An Update.....

[kaysun]

I read this forum about everyday but haven't posted in a while. There was a lot of responses and help to the questions I had on my previous thread so I thought I'd give everyone an update. My W and I are getting a divorce.

 

I just couldn't do it any longer. Some things that have happened since I last posted:

 

1.) She won't quit her job or stop her traveling. I've asked numerous times but she said she worked too hard at it to quit. She actually went to Canada in late Oct. for 3 days and went to a 4 day show in KY that the OM was going to be at. In Canada, she went out to a late night dinner with another male co-worker. I asked her not to but she did anyway. I told her it was going to hurt me with the affair so fresh in my mind. Her reply, "I didn't do anything wrong". The KY trip was even harder as that was the place the A started. Same place, same hotel, same people. It was a tough 4 days.

 

2.) Right or wrong, I've talked about the HIV scare a few times. I kept saying how unbelievably wrong / bad that is, to have unprotected sex with someone you barely know. She tells me to quit bringing it up, that nobody got hurt so we don't need to talk about. I told her it's like she played Russian Roulette with my life. She thinks it's easy to forget because a bullet didn't hit me. She doesn't understand that she pulled the trigger many times and I just got lucky.

 

3.) We were having an argument one night because I felt like I was the only one really trying at making our M work. She said she was too but I just didn't see it. I asked what she was doing and she said she comes home every night. I asked if she thought that was good enough, to just come home. She said she did because she could leave if she wanted to. I asked why that logic didn't work so she didn't have the affair. I was home every night too, so why wasn't that good enough?

 

4.) My W was in a wedding party where the reception was at a hotel / resort that they had sex at. I knew going there would be hard for me and voiced that to my W. Sometime during the night my W came up to me and asked if everything was alright. I said I was having a hard time being there. She said, "it's not like we had sex on the dance floor."

 

5.) Around the 5 month mark, post D-Day, I was talking to my W about the A and asking some general questions about it. She got upset and said that she didn't want to talk about the A again or answer anymore questions about it. She said she had the right to not talk about it or answer anymore questions regarding it. She wasn't going to talk about him anymore. She then said that for us to "move forward" that I needed to forgive her right away. I told her I wasn't ready to forgive her 14 month affair in 5 months time. She said I needed to as 5 months was long enough.

 

Unless there is some divine intervention we're going to get divorced. The paperwork is already started and she's been living with her parents for the last month. I have days that I know I'll get thru this and days that I wonder how the hell I'm going to get thru it. It hurts like crazy to kiss and hug the kids goodbye when they go to stay with her.

 

I've always said, "I could dance with the devil everyday of the week, if it meant seeing my kids every night." I was wrong. I've never experienced pain like this, and try as I might, I know I can't live like this either. I feel like I failed.

[U2RockZz]

i can't offer any suggestions on kids front...but never allow a women like that manipulate you to believe some thing which is not there to start with......she confessed to you only cuz of the hiv scare..nothing more.....hire a good lawyer....and protect the money....good luck

[pureinheart]

I read this forum about everyday but haven't posted in a while. There was a lot of responses and help to the questions I had on my previous thread so I thought I'd give everyone an update. My W and I are getting a divorce.

 

I just couldn't do it any longer. Some things that have happened since I last posted:

 

1.) She won't quit her job or stop her traveling. I've asked numerous times but she said she worked too hard at it to quit. She actually went to Canada in late Oct. for 3 days and went to a 4 day show in KY that the OM was going to be at. In Canada, she went out to a late night dinner with another male co-worker. I asked her not to but she did anyway. I told her it was going to hurt me with the affair so fresh in my mind. Her reply, "I didn't do anything wrong". The KY trip was even harder as that was the place the A started. Same place, same hotel, same people. It was a tough 4 days.

 

2.) Right or wrong, I've talked about the HIV scare a few times. I kept saying how unbelievably wrong / bad that is, to have unprotected sex with someone you barely know. She tells me to quit bringing it up, that nobody got hurt so we don't need to talk about. I told her it's like she played Russian Roulette with my life. She thinks it's easy to forget because a bullet didn't hit me. She doesn't understand that she pulled the trigger many times and I just got lucky.

 

3.) We were having an argument one night because I felt like I was the only one really trying at making our M work. She said she was too but I just didn't see it. I asked what she was doing and she said she comes home every night. I asked if she thought that was good enough, to just come home. She said she did because she could leave if she wanted to. I asked why that logic didn't work so she didn't have the affair. I was home every night too, so why wasn't that good enough?

