durkadurka Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 ....really? What are you fishing for here?
Author fun2bewith Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 ....really? What are you fishing for here? I understand you are a person for the future...You do not like to dwell on the past...Since you are an establish member with more than 300 posts I will take the time to explain myself to you...After all looking at your posts it seems to me like you know what you are talking about. I think it is so obvious what I am fishing for... I want to create a “thread” where people can see how long it actually takes for the "other" party (EX)... to re-establish contact. Since this is a “second chances” forum. I think it takes about 2-3 months for this to happen…If this occurs a lot then maybe we can be encouraged not to contact the person preventing more pain and in affect take your mind of the person and focusing on your own life for the time being. Especially if you are hurt and were dumped or cheated on. This information can be use to motivate others to stay positive and keep NC…and maybe by the time you get to 2-3 months, you will be feeling much better and maybe then you can go for a second chance … So feel free to debate this….
fabio10 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Just cause they are contacting you dose not mean they want to get back together, but you never know, I dont buy into these blanket answers some posters give on here e.g not every ex is massaging their ego with contact granted some are but it is not logical to assume one size fits all ex's. Back to the point 2/3 months aint really that long is it, I know post break up it seems like years but my girl dumped me in July she is trying to contact me about every ten days or so mostly through texts I dont respond I love her but I've come to terms with the fact that right now we aint meant to be but in the years to come I'd love to think we have a small chance people really have to grow and change I think for second chances to work and I think its a process that can take years, and Im not going to be friend zoned ! So Im dissappearing, going to travel the world for a year or so and LIVE !!!
aerogurl87 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Contact means nothing if it's for the wrong reasons. My ex keeps contacting me every 2-3 months or doing something to warrant me to think "well why did he do that" and then want an answer. Does it mean we're going to get back together? No, although I'm sure he's banking on either that or hooking up one day in the future thanks to his most recent text to me that said "you'll find a way to talk to me again, bye". Anyway, my point is don't focus on your ex, focus on yourself. If they really love you they'll come crawling back and begging for forgiveness and a second chance, not throwing you little breadcrumbs every few months. And in the meantime maybe you'll get lucky like I did and find someone who makes whatever greatness you saw in them, pale in comparison to a newfound love.
durkadurka Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I understand you are a person for the future...You do not like to dwell on the past...Since you are an establish member with more than 300 posts I will take the time to explain myself to you...After all looking at your posts it seems to me like you know what you are talking about. I think it is so obvious what I am fishing for... I want to create a “thread” where people can see how long it actually takes for the "other" party (EX)... to re-establish contact. Since this is a “second chances” forum. I think it takes about 2-3 months for this to happen…If this occurs a lot then maybe we can be encouraged not to contact the person preventing more pain and in affect take your mind of the person and focusing on your own life for the time being. Especially if you are hurt and were dumped or cheated on. This information can be use to motivate others to stay positive and keep NC…and maybe by the time you get to 2-3 months, you will be feeling much better and maybe then you can go for a second chance … So feel free to debate this…. And what I'm saying is what's the point of waiting for something that may or may not happen. What you're fishing for is some sort of reinforcement that your ex will contact you and you will get the outcome you want. Just.. let it go man.
Nkognito Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Actually I am curious, not because I am hopeful but because I have seen patterns in relationships and everyone of you should know this if you've been on these forums enough. I think there is a pattern to contact periods as well. Also it would be nice to know what type of contact was made and what was said. If we can have a thread about "Post here instead of contacting your ex". then why not a "Post here of what contact your ex made with you". Give the person a break I say and lets find out who has been contacted. Sure we don't have fairy tale endings but hey there is a purpose for second chance forums and out of the small percentage of people who got back with their ex, they eventually got back together.
MS32010 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Venture onto my started thread....but its been like every 2-3 months NC for me for the past year and a half...
listen_to_me_please Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 2 years 6 months of NC and then a contact in the form of a facebook friend add request. i hit ignore. i wonder what she wanted.
Author fun2bewith Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Actually I am curious, not because I am hopeful but because I have seen patterns in relationships and everyone of you should know this if you've been on these forums enough. I think there is a pattern to contact periods as well. Also it would be nice to know what type of contact was made and what was said. If we can have a thread about "Post here instead of contacting your ex". then why not a "Post here of what contact your ex made with you". Give the person a break I say and lets find out who has been contacted. Sure we don't have fairy tale endings but hey there is a purpose for second chance forums and out of the small percentage of people who got back with their ex, they eventually got back together. I Like it...
Trovador Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Well if you want diversity... my most recent ex contactes me just after a few days... the last time it was just for some hours... According to my experience, in order to get back together, contact must be done in a crucial time, three weeks at most... if nothing happens in that time, why would it happen three months later? I think most people, myself included, after the mark of a month don't really want to get involved again with their exes... right, they might think still of you and even miss you, but wanting to get back together? As I said, that is my experience after three or four break ups...
deuces Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Well, here we go. My ex broke up with me in August. She made contact in November, almost 2 weeks ago. She told me she wanted me back and would do whatever it takes to make that happen. She has called, told me she missed me, loved me, made the biggest mistake of her life, etc. I waited what seemed like forever to hear those words come out of her mouth and when they finally did, they didn't make me feel as good as I thought. She also said she had gotten overwhelmed with our situation, and needed to "escape" for a bit. That escape came in the form of seeing another guy during the past few months. I suspect they have broken up so now it's back to me. Makes me think she just can't be alone and I have become the fall back plan. I invested 5 years of my life into this girl only to be lied to and played with so as much as I want her back as well, I can't help but be terrified out of my mind. Not really a good basis for a second chance and a new start. It boils down to that I really just don't believe her true intentions and I guess only time and thru her actions, will I be able to tell. Hard part about our situation is she is in another country so I have to rely more on my gut instinct...
freefall Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 My ex left in July 2010 after nearly 4 years together. She basically said she didn't love me any more. We had been extremely happy (or so I thought) and she started a college course for our future. Following us finishing she was in regular contact until I found out after a few months of contact that she was with someone else - someone she had met in college and who I had met and been for drinks etc with. The person she was with had left a relationship (was engaged) to be with her. I put in NC at the start of Oct and she texted me last week to tell me she had passed her exams. Totally ignored.
poorguy Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 My ex and I broke up in June after almost 3 years. Mostly because her friends were pulling us apart to party and hang out with whoever. Right after the split she had a new boyfriend. We still talked until maybe July I cut all contact. So 2 months go by and I think she texted me twice but I didn't respond. It wasn't until October when she sent me a sincere apology series of texts that I started talking to her again. So answer to the question is 2 months for me. Now I would say not 5 days or less will go by and I get some sort of contact from her-even though I believe she still lives with her boyfriend...Sometimes there about random things that she could figure out on her own and other times there about us and our relationship and what went wrong with it, yet other times there about missing everything we had together. So I'm not sure what any of it actually means but she contacts me a lot more than I'm sure her boyfriend would like to know and I'm sure he wouldn't like some of the sexting she does with me either
Username37 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Yup. Broke up May 16 and I got contact on May, June and July. After that, nothing, because I ignored her and that totally sent a message
Author fun2bewith Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 I dated a girl in 2003 and we broke up in 2004...NASTY Break-up! After one month NC I contacted her and soon we were back together again, but it lasted one week... After that I went NC for 2 months she made contact and we got back together again and it lasted 3 days. I then went NC for 2 months again and she came to my place , it lasted a week. This continued until March 2005 when she made her final contact after 3 months of NC. I once saw her in 2006, she was happy to see me and hugged me and we wished each other well for the future after that we never spoke again... So my guess is still about 2 - 3 months...
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