Sarabina Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 So I have been chatting with this guy online for over a month, and when I send him a message he looks at it but he doesn't reply to it right away he replies a few days later. And I know he has seen it, the message is in email style it's not Instant Messaging! Is this a normal thing for a guy to do? Or should I be worried?
JungleLover Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Yes this is how all men think. We all like to read messages and not respond to them for days. If you ever get a response to a message within 24 hours from a man, I would question his manhood and gender.
EarthDweller Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 It IS but I wish it wasn't and I'm a dude. I get txt's sometimes, and my urge is to reply cause you reply best and most natural when it's fluid and done immediately after reading. If you wait, your reply becomes more scripted... but doing it immediately is more like 'talking'. So.. the reason is, you guys aren't at that comfortable 'talk freely and burp/fart' stage. It means, he's clearly still in a single phase and you got months/years ahead of you. Either enjoy it, or move along! But, he may also be nervous and walking on eggshells, so be sure to find out.
fishtaco Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 He's trying to show he's not desperate and he has a social life and not hanging on every word you say. Why does he do this? Because if he didn't, some women would drop him immediately. This is a learned response. He's doing it for you. Or maybe he's just not desperate and he has a social life and not hanging on every word you say.
refurb Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 He's trying to show he's not desperate and he has a social life and not hanging on every word you say. Why does he do this? Because if he didn't, some women would drop him immediately. This is a learned response. He's doing it for you. Or maybe he's just not desperate and he has a social life and not hanging on every word you say. Wow! That about sums it up, seriously. RF
FryFish Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 If Im pretty interested in a girl I respond almost right away... If Im not I dont.
paleblue Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 If I get a message from a girl, I may be busy, or I may respond a few hours later, but not days later, especially if I am interested in her. The girls that I just feel whatever about I will respond to them days later when I am bored just to chit chat. Everyone is different. Thats just my take.
Pyro Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 If I get a message from a girl, I may be busy, or I may respond a few hours later, but not days later, especially if I am interested in her. Right on! No matter how busy I may be with work, school, hobbies, friends, etc. I will find time to at the very least respond back to a girl who messaged me. Anyone who is truly interested in someone wouldn't wait days in between messages.
musemaj11 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 OFTEN I read an email but dont have the time to respond right away and then just forget about. But usually it wont be more than a day coz I check my email frequently. Nevertheless, if its more than two or three days than responding to you is not that important for him.
Surrealist Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 No not at all, I just have so many messages from all the girls I have to wade through on a daily basis I can hardly keep up!
tb24 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Having read a lot of "advice" online, one thing that often crops up is not to contact a girl right away in order not to appear desperate. It's a difficult balance but I'd say give him a chance, he might be holding out because he thinks it's what he should do. On the other hand, a month is quite a long time so I'd expect him to get a feel of the situation. Though if you've only been having one message every couple of days that's not a lot of contact really! Have you considered asking him if he'd like to talk over IM instead? I'd say phone but that might be a step too far in this case.
phineas Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 No not at all, I just have so many messages from all the girls I have to wade through on a daily basis I can hardly keep up! Exactly & you're not some uneducated lout recycling the same canned response to each of them. It takes time to carefully tailor that special e-mail.
SignalFlare Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 If he doesn't reply within one day he's just not that into you.
Author Sarabina Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 He's trying to show he's not desperate and he has a social life and not hanging on every word you say. Why does he do this? Because if he didn't, some women would drop him immediately. This is a learned response. He's doing it for you. Or maybe he's just not desperate and he has a social life and not hanging on every word you say. That sounds like good advice, but yesterday he responded to a message by another person, but he still did not respond to my message. He does this a lot, he will talk to me a lot for a few days, and then all of a sudden he will stop responding to my messages; however he continues to talk with other people. I don't know what his problem is, but I think I should just forget about him.
