What do i do

[sirweasles]

I moved 7 hundred miles away from my family to get a job and have only been able to go home once. after I left my wife stopped having time to talk to me she even went as far as to being out with her mother or her friends so that she was busy. we had plans for my family to come out to where i was for thanksgiving but i got sent to training over turkey day when i asked my wife about coming home afterwards she got upset and told me we couldnt afford it I have made alot of mistakes in my life and have been dependent on he and alittle pushy I made the mistake while half asleep and sent here a pretty rude text a couple weeks ago at 3am and sje hasnt talked to me much since then i just found out that I am not welcome in my home and that i have to get a motel room for christmas to be with my kids. My wife says she is not filing for devorce and there is nobody else but she doesnt want to be in the relationship anymore. she wants to be happy. what do I do I have never been in so much pain

[poopierabbit]

I've had some experience with this exact scenario. In my case, distance was three thousand miles away - coast to coast distance.

 

Immediately, the first you should do right now is to take care of yourself. Be gentle and kind. Do not start questioning the relationship, your contribution or where things went wrong.

 

Once you've taken care of youself, focus on your job. This is highly important as it will provide a sense of direction during these trying times. Focus and completely submerse yourself. Be the best that you can be with your job -- you moved 700 miles away for it, so it is important to you.

 

Start counseling now. It is never too early and always a very good thing to have a completely neutral party and trained professional listen to you, your concerns and suggest ways to remain strong.

 

Know that things are going to be sad for a while. I cannot tell you how long, as I am still going through a grieving process. I can tell you that acceptance of the reality of the situation is some time off. Let yourself come to terms that you are indeed in the very early stages of grief and healing. Don't run from it, but don't lay down and die either. Live with it for a while.

 

Some on here may tell you another man might be involved. Don't concern yourself with that right now. It really is irrelevant -- the point is your main concern is survival. You are dealing with the loss of a love, which is extremely hard on the heart and the soul.

Edited November 22, 2010 by poopierabbit

[sirweasles]

What do I have to do to get her to come around for her to acctually try to work on the relationship. my eleven year old step daughter is getting torn apart and all I can do is stay intouch which hurts her more becouse my wife wont talk to me. My wife is my best and only friend The only person I can talk to on a personal level and now I get to talk t a wall I need out of my oblivian. My life is a void filled with pain with my three little girls holding a distant light that i cant seem to reach.

[plowguy1]

Just wanted to say I've been there too, and I could agree more with poopierabbit. you are not alone, it's gonna be hard but you can do this

[poopierabbit]

It is a natural question to ask - "how do I get her back?" and sadly there are no good answers. However, if you continually ask that question, you take away focus on what you need to, which is focus on your well being and your job. The answer to your question will be revealed over time.

[sirweasles]

I cant consentrate on anything its like im standing to far out on a beach and everytime i start to gain balance im hit by another wave I am forceing food into me becouse Im not hungry and dont want to eat I pray almost every 20 mins asking for the pain to stop. I am a very emotional person and though I can hide it well I cant stop it. about a year and a half ago my best friend passed away and I have not made any friends since so My wife is my best friend and the only person I could sit down and talk too now I have a wall and it has not offered any help yet. I absolutly hate life. It has gotten so bad that i want to curl up and die every time I talk to my kids.

[sirweasles]

I have resolved to give her what she wants I will not be in contact with her and unfortanatly my kids for a few days I will still however call and wish my kids a happy thanksgiving on thanks giving I hope my oldest daughter doesnt get hurt by this but it has made it to easy for her to talk to me through her and I have to find out if she even cares about me anymore I dont know what she is doing or has done but she gives me the very distinct impresion that she is heartless and I feel that the person I thought I knew does not exsist. how can I hurt so bad and she just have a carefree attitude. and not show any remorse.

[poopierabbit]

Yes, the heartless feeling you are getting from her is exactly that. Emotional distance and the unwinding of the heart from the entanglements of love. She is preparing to separate herself. While each case is unique, experience has taught me there are some pretty typical traits in how all of this goes down.