 

4.) My W was in a wedding party where the reception was at a hotel / resort that they had sex at. I knew going there would be hard for me and voiced that to my W. Sometime during the night my W came up to me and asked if everything was alright. I said I was having a hard time being there. She said, "it's not like we had sex on the dance floor."

 

5.) Around the 5 month mark, post D-Day, I was talking to my W about the A and asking some general questions about it. She got upset and said that she didn't want to talk about the A again or answer anymore questions about it. She said she had the right to not talk about it or answer anymore questions regarding it. She wasn't going to talk about him anymore. She then said that for us to "move forward" that I needed to forgive her right away. I told her I wasn't ready to forgive her 14 month affair in 5 months time. She said I needed to as 5 months was long enough.

 

Unless there is some divine intervention we're going to get divorced. The paperwork is already started and she's been living with her parents for the last month. I have days that I know I'll get thru this and days that I wonder how the hell I'm going to get thru it. It hurts like crazy to kiss and hug the kids goodbye when they go to stay with her.

 

I've always said, "I could dance with the devil everyday of the week, if it meant seeing my kids every night." I was wrong. I've never experienced pain like this, and try as I might, I know I can't live like this either. I feel like I failed.

 

I don't know your story, although based on your post I think I get the jist.

 

In bold, this statement concerns me...

 

It sounds like she wants to move on, and you want to hang on to the A she had...maybe the Divine Intervention has already occured, you just needed to let go?

[turnstone]

Five months isn't long enough to move on, in my experience. Especially when it seems that the WS - your wife in this case - isn't able to behave in an understanding manner that helps the BS - you - to come to terms with the affair, forgive and 'move on' with the marriage.

 

As you haven't been given the necessary circumstances in order to stay married in a healthy environment, you are doing the best thing, for everyone, by divorcing and that is by no means, a failure.

[whichwayisup]

Your wife never seemed sorry or remorseful about her A. It's like she didn't miss a beat and still acted selfish. She never showed you love, care, respect and didn't change her ways to prove to you that she is worthy of a chance to fix the marriage. She didn't quit her job, she travelled, even threw in fact OM was there in the group too. The total lack of respect she has, making you feel bad, making stupid remarks about "well I didn't have sex with OM on the dance floor.." WTF?

 

I know you love your kids and it's hard to be away from them, but staying married to a woman who has no respect or common sense isn't good for your children.

 

Do counselling on your own. Be the bigger person here and be the stable parent. Kids know who they can come to and trust and if she is away on trips, spending time with OM, the kids will turn to you.

 

Maybe even do family counselling, if it'll help the adjustment better.

 

Honestly, the woman you fell in love with isn't infront of you now. The woman you've described sounds just plain cruel and selfish.

 

Sorry you're hurting.

[Darth Vader]

Get a very good layer and go for the house and children and protect your assets!

 

I heard once on a Christian program that a betrayed spouse should have at least the same amount of time to get over the affair as the WS who had the affair(duration), however, your wife doesn't even want to give you that much time. Sad thing is, that still wouldn't be enough time to get over an affair, because this is a life altering experience, I mean she threatened your life with AIDS!

 

The more I think about it, the more I say she's not sorry for the affair, she's sorry she got caught!

Edited November 22, 2010 by Darth Vader

[woinlove]

I'm sorry for your pain. Don't feel like you failed. Your wife destroyed the marriage you had and seems to not want to spend too much time building a new one. Trust is an essential ingredient in marriage. Your wife broke that trust and it would be foolish of you to trust her again in such a short period of time after she continued to deceive you for over a year. Your wife is still being selfish or lacks empathy because if the roles were reversed, she would still need you to be working to restore her trust and she doesn't seem to realize that.

 

Divorce with two young children is very painful, but living in a marriage with no trust is not a solution. Get a good lawyer and focus on taking care of yourself and your children.

[In Like Flynn]

Now that its headed for a divorce make sure that they are exposed at the workplace.

[Spark1111]

THe average time to reconcile a marriage which has experienced infidelity is 2 - 5 years.....with BOTH partners putting in 150%.

 

It also requires the re-establishment of trust, transparency, respect, and remorse on the part of the WS, and the ability to talk, talk, talk about it.

 

If my fWS was EVER less than sensitive to my pain, my triggers, pain and triggers caused by HIM during his affair, I could not longer be in this relationship. That would be the ultimate slap in the face to me.

 

Your wife sounds arrogant, uncaring, unremorseful, and disrespectful to you and the pain she caused you.

