butterfly24 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 hi, I felt I would give this a try since nothing I do works. This happened two months ago....... I was dating my ex for almost 2 years. We were 1 or 2 months away from our anniversity when he told me he was unsure of his feelings and wanted to be alone. He also said we spent to much time together, which when looking back we did. A little back story, I made the big mistake of letting him move himself into my apartment. I had asked him to move back out a few times because I thought the money problems and fights would start, but one of us would break down. He is in school still and couldn't afford to live with me, and I loved not being alone at night. It worked for awhile, until the bills and the stress was too much for me. Anyway he moved out and said he needed space to think. I told him I won't call or text him, so he could figure it out. It was werid because he asked for space and his next sentence was could we have lunch. I told him no and when something else he wanted to do and should of did, he didnt because I said we couldnt have lunch. It was like he turned it on me and I was the one asking for space... Anyway...I drove myself crazy wondering should I cry or is everything go to work out. I knew it wasn't because he had already made up his mind and was so turned off when I talked to him before he moved out. And so after a few days we talked and said he just wanted to be by himself. He doesn't think he loves me as much as I love him. He said it wasn't anything to do with me, this is just something he has to do. He feels like he has been dating for five years and hasn't had that single's time. He jumed from one relationship right into another. I am so confused because we had beeing talking about marriage and our wedding. He wasn't ready, but he talked about it alot. In the last month before the break up, he moved even more stuff into the apartment, we were talking about the future, we had picked out who would stand in the wedding and the wedding song. He even bought my anniversity gift, which I agreed to because I knew he thought I wanted a ring and I did but I also wanted him to be ready and I was waiting. It doesn't make sense, I am hurting so much. I have told him I am moving on, but I am not. I cry all the time and nothing I do works. I am not trying to get him back, but I want him back so much. I thought we would be together forever. My mind runs all the time. I am so sleepy but all I do is dream about how to fix it , him coming back ect. I tryed going out with friends and keeping myself busy. I have written it all down, left it and then read it again hoping for answers and closure. I had that leave it all on the table talk with him and all he says is he is not where I am and he doesnt love me as much as I love him. He doesnt know if he ever loved me. He said he might have to date someone else to know I am the one. I might out flipped out, I told him it would be too late then. He keeps living by that if it is suppose to happen it will, but I am not going to let him go out there and date it up for a lack of words.... and be here waiting for him. His words hurt so much, but I still love him. The worse part is I work with him and I can't find another job, no one calls. I believe in the whole God puts us where we should be, but this hurts so much. He stares at me when he thinks I am not looking. Looking with puppy flipping eyes at me. People keep telling me it will get better. I feel like it gets worse everyday, I have to see him and hear his voice and I cant touch him, kiss him and hold him. It is all to hard, I feel like I can't move on because I have to see him all the time. I want to run away, but then I think we will never get back together and this upsets me. I dont talk to him unless I have to, but this all sucks so much. I thought he might be having cold feet or something so I didnt and dont want to give up on him.... I dont understand anything he did or doesnt..... any advice would be great.
Author butterfly24 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 advice please !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mmiller5373 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I'm sorry to say it but you have to let him go. Rid him from your life. He has told you that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you? You deserve better. Look at it this way, don't blame yourself. There's someone out there willing to love you as much as you love them. This guy just doesn't have his act together and you can't make someone love you. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me a little more than a year ago because she said it wasn't working how she wanted it to. That she was bored with me. I made the mistake of allowing her back into my life. I thought we could fix things but things were never the same. I should have let her go then but I wasted another year with her. Now things have ended badly.
