OceanGirl Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 This morning as I was getting ready for work, he sends me a text: "Bugger. I forgot that I have scheduled a movie night with my mates tonight. Can we re-schedule for tomorrow?" I responded with "I can't, I have a work function tomorrow. Are you sure you can't make it tonight?" This was few hours ago and he hasn't responded at all. It's the final nail in the coffin. I am somewhat dissapointed, but what can you do. Lessons learned: if a guy sounds iffy in any way in the early dating stages, abort.
zig Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Sorry to hear that ocean girl. Truth is, you're doing the right thing by bailing. If I had a date with a girl and double scheduled with friends I would cancel on my friends in a split second. Also, they would more then understand and would be happy for me. I've had this thing happen to me with girls too. It sucks. Just keep your head up
threebyfate Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I'm sorry to hear this. He's holding true to his pattern of behaviour. Nice avatar!
SilentVoice Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I feel yeah. I just got cancelled on too. This is so like him -- I am bailing as well.
Star Gazer Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I'm not sure what the problem is? He offered an immediate replacement date - tomorrow.
tb24 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Sounds like you both want a date but are just busy. Seems crazy to not to find a date that you're both free. As for "a few hours ago" he might be trying to contact his friends to see if he can reschedule that. Give the guy a chance.
Ariadne Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 "Bugger. I forgot that I have scheduled a movie night with my mates tonight. Can we re-schedule for tomorrow?" He is doing the same thing to you you did to him twice. I don't see the problem. Just reschedule as long as he is interested.
Star Gazer Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Do you honestly have a work function tomorrow night?
Author OceanGirl Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 Sorry to hear that ocean girl. Truth is, you're doing the right thing by bailing. If I had a date with a girl and double scheduled with friends I would cancel on my friends in a split second. Also, they would more then understand and would be happy for me. I've had this thing happen to me with girls too. It sucks. Just keep your head up Yeah, even if his excuse is true it's completely ridiculous. TBF please post in all my dating threads from now on I am sick of getting "give him the benefit of the doubt" and "you are crazy if you don't trust him" posts. Every single time when there was something not quite right and I ended up giving the guy a benefit of the doubt - it AWLAYS ended negatively.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 Do you honestly have a work function tomorrow night? No I don't. I just don't want to be treated this way. I have spent 2 hours deep conditionaning my hair, picking my outfits etc last night. This just won't do. This is not the only flag with this guy. I am bailing.
northern_sky Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 You're making the right choice. This is a pattern of behavior now. Super slow response rates, now canceling. Maybe if he were an amazing catch it might be worth it (probably not), but based on his profile "eh"...
sweetjasmine Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Every single time when there was something not quite right and I ended up giving the guy a benefit of the doubt - it AWLAYS ended negatively. I don't mean to be a jerk, but when has it ended positively? Is it really true that your intuition has been right every time or do you think you might have confirmation bias? No I don't. I just don't want to be treated this way. Then what do you expect? He offered an alternative, and you made something up so you wouldn't have to say no. I'm not sure why you expect people to act a certain way when you won't act that way yourself. It's your choice to bail and, honestly, it's probably a good idea. I'm sorry this one didn't work out, OG.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 And he couldn't have remembered this the night before? Or the night before last? When a person has to come up with an excuse the day of the date, they're definitely being flakey.
anne1707 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Then what do you expect? He offered an alternative, and you made something up so you wouldn't have to say no. I'm not sure why you expect people to act a certain way when you won't act that way yourself. This is what I find so frustrating. OG expects more from her dates than she is prepared to offer them.
TaurusTerp Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 This is what I find so frustrating. OG expects more from her dates than she is prepared to offer them. This is true of most people, male and female. That said, anyone flaking day OF a date is pretty disrespectful and should be axed.
Mad Max Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 No I don't. I just don't want to be treated this way. I have spent 2 hours deep conditionaning my hair, picking my outfits etc last night. This just won't do. This is not the only flag with this guy. I am bailing. You did the same thing to him. Why is it okay for you to come up with an excuse, but when he does it you bail?
carhill Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 My sympathies OP. I got a lot of that when I was your age. Terminate but without prejudice. This mitigates the potential onset of bitterness. Good on ya that you were excited about the date. A good man will appreciate that. Edited to add that the above response was regarding the man whom OG had to cancel on due to being sick and where they purportedly rescheduled. If other, disregard.
whichwayisup Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Take the reins on this one and when he contacts you, tell him what's going on inside you. You got nothing to lose right? If he isn't interested, your gut was right.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 You did the same thing to him. Why is it okay for you to come up with an excuse, but when he does it you bail? I didn't do the same to him as I was genuinly sick. If he said that he was sick, I might have been more leniant. His excuse is just beyond silly and flaky. Thanks for all your input. I have made the final decision not to see him again, no matter what he deos from this point on. Therefore, I won't be returning to this thread.
Star Gazer Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 No I don't. I just don't want to be treated this way. I have spent 2 hours deep conditionaning my hair, picking my outfits etc last night. This just won't do. This is not the only flag with this guy. I am bailing. This isn't even a flag. He offered an immediate alternative! What's a flag is you canceling on him, saying "maybe" in rescheduling that date, and now lying (today) about your purported unavailability. What's with the double standard?? "I can do it, but he can't. So there!!" ?? If there's anyone who's bailing, OG, it's him, based on your own gamesmanship. He was REALLY excited to see you again, remember? Right up until you cancelled on him and then spent all day uploading new pictures to your profile.
Mad Max Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 He was the best online first date that I have ever had. I could easily fall in love with him. If he only showed some clear interest in me I would be on cloud 9 The fact that he's not chasing after you after YOU cancelled on him shouldn't be making you feel bad. Nor should him chasing you put you on Cloud 9. Admit it. You weren't really all that sick. You tested this guy to see how he'd respond, and he failed your test because it's impossible to make you happy. I still stand by this.
sb129 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I don't think all the blame can be placed at the guys feet. Sure, hes been a bit vague and non committal, but so have you OG- if HE had logged onto his profile and updated his photos after claiming to be too sick to go on a date, you would have been really upset, and severed contact with him. He didn't do that to you. There is too much game playing on both sides for this to ever be successful, so pulling the pin is for the best, but if you can't see the part you played in this, its going to come back to bite you again at some point.
omoge Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I also got stood up tonight. I know exatly how you feel. Oh. I see your situation is a bit more complicated than mine. Good luck anyway.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 ARHGH HSASfdastge He called me. Apologized that he had to take couple of hours to get back to me but he was calling his mates to re-arrange the movie night for another day. He wants to see me tonight, same time and same place. I told him that I am in the middle of sopmething and will call him back. Should I go???
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