 

I would file too.

 

Did she experience any consequences when you discovered the affair? Was she exposed, asked to leave, anything?

[Untouchable_Fire]

I've always said, "I could dance with the devil everyday of the week, if it meant seeing my kids every night." I was wrong. I've never experienced pain like this, and try as I might, I know I can't live like this either. I feel like I failed.

 

Failed at what?

 

Your not alone. It's crazy how many guys go through this. Just consider it a right of passage for manhood.

[Windsurf66]

I read this forum about everyday but haven't posted in a while. There was a lot of responses and help to the questions I had on my previous thread so I thought I'd give everyone an update. My W and I are getting a divorce.

 

I just couldn't do it any longer. Some things that have happened since I last posted:

 

1.) She won't quit her job or stop her traveling. I've asked numerous times but she said she worked too hard at it to quit. She actually went to Canada in late Oct. for 3 days and went to a 4 day show in KY that the OM was going to be at. In Canada, she went out to a late night dinner with another male co-worker. I asked her not to but she did anyway. I told her it was going to hurt me with the affair so fresh in my mind. Her reply, "I didn't do anything wrong". The KY trip was even harder as that was the place the A started. Same place, same hotel, same people. It was a tough 4 days.

 

2.) Right or wrong, I've talked about the HIV scare a few times. I kept saying how unbelievably wrong / bad that is, to have unprotected sex with someone you barely know. She tells me to quit bringing it up, that nobody got hurt so we don't need to talk about. I told her it's like she played Russian Roulette with my life. She thinks it's easy to forget because a bullet didn't hit me. She doesn't understand that she pulled the trigger many times and I just got lucky.

 

3.) We were having an argument one night because I felt like I was the only one really trying at making our M work. She said she was too but I just didn't see it. I asked what she was doing and she said she comes home every night. I asked if she thought that was good enough, to just come home. She said she did because she could leave if she wanted to. I asked why that logic didn't work so she didn't have the affair. I was home every night too, so why wasn't that good enough?

 

4.) My W was in a wedding party where the reception was at a hotel / resort that they had sex at. I knew going there would be hard for me and voiced that to my W. Sometime during the night my W came up to me and asked if everything was alright. I said I was having a hard time being there. She said, "it's not like we had sex on the dance floor."

 

5.) Around the 5 month mark, post D-Day, I was talking to my W about the A and asking some general questions about it. She got upset and said that she didn't want to talk about the A again or answer anymore questions about it. She said she had the right to not talk about it or answer anymore questions regarding it. She wasn't going to talk about him anymore. She then said that for us to "move forward" that I needed to forgive her right away. I told her I wasn't ready to forgive her 14 month affair in 5 months time. She said I needed to as 5 months was long enough.

 

Unless there is some divine intervention we're going to get divorced. The paperwork is already started and she's been living with her parents for the last month. I have days that I know I'll get thru this and days that I wonder how the hell I'm going to get thru it. It hurts like crazy to kiss and hug the kids goodbye when they go to stay with her.

 

I've always said, "I could dance with the devil everyday of the week, if it meant seeing my kids every night." I was wrong. I've never experienced pain like this, and try as I might, I know I can't live like this either. I feel like I failed.

 

I read your previous posts that your wife had said that she would change her job and quit traveling to save the marriage. Seems that she was actually insincere about being remorseful and was just putting up a show after she was busted by the OM's wife. Oh well, based on her behaviour, a cheap whore will always be a cheap whore actions, words, character and body, are all cheap and worth nothing

 

Most importantly, she disregarded your feelings and went ahead with the overseas trips and late outings with other guys. Really cheap behaviour.

 

I asked what she was doing and she said she comes home every night.

Wow, such a big sacrifice from a cheap whore and a cheater? Such a big sacrifice for her to stop f***ing around and to come home every night?

 

She said, "it's not like we had sex on the dance floor."

Shows just how unremorseful she is, and she was just putting up a show, but a show, is just a show and it ended now

 

Actually, that whore was already insincere from the beginning, there were already some obvious signs if you re-read the replies in your previous thread (e.g. she sought a lawyer's advice real fast when she got busted, she used sex to manipulate you, she got irritated when you questioned her). But its understandable that u want to give your marriage another try and also for the sake of the kids. But you should know, staying with the devil, in exchange for anything, is never worth it

[kaysun]

In hindsight I realize she didn't have any hard consequences to deal with. She wasn't exposed at work and still hasn't been. The only people that know are our counselors, her family, and my parents.