Fufu Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 (edited) I was dating my ex for almost 2 years. We were 1 or 2 months away from our anniversity when he told me he was unsure of his feelings and wanted to be alone. He also said we spent to much time together, which when looking back we did. When a dumper said things like "we spend so much time together", it's a warning sign that they want OUT of the relationship. They want a BREAK or a BREAK UP. Basically, break and break up are the same thing. A little back story, I made the big mistake of letting him move himself into my apartment. I had asked him to move back out a few times because I thought the money problems and fights would start, but one of us would break down. He is in school still and couldn't afford to live with me, and I loved not being alone at night. It worked for awhile, until the bills and the stress was too much for me. I don't see why it is a mistake to let him move into your apartment. If he agrees to this idea and never show any sign of rejection, it's never your mistake in the beginning. If he doesn't express his feelings and view firmly to you, you wouldn't have know anything. Anyway he moved out and said he needed space to think. I told him I won't call or text him, so he could figure it out. It was werid because he asked for space and his next sentence was could we have lunch. I told him no and when something else he wanted to do and should of did, he didnt because I said we couldnt have lunch. It was like he turned it on me and I was the one asking for space... Sounds like he was confused and lost of what he was thinking and feeling. it was good that you told him you would give him space to figure things out. Anyway...I drove myself crazy wondering should I cry or is everything go to work out. I knew it wasn't because he had already made up his mind and was so turned off when I talked to him before he moved out. When someone said they need space/break/break up, always seek NC immediately. I didn't, and my ex-bf ended up saying, "You don't understand me at all, you never give me a break when I told you to" And so after a few days we talked and said he just wanted to be by himself. He doesn't think he loves me as much as I love him. He said it wasn't anything to do with me, this is just something he has to do. He feels like he has been dating for five years and hasn't had that single's time. He jumed from one relationship right into another. The common break up pitch, "It's not you, it's me" or "I love you but I'm no longer in love with you." The ugly truth is, no matter what reasons they gave for breaking up, they want OUT in the relationship. I am so confused because we had beeing talking about marriage and our wedding. He wasn't ready, but he talked about it alot. In the last month before the break up, he moved even more stuff into the apartment, we were talking about the future, we had picked out who would stand in the wedding and the wedding song. He even bought my anniversity gift, which I agreed to because I knew he thought I wanted a ring and I did but I also wanted him to be ready and I was waiting. My ex bf and I brought out engagement rings, talked about doing it end of next year or third year and suddenly BOOM he broke up with me." Maybe, he started to feel phobia to get committed. It doesn't make sense, I am hurting so much. I have told him I am moving on, but I am not. I cry all the time and nothing I do works. I am not trying to get him back, but I want him back so much. I thought we would be together forever. My mind runs all the time. I am so sleepy but all I do is dream about how to fix it , him coming back ect. I've been there too, I cried bucket of years, miss him very much, I still miss him very much now. However, we have to wake up. Have to wake up and face the reality. If he wants to come back, he will make the action and chase. By hoping that they will change their mind, it's a mental torture to us. I tryed going out with friends and keeping myself busy. I have written it all down, left it and then read it again hoping for answers and closure. I had that leave it all on the table talk with him and all he says is he is not where I am and he doesnt love me as much as I love him. He doesnt know if he ever loved me. He said he might have to date someone else to know I am the one. I might out flipped out, I told him it would be too late then. He keeps living by that if it is suppose to happen it will, but I am not going to let him go out there and date it up for a lack of words.... and be here waiting for him. Don't let him string you along. You are not a doormat and not his spare tyre. If he cannot be commited to you now, what makes you believe he will stay commited to you after marriage? If he wants you back 1 day, now you make the decision whether you want him back or not. You have to be in control of yourself. My ex-bf said this to me, "I love you but i don't see you are the one anymore" It hurts because he told me i'm going to be his first and final. But look at what they all done to us. Do we still want a liar? His words hurt so much, but I still love him. It's natural to still feel love in our partner. We are human beings, not robots The worse part is I work with him and I can't find another job, no one calls. I believe in the whole God puts us where we should be, but this hurts so much. He stares at me when he thinks I am not looking. Looking with puppy flipping eyes at me. People keep telling me it will get better. I feel like it gets worse everyday, I have to see him and hear his voice and I cant touch him, kiss him and hold him. It is all to hard, I feel like I can't move on because I have to see him all the time. I want to run away, but then I think we will never get back together and this upsets me. I dont talk to him unless I have to, but this all sucks so much. I thought he might be having cold feet or something so I didnt and dont want to give up on him.... I dont understand anything he did or doesnt..... any advice would be great. I can understand the seeing each other everyday is really s*cky. It will definitely get better, believe in yourself. Feel like a dumper and be like a dumper so you will not be second guessing about what he feels or what he does. Edited November 26, 2010 by Fufu
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