Tasmaniya Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 no , all man not same . you shouldn't judge all man in a same scale ! its vary man to man , so i don't agree with this .....................
hearttobreak Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 If you reply too fast, it looks like you have no other options aside from her. If you reply too slow, then it looks like you have little to no interest in her. What I do is if they reply to me in the morning, I reply in the afternoon or night. If they reply in the night, I reply next morning or afternoon. Shows interest, but doesn't show you have nothing else in your life aside from her.
veggirl Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 How long do you take to reply? If you take 3 days as well, he is matching your pace. If you respond right away or w/in a day and he still doesn't (ever) then I'd be confused/annoyed and probably assume he wasn't too excited/interested in me. I mean the flow of conversation can't be the same when one party is taking days and days to respond.
Author Sarabina Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 How long do you take to reply? If you take 3 days as well, he is matching your pace. If you respond right away or w/in a day and he still doesn't (ever) then I'd be confused/annoyed and probably assume he wasn't too excited/interested in me. I mean the flow of conversation can't be the same when one party is taking days and days to respond. we live in crazy time-zones, so I reply the same day I recieve the message, so for him it's probably the next day. My problem isn't really that he takes a while to answer, my biggest problem is that he logs on many times before he replies and he talks to other people. When he does reply it's always very nice, and he always wants to continue the conversation. It doesn't sound like he is sick of me, so I don't know if this is his way of playing games with me!
Cee Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Is this a chat site that is dating focused or is it around an interest area? Can you move the conversation to a domain outside of that forum like IM or email?
Author Sarabina Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 Is this a chat site that is dating focused or is it around an interest area? Can you move the conversation to a domain outside of that forum like IM or email? It's a forum centered around a common interest, but the thing is I don't want to date him. He lives so far away that I might never see him, I really like him and I love talking to him (he also said he loves talking to me and we used to spend hours talking to each other), but I know it's not realistic hoping for something more, since we both live so far away. I think he lost interest in me, because most guys don't want to be friends, unless they can get sex out of a relationship they don't bother with it anymore.
OldSkool Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I see a lot of very good input on this particular topic. Here is my scenario. When I am in the initial stages of courting a lady, and attempting to gain her interest and build attraction, I often need to spend some time thinking about how I want to respond to a written communication. The reasons for this are twofold. 1. I want to respond in an intelligent, thoughtful manner where the text of my response is the sole focus in my life at the moment, just as if she were in front of me and I was talking to her. Sometimes a quick off the cuff response can come across very differently than intended. Written communications, lacking the ability to verbally emphasize vis a vie inflection must be worded very carefully to avoid a misunderstanding, especially in a new relationship. Think about how carefully we write a love letter even in an established relationship. 2. This generally happens after the relationship is established, but still very new. I feel strongly about the lady, and I will read her text/email/letter several times. Not to over analyze it, but simply because reading her words make me happy. I would like to hope that if she is as into me as I am her, she also reads my communications several times for the same reasons. For this reason I want to take extra time and care to make sure that my words are special and significant. Then again, I am almost 40, so all you young'ns might want to take it with a grain of salt. Peace
810 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 ah. oldskool, you sure give me hope that sincere and decent guys are still exist in this day and age. Thank you.
Chicago_Guy Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 He's trying to show he's not desperate and he has a social life and not hanging on every word you say. Why does he do this? Because if he didn't, some women would drop him immediately. This is a learned response. He's doing it for you. Or maybe he's just not desperate and he has a social life and not hanging on every word you say. I agree. He might have gotten burned in the past when he replied too quickly, causing a woman to lose interest and now he's not going to make that mistake again. Or he really might not be that interested...
Dante311 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Sarabina, i read through a number of the replies and technically... as a 25 year old, single & dating, educated, working guy... I must say it depends. As it always does... on the guy... on the situation... on the conversation. I say, stop over-analyzing it and just enjoy. If it's about something nonchalant... wait for the reply. If he replies within 2 seconds... he may be REALLY bored, conveniently replying to e-mails when you send it (and he's into you), or just talking via e-mail... if he waits a few days... he may have overlooked it by accident, or is trying to choose his words carefully, ...wants to show you that you're not the only one in his life so he'll give it a day or two.. or many other things... stop reading into it. if he doesn't reply for a week, move on...
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