 

Take care of yourself - eat, be kind to yourself and pray for peace. Those are the immediate things you can do for yourself right now.

[Steadfast]

Motel or no motel, you have a legal right to see your kids. In fact, with current (normal) visitation rules, up to half the time. Sadly, many non-custodial parents do not take this time because they don't want it. They only want the kids when it's convenient. Your wife's anger or resentment notwithstanding, you have rights. Do not allow her to call all the shots.

 

As for your relationship with her, a step moving toward not being a pushover will often awaken the 'bossy, unhappy' spouse to the reality of the situation. At any rate, it is best for everyone involved to not take anything lying down.

 

Keep posting-

[sirweasles]

My wife will not deny me my kids but do to my job I can not see them and I dont want them to have to see me in a motel when they know the house is right there christmas is going to break me if I make it that far.

[sirweasles]

For those that know what PTSD is and how it adversly effects the mental I have been dealing with it with out help for over 2 years and have only found solace in my wife I am going through an extremly bad spell of it atm and have been fighting for every second for over a month to control it. My wife seperating from me and now unwilling to talk to me has broken my resolve and I find my fight dwindeling right now I can emagine tomorrow but I cant emagine next week I have to wait till the 9th to see the VA and have there help I should be having a great time Im in tulsa living for free and I get to drive semis and have fun in the training grounds but all i do is hurt I dread my very exsistance and though I keep fighting I fear eventually I will loose I have already lost all intrests in my life I spend every free moment trying to figure ot how to unravel the pain and have found that in some the pain goes in some the pain turns to anger in others the pain sets in and never leaves I cant suffer through counseling for the rest of my life my sanity is already dwindeling lol at the moment venting is all I have and feeling sorry for myself makes me feel tiny and insignificant but its all I have to calm myself.

[sirweasles]

sorry guys its been a very hard day and have been unable to shake it I feel helpless and am soooooooooooo tiered of every day being just alittle worse then the last Im sure eventually I will see a better day fingers are crossed anyways I wish I could just get angry atleast that would be better than the pain

[karnak]

I moved 7 hundred miles away from my family to get a job and have only been able to go home once. after I left my wife stopped having time to talk to me she even went as far as to being out with her mother or her friends so that she was busy. we had plans for my family to come out to where i was for thanksgiving but i got sent to training over turkey day when i asked my wife about coming home afterwards she got upset and told me we couldnt afford it I have made alot of mistakes in my life and have been dependent on he and alittle pushy I made the mistake while half asleep and sent here a pretty rude text a couple weeks ago at 3am and sje hasnt talked to me much since then i just found out that I am not welcome in my home and that i have to get a motel room for christmas to be with my kids. My wife says she is not filing for devorce and there is nobody else but she doesnt want to be in the relationship anymore. she wants to be happy. what do I do I have never been in so much pain

 

Are you out of your mind??

 

Your wife tells you not to come home and you comply?? Just like that???

 

Common-Sense is growing so rare lately that it does seem to look like a super-power.

[sirweasles]

unfortunatly 700 miles getting 15 gal to the mile with no money is really tricky

[sirweasles]

sorry 15miles to the gallon

[sirweasles]

Its a better day my head is on somewhat straight I apoligize I have been in and out of sanity for awhile I knew comin into this training that it was goin to be very dificult however I have never been this out of control I seem to flash from not wanting to go on to telling myself that everything is goin to be ok on to feeling bad for myself and repeat. It seems that the days my wife talks to me I am able to calm and the longer it goes that she doesnt I fade I don't know if this ever really gets better but I'm hoppin that there is a perscription out there that will make it easier. 2 weekw and 2 days to go until I get to see sombody for help that seems like a life time lol. Anyways I have decided to try just letting my wife know I love her every morning and keeping the rest of my conversations to talking to my daughters and we will see how it goes.