 

She had said she would quit her job but she never did anything about it. She finally just said she wasn't going to quit or stop traveling.

 

I re-read the first thread I started and I see things a lot clearer now regarding what she said and what she actually did. I feel very foolish to believe a lot of what she was saying. I guess I wanted to believe her truths over my truths. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm trusting me again.

 

Since those posts, I discovered other things that happened. She said she never wanted to leave me or lose me. In reality, they talked many times of being together. The only thing that kept them apart was one would have to quit their job to move closer to the other. It seemed fine to tear two families apart but the idea of one having to quit their job was to much for either of them.

 

There was also one show in particular that I always wondered about. These shows would be anywhere from 3-5 days in length and they always spent the night together except for one show. This particular show my W said they had sex two nights in a row but he didn't stay the night. I asked why that was, when every other show he did. My W said it just didn't work out that way. I asked how can you have sex, late at night, but not be able to spend the night. I never did put 2 + 2 together until the OM's W told me that was because she was there too.

 

The OM's W said she went to every spring show they had and they used it as a small vacation. She said she went to bed early the first night and waited for him to come to bed. The OM went to my W's room, had sex, and then went to bed with his W just doors down. I found that out, confronted my W with the information, and she said that was what happened. My W said she felt horrible after doing it the first night. I said it must of been some kind of horrible if you could do it again the second night. I feel very bad for the OM's W. She said she wanted to have sex with her husband both nights but he turned her down both times. She now knows why. The only thing she doesn't know is it was two nights, she thinks it's only one.

[Snowflower]

At least you know you did all you could to save your marriage. You were willing to give your WW another chance and she blew it.

 

It will be okay. I think you will look back at this painful episode eventually and realize it was a blessing. She is not remorseful or even sorry for what she did. It's her loss and it will come back to bite her. Be glad you won't be around when that happens. Good luck!

[Sal Paradise]

Your wife is a horrible excuse for a human being.

[jwi71]

Your wife never seemed sorry or remorseful about her A. It's like she didn't miss a beat and still acted selfish. She never showed you love, care, respect and didn't change her ways to prove to you that she is worthy of a chance to fix the marriage. She didn't quit her job, she travelled, even threw in fact OM was there in the group too. The total lack of respect she has, making you feel bad, making stupid remarks about "well I didn't have sex with OM on the dance floor.." WTF?

 

Oh wow. Your post brings back memories.

My now xWW had an A, was as remorseful as Stalin, and told me many of the VERY same things. Sheesh, its like deja-vu

 

Fact is, the onus is on HER to prove worthy of return and those milestones are set by YOU. ITs not like you are asking for anything herculean here - just the truth and to respect and value YOUR needs. She choose not to.

 

I know you love your kids and it's hard to be away from them, but staying married to a woman who has no respect or common sense isn't good for your children

 

100% agree.

Its also pretty crappy for YOU.

 

Do counselling on your own. Be the bigger person here and be the stable parent. Kids know who they can come to and trust and if she is away on trips, spending time with OM, the kids will turn to you.

 

I am much farther down the road than you are and I PROMISE this is SO true. Kids are NOT stupid. Kids understand the difference between right and wrong and the will "know" the who's, what's why's and where's in time. Because you should tell them. Not now. Later, when they are older. And yes, they WILL ask. Mine asked me at 6 years old. I gave an age appropriate truthful answer.

 

Maybe even do family counselling, if it'll help the adjustment better.

 

Oh yes...right o the WWIU.

I put them in play therapy for almost 9 months and it was SO helpful. I credit her (the play therapist) for helping them learn their new lives.

 

And guess what...they adjusted FINE. My 7 year old gets straight A's and is in the gifted/talented program. The younger will be in kindergarten next year and is doing absolutely fine too.

 

Furthermore...you will adjust too. Get yourself to IC and stay until "fired". It helped me more than I'll ever truly know.

 

Honestly, the woman you fell in love with isn't infront of you now. The woman you've described sounds just plain cruel and selfish.

 

Sorry you're hurting.

 

Me too - BUT.....

You WIN. I know you don't see it now...but in two years...you'll understand what I mean.

 

I went from this panic-y blubbering, worrisome, quasi-paranoid mess to...me - happy, confident, great new career and a GF I trust. I cannot tell you what life is like when you know the woman you love is open, honest and caring. I mean, she actually thinks of ME, I don't even have to speak of my concerns because she addresses them upfront and w/o prompting.

 

(she is spending the holidays with my family...woohoo!!)

 

You WILL get there. And then you'll know you WON.

