caught my lover cheating....

[hART]

basically, I caught him in the act of cheating and he lied about it and tried to cover it up....

Long version:

I came home early last night, to a slammed door and the latch being sealed on me as I tried to enter my home. When it opened my lover looked embarrassed and said I caught him masturbating. Then I looked down and saw a tie dyed purse on my floor, hungary I went into the kitchen and acted like I didn't see it. He then tried to trick me into going downstairs, so he could smuggle her out. I then put down the food I was about to eat and asked about the bag. He told me whose it was and a woman emerged from our bathroom. I then ran off. I came back and he had the nerve to tell me, it isn't what it looks like. I replied, do you think I'm that ****ing stupid? He then had the nerve to say, she is a person too, why don't you introduce yourself? I replied, why would I want to meet someone who just ****ed my boyfriend? He left and insisted it was the first time it has happened in his life and proceeded to blame me, but admitted to ****ing up. He is usually an awesome boyfriend and has been nothing but wonderful to me, until this. there is a small compassionate part of me that wants to forgive him and keep it going, maybe as an open relationship. I just don't think he would respect me and would probably cheat and lie about it again, if it was open I don't know if it would change the problems our relationship has or if it is worth saving. help!

[Cracker Jack]

Yeah, I think it's safe to say his response to you shows he already doesn't respect you. If you give him a chance and he does it again, you have no one to blame but yourself.

[Norville_Rogers]

PLEASE tell me that you are not considering taking this guy back. If he loved you....he would have never even put himself in that position. You have to ask yourself if you would have ever even put yourself in that position. No you wouldn't. Because you had respect for not only him...but yourself AND your relationship. Kick him out. Tell him to never contact you again and have a glass of wine knowing that he missed out on a really good thing.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed do you think he would be so accepting? He played you for an absolutely fool. If you take him back then he would be correct. He clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[samsungxoxo]

Wow what's wrong with this generation that get easily caught cheating. In this story it seems like the poster's ex BF wanted to really get caught. Otherwise why would anyone be so idiotic enough to cheat on the SO's house when there can always be changes in schedule and unexpected surprises?

 

If someone wants to cheat, at least be damn smart enough not to do in common places such as the SO's house.

 

Back to the poster: If you want to heal from this, tossing the scumbag would be the real solution and applying NC immediately. Erase him from myspace, facebook, your accounts, address book, etc. If he calls you, tell him there is nothing to explain and to go to hell, that it's over and done.

[hART]

He apologized to me last night and neither of us want back in the relationship. We are going to remain friends. I wish I would sat him down and had the talk I wanted to have with him, because he seemed unhappy. We agreed it was a crappy way to end a relationship and he seemed pretty honest about it being the first time he has cheated ever (this makes me feel worse actually). Three months ago he told me a vague list of things he wanted: respect, common courtesy and affection. I hate that I couldn't give him those things, but yeah the cheating wasn't my fault.

[hART]

we broke up, it wasn't working out.

[hART]

Thanks! he never said he loved me, we were roommates with benefits to him.

[samsungxoxo]

Why would you even want to be friends with a man that had the audacity to cheat in your own house?

Why would you want to be friends with a man who only considers you his roommate?

No man would want to be in a relationship with a woman that doesn't love herself nor have self-esteem.

Lastly do you want to still be dating jerks and cheaters for years? By the time you realize what a decent man is all about, it'll be too late because you wasted your youth on scumbags. Don't be one of those women with no self-esteem.

 

I dumped an ex BF because he was an immature boy, not a man. No he did not cheated but he did many stupid things till I said ''Enough is enough already'' and will never be talking to him again.

[Bryanp]

He wanted respect and common courtesy from you and he then cheats with another woman in your home and you catch him with the girl? What is wrong with this picture? What about common courtesy and respect for you? You judge a person by their actions and not by their words.

[hART]

He asked for it long before this happened, he has never cheated on anyone before. I dunno, I'd rather be friendly with him for a bit and slowly part from each other, rather than a bunch of drama. It is much more complicated than can be described in the forum, but yeah he realizes the hippocracy, sometimes good people do ****ty things. Like I said, he apologized sincerely. Generally his actions have been very respectful up to this point, so it is really hard to just judge a person off one seriously ****ed up action out of 100+ good ones. People make mistakes, so why treat them like a horrible person? Why dod I need the drama of making him a mortal enemy? I don't work like that.

[hART]

It is his house too and it is his bed. I meant it more in the way of being friendly till he can move out (tomorrow is what he said). I hate the idea of being spiteful, because someone made a mistake. The self-esteem issue is part of a much bigger mental disorder I'm working on with a therapist/doctor. I knew what kind of relationship this was from the beginning, I haven't been doing well mentally most of my life. I wanted a companion and he wanted a roof, it worked fine and I have no regrets about it (well except for saying something when I knew it wasn't working out). I learned many things from him and had some good times. It sucks it ended like this and I know it wasn't my fault, his heart wasn't in it at all it is that simple, honestly I don't know if mine was either. I'm just glad there weren't months of deceit, suspicion and lying involved. I figure we can be friends, be peaceful and just drift apart naturally.

[hART]

I've done that before and I don't want to be the angry exgirlfriend, I'd rather be like, you did something stupid, you know it is stupid, we'll talk about it and move on. He is already moving out tomorrow, so there is no need to be angry. I'm just going to let him leave in peace and move on slowly. Yes, I'm pissed off, but why make it difficult? I'll cut contact with him if I feel it is necessary.

[Germangirl]

Is he gone? Good for you!

[Star Gazer]

