HeartOnSleeve Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I am getting increasingly frustrated with men in my social circle. When I join a group of friends or someone comes into the group it always seems as if someone develops a crush on me. As nice as this sounds, I am not typically attracted to people in my social circles becuase I don't like to mess with the mix...lol. In high school and college I had a ton of guy friends and we had a blast. It seems that over the past 6 years when I start hanging out with a new group etc. if I start talking to the guys and tyring to get to know the guys, I have to really watch myself. It's like I can't laugh to hard, act too interested...even giving them the normal respectable eye contact is too much. It never fails they ask, the girls in the group about me and if they have a shot, they ask me out, or they get weird when I talk about my dating life. Or when I tell that I am no longer dating a guy they immedialty try and ask for a date. The last guy I stopped dating I really really liked and was bummed about; the last thing I wanted to deal with was two of "friends" asking me out. What can I do to make these guys understand that I want to be FREINDS with my friends, and not their eye candy or challenge. It makes me uncomfortable and constantly on guard. like most people I don't like rejecting people especially when I see them pretty often. Sorry if I sound like I am not grateful for the flattery, but it's getting old. Advice please!
Mad Max Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 If you're not attracted to the person, then yes. But even that isn't a sure thing because attraction can develop. If you're attracted right off the bat, then no it won't work.
carhill Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 As long as you don't flirt with me, kiss me or tell me you love me, I'm quite alright with enjoy the company of ladies as friends. Oh, no dry humping either. This message is brought to you by the guy who's experienced a lifetime of such behavior from women who purportedly only wanted to be 'friends'. Happy to make your acquaintance. Now, for the 'why'. *Normal* men act on their sexual urges. If you happen to embody the impetus for that urge, here they come. You won't notice the men who control themselves and treat you with respect because, essentially, they're invisible to you, as is normal with polite and respectable behavior. It's designed that way, hence the adage 'a few bad apples spoil the bunch'. In this case, perhaps the moniker 'bad' is ill-deserved, since the men are obeying the biological commands to mate. It's natural for them. Controlling those urges is arguably 'abnormal'. There ya go.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 I'm not attracted to these guys at all and for me if they are in my social circle I really only view them as friends straight on the bat. I am trying to figure out how to make them view me in the same light as it's getting rather annoying having to reject them, avoid them, and ignore their advances. If I smile it's becuase they think I am smiling FOR them...which is not the actual case. Does that make sense.
carhill Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Of course it makes sense. It's practice for when you're married and men still approach you sexually.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 As long as you don't flirt with me, kiss me or tell me you love me, I'm quite alright with enjoy the company of ladies as friends. Oh, no dry humping either. This message is brought to you by the guy who's experienced a lifetime of such behavior from women who purportedly only wanted to be 'friends'. Happy to make your acquaintance. Now, for the 'why'. *Normal* men act on their sexual urges. If you happen to embody the impetus for that urge, here they come. You won't notice the men who control themselves and treat you with respect because, essentially, they're invisible to you, as is normal with polite and respectable behavior. It's designed that way, hence the adage 'a few bad apples spoil the bunch'. In this case, perhaps the moniker 'bad' is ill-deserved, since the men are obeying the biological commands to mate. It's natural for them. Controlling those urges is arguably 'abnormal'. There ya go. Hahaha....trust me I am doing NONE of the above to these guys! So then what am I supposed to do...rejecting them is exhausting and somewhat painful and not to mention it creates akward situations. I mean these are guys from 32-48 years old. I'm 27 and I appreciate the guy who controls himself...lol.
carhill Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Suggestion: Watch how older married women 'handle' men. My exW was expert and handling men, since she is in the hairstyling business and has many male clients, in addition to the random men out in the world. She could shut them down with a look. Pretty impressive. Lucky them
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 Of course it makes sense. It's practice for when you're married and men still approach you sexually. I dont need the practice....:bunny:
Cee Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 The truth is these men aren't friends. They are suitors waiting in the wings to strike when you are single. Many of my male friends are in their 40s and they love women in their 20s. They are like lovesick teen agers over them. They confide in me about their crushes and develop plots to win over these "hot chicks." I get annoyed by it because I feel old and unloved, but I can't blame them. Women in their twenties are beautiful. I wish I had a good answer for you, but I honestly don't know. I'm 40 and never get hit on by my male friends. They are too busy ogling you and your friends at the bar or art opening.
somedude81 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 The truth is these men aren't friends. They are suitors waiting in the wings to strike when you are single. That's exactly what it is. The average guy does not want to be friends with a woman. He wants to sleep with her. HeartOnSleeve, IMO the best way to avoid having the men fall for you, is to have minimal contact. I might also look into why you don't want to date any of your male "friends" simply because they are your friend. Obviously they don't see things the same way you do.
hearttobreak Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Hang out with men and women who are better looking than you and you will not have this problem.
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