Sheekie Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 This guy and I have been dating for 1 month now. On our first date, we were discussing our plans for the holidays, etc and he mentioned that he was going to be flying to California for New Year's and hanging out with his friend there for a couple of days. However, this friend is a girl. At first, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He has lots of female friends. He hasn't done anything that makes me not trust him. He seems really into me and treats me wonderfully. But now my mind is starting to grow some doubts. I don't have any evidence to support my doubts. I guess I'm just scared because I've been cheated on before in the past. I don't want to say anything to him because he bought these tickets months before he met me and we've only been dating for 1 month. Blahhhhhh I don't know what to do
tb24 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Firstly, are you guys dating or exclusive? If you're "just dating" and neither of you have actually defined any boundaries in your relationship then really there's nothing you can or even should do. If you guys are "offical", then it's certainly something you can talk about but be wary. If you talk to him, he will know you lack trust in him and 1 month into a relationship that's probably not a discussion you want to have. Then again, it might not be as innocent as he claims it is.
GooseChaser Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 While I think it would be a good thing to talk to him about it and bring up your concerns, in the end you can't control him. If he goes, you will just have to trust him. It's really good that he has been trustworthy so far! You could think of it as a test for you two. His test is to be faithful to you, and your test is to have faith in him. If he shatters your trust, it is all on him, and you have every reason to dump him. It's not the end of the world. In fact, he would be doing you a favor by setting you free to find someone better who really cares about you. However, hopefully he will be classy and everything will be fine. Clearly, he hasn't cancelled the tickets yet, despite having a girlfriend, so we can see that he really wants to see this female friend. There's still one option, though-- he can stay in a motel or hotel instead. You could bring it up and see if he would be willing to do that. I mean really, why does he HAVE to stay at her place? I'm sure that he would save money by doing so, but he has to have respect for your feelings as well. If he insists that he wants to stay over at her place, though, maybe it's best that you let him, and things will go as they will. If it's meant to be, it will be. I hope things work out okay.
sally4sara Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I'd look at it like this: You're too new to tell him what to do, but you have every reason to voice your feelings and concerns. If he goes anyway; you're never going to know for sure if he did something sexual or not. So assume he will sleep with her and decide if you're still interested anyway. I say thing because if you can't know for certain if he slept with her, you're never going to fully believe he didn't and you'll drive yourself crazy, start snooping his phone and email finding "proof" (either real proof or nothing that proves he didn't do anything but still not know for sure), and question him about it over and over. And my motto has always been go away before going crazy. So either assume he will sleep with her and find acceptance for that or assume he will sleep with her and move on because you're never going to know for sure one way or the other.
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