Also, a little twist, after I left last summer he almost immediately started seeing someone else, which I didn't know about until a few months after we had started talking again. I never thought it was a big relationship, just something to help with me coping, but then I found some Facebook messages between her and him right after she left talking about how much they miss each other, how he wants to run away with her, how he was trying to call her all the time. When I had left I had to email him and it wasn't until a week after the fact and I didn't start calling him until about a month later. Now he is deeply in love with me, loved me more than anyone and I love him more than anyone (we are talking about marriage), but I just can't get that girl out of my head! I keep comparing myself to his last big relationship and I keep getting insanely heartbroken about the girl he dated right after I left for the summer. Oh, and I can't stop getting a little jealous of his ex girlfriend he confines everything in (especially about our relationship!). Are these just me being paranoid and jealous or do I have a right reasoning? I know that these were all in his past and that he doesn't love them anymore, but it still just makes me wonder! Especially when I keep finding things! HELP!
Kendrick Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Its a little bit of both of you. I understand you're jealous and you actually have a right to be. The things you found that were in the past I would let them die. But the main thing that concerns me is, the fact he still confides in his ex and talks to her about all kinds of things including your relationship. He should be discussing these things with you, not her. I think its fine for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex, but when alot of their time and energy is spent talking to that person about certain things, it takes away from the relationship, that needs attention. Have you told him that his talking to his ex bothers you?
Brandi 2 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Its a little bit of both of you. I understand you're jealous and you actually have a right to be. The things you found that were in the past I would let them die. But the main thing that concerns me is, the fact he still confides in his ex and talks to her about all kinds of things including your relationship. He should be discussing these things with you, not her. I think its fine for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex, but when alot of their time and energy is spent talking to that person about certain things, it takes away from the relationship, that needs attention. Have you told him that his talking to his ex bothers you? I was thinking the same thing. Good reply and advice:)
Author jealousy101 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 I have told him that it bothers me, but he just promises that he has NO interest in her and that she is just an old friend and one of the few people he can talk to. He says that it helps him talk about our relationship and think things through and, ironically, said I should find someone to get advice from and talk to (I guess starting this account was what he wanted to ha... even though he doesn't know about it). Anyways, another thing just popped up. His recent ex girlfriend that he had dated for 4 years (and married on a whim so they could live in the same room on a cruiseline for a year and is still technically married to) has just recently gotten in contact with him. They weren't speaking before, since she ran away with his best friend and is now pregnant with his twins, but now they just started talking, cordially. Him and I were cleaning our room and he found a box of her old stuff, including her old wedding ring. He was up front with me, but he says he wants to keep it, he had lost his. I told him that I don't like this, I don't like that I've found old love letters from her saved on his email (I didn't tell him that I snooped) and I don't like that he wants to keep her ring. I mean, WHY? Why does he keep things like this? To just remember fond memories of another woman? If we marry (which we have talked a lot about) is he going to just look back on that ring and thing of his other awesome wife? ...eesh.
Author jealousy101 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Its a little bit of both of you. I understand you're jealous and you actually have a right to be. The things you found that were in the past I would let them die. But the main thing that concerns me is, the fact he still confides in his ex and talks to her about all kinds of things including your relationship. He should be discussing these things with you, not her. I think its fine for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex, but when alot of their time and energy is spent talking to that person about certain things, it takes away from the relationship, that needs attention. Have you told him that his talking to his ex bothers you? Thank you very much for the advice, btw, it really helped me realize that rehashing the past in my head or out loud wasn't healthy for me or our relationship. I know he loves me and I do need to trust him more, he has never given me a reason not to. This is just my FIRST big relationship and he is 7 years older than me and has had several. Several woman he has been in love with, several relationships lasting over 3 years, very experienced, etc. so it makes it hard...
Recommended Posts