[Dexter Morgan]

I've always said, "I could dance with the devil everyday of the week, if it meant seeing my kids every night." I was wrong. I've never experienced pain like this, and try as I might, I know I can't live like this either. I feel like I failed.

 

No, no ...NO, NO!!!

 

you did NOT fail. she did. you were the only one thinking about your kids...she could have cared less and spreading her legs for other guys shows that.

 

you did your best. I understand it sucks, she cheats, and she will get custody if she wants it. You will get screwed, but you WILL see your kids.

 

Take it from me, you will adjust and just know there is no justice in this country when it comes to father's....you basically have to have videotape of a mother murdering someone or smoking crack before you can get custody away from an unscrupulous huss.

 

but you will adjust and your life is just beginning.....TRUST ME ON THAT!!

[Dexter Morgan]

Get a very good layer and go for the house and children and protect your assets!

 

assets: doesn't matter, she is entitled to 1/2 the marital assets.

 

house: he can go for it, but he'll owe her half the equity in it.

 

children: she will get custody if she wants it provided that he doesn't have any tangible evidence that she is unfit. I see adultery as being unfit, but unfortunately, the courts do not. He has to have something on her, documented, and with witnesses that she might abuse them, use drugs, or is deemed mentally unfit.

 

again, it sucks, the men get screwed big time.

 

 

I say, let her have the house...sign a quit claim deed, then she will owe him 1/2 the equity, and if she can't pay it or doesn't want to, then it can be negotiated that she doesn't take half of his retirement, or something.

 

 

HOWEVER, sounds like she has a damn good job....he may be able to get more from her.

 

kaysun, if that is the case and she makes more than you, and has more of a retirement, go for it!!!!

 

Also, if she is such a traveler and career woman, he may be able to make a case that she isn't always around and that may be one way to get custody, and make her ass pay CS.

[hoping2heal]

Kaysun,

 

At this point your wife seems to be self absorbed and completely unfeeling to your own pain. As I read the first post in here, I was shocked at her attitude. I assure you, you deserve to be loved and have your feelings count and treated as they matter. I do not know how long she has had this attitude of not validating you or your feelings, but good grief charlie brown!

 

By the way,

Why do you feel like you have failed? What do you feel culpable for in all of this?

[kaysun]

Your wife is a horrible excuse for a human being.

 

A little after I found out I asked my wife if she thought we could recover from this. She said she didn't know. She said she did the worst thing possible to a marriage and she didn't know if she could forgive herself for doing it.

 

Fast forward a few months later and my wife is asking me to forgive her. I said I couldn't forgive her yet. I said something about her forgiving herself. She told me she already forgave herself. I said really? She said that she did a long time ago. She said she's a good person and doesn't see a reason to change that. She just made some bad choices. It shouldn't define her.

 

I honestly left it at that and walked away for the night.

[kaysun]

assets: doesn't matter, she is entitled to 1/2 the marital assets.

 

house: he can go for it, but he'll owe her half the equity in it.

 

children: she will get custody if she wants it provided that he doesn't have any tangible evidence that she is unfit. I see adultery as being unfit, but unfortunately, the courts do not. He has to have something on her, documented, and with witnesses that she might abuse them, use drugs, or is deemed mentally unfit.

 

again, it sucks, the men get screwed big time.

 

 

I say, let her have the house...sign a quit claim deed, then she will owe him 1/2 the equity, and if she can't pay it or doesn't want to, then it can be negotiated that she doesn't take half of his retirement, or something.

 

 

HOWEVER, sounds like she has a damn good job....he may be able to get more from her.

 

kaysun, if that is the case and she makes more than you, and has more of a retirement, go for it!!!!

 

Also, if she is such a traveler and career woman, he may be able to make a case that she isn't always around and that may be one way to get custody, and make her ass pay CS.

 

I've talked to two lawyers about my situation. They both have said they would go for primary custody because of the traveling my wife does. One lawyer was the back-up Family Court Commissioner for her county. I showed her my wife's travel schedule for the last two years. She looked it over and said if this case was in front of her, it would be an easy decision to determine placement of the kids. My state also does 50/50 custody unless one can prove the other parent unfit or circumstances don't allow it. The worst I should get is joint custody with no child payments. I'm also fighting for the house. I won't accept anything less and will be fighting for more.

 

It's really quite unbelieavable in that she did this and we'll probably end up with the same things. When my wife traveled and was the OM, she would talk to the kids, have sex with him, call and talk to me for about 5 minutes after they were done, and then go back to be with him. I don't understand how any parent could do that. In the eyes of the court, it doesn't matter. I would think the AIDS would also have an effect but that doesn't either.

[kaysun]

Kaysun,

 

At this point your wife seems to be self absorbed and completely unfeeling to your own pain. As I read the first post in here, I was shocked at her attitude. I assure you, you deserve to be loved and have your feelings count and treated as they matter. I do not know how long she has had this attitude of not validating you or your feelings, but good grief charlie brown!

 

By the way,

Why do you feel like you have failed? What do you feel culpable for in all of this?[/QUOTE]

 

I'm still working thru this. I know it was a choice (s) she made. My wife said she was lonely. I sometimes wonder if I missed something or could of done something differently. I chalked it up to being a family with young kids. My son was 3 and my daughter 2 when this started. I would of done anything to fix what was ailing us. I just didn't know what it was and no matter how much I tried talking to her, I never got thru.

 

The sad thing is we all pay tremendously for what she did. My young kids too. I hate that. I HATE THAT VERY MUCH.

[hoping2heal]

Kaysun,

 

At this point your wife seems to be self absorbed and completely unfeeling to your own pain. As I read the first post in here, I was shocked at her attitude. I assure you, you deserve to be loved and have your feelings count and treated as they matter. I do not know how long she has had this attitude of not validating you or your feelings, but good grief charlie brown!

 

By the way,

Why do you feel like you have failed? What do you feel culpable for in all of this?[/QUOTE]

 

I'm still working thru this. I know it was a choice (s) she made. My wife said she was lonely. I sometimes wonder if I missed something or could of done something differently. I chalked it up to being a family with young kids. My son was 3 and my daughter 2 when this started. I would of done anything to fix what was ailing us. I just didn't know what it was and no matter how much I tried talking to her, I never got thru.

 

The sad thing is we all pay tremendously for what she did. My young kids too. I hate that. I HATE THAT VERY MUCH.

 

It is awful about the young children, and quite frankly I'm surprised your wife for their sake did not find it within herself to muster up one ounce of sincerity and try and work on your relationship but so be it. Your wife is completely self absorbed and it is a shame that as a result you will all pay for this. If you tried to fix things but she refused to be open, you cannot blame yourself for that. I do not know what your wife thinks she gave herself for. I suppose I could be missing something, but from everything you explained happened prior to the affair, I did not see one iota of remorse about anything she did. I am sure she tells herself "I was lonely..so it was okay, I needed to cope." She does not seem to be sorry about a damn thing, and the fact that she has kids who will be affected as a result? Ooh that speaks volumes. That is the worst kind of selfish and revolting behavior.

[Darth Vader]

assets: doesn't matter, she is entitled to 1/2 the marital assets.

 

house: he can go for it, but he'll owe her half the equity in it.

 

children: she will get custody if she wants it provided that he doesn't have any tangible evidence that she is unfit. I see adultery as being unfit, but unfortunately, the courts do not. He has to have something on her, documented, and with witnesses that she might abuse them, use drugs, or is deemed mentally unfit.

 

again, it sucks, the men get screwed big time.

 

 

I say, let her have the house...sign a quit claim deed, then she will owe him 1/2 the equity, and if she can't pay it or doesn't want to, then it can be negotiated that she doesn't take half of his retirement, or something.

 

 

HOWEVER, sounds like she has a damn good job....he may be able to get more from her.

 

kaysun, if that is the case and she makes more than you, and has more of a retirement, go for it!!!!

 

Also, if she is such a traveler and career woman, he may be able to make a case that she isn't always around and that may be one way to get custody, and make her ass pay CS.

 

 

Dex, I say that assuming that he's not in the state Illinois! Or rather the state of corruption! Take your pick! I think he said he's in KY.

 

But I agree with you for raking her ass over the coals for money, if possible! He's endured Hell, shouldn't get something for it?

[rowell2024]

Sounds like a totally unremorseful cheater to me. If you stay with her, the question isn't IF she will cheat again, it's WHEN she will cheat again.

[Binster]

Sorry your in this situation mate I did post on your origional thread and always wonderd what had happened.

I didnt think your wife showed any real remorse at the time and still isnt

given the way things are she's probably got some other fella on the go when she travels away.

I really think your only option is to get the best and meanest lawyer you can and go straight for the throat before she does.

You could always out her to her company about her useing business trips for these purposes as firms dont really like this kind of behavior (it unsettles other workers and their spouses) but if you do this and they stop her traveling it could affect your chances in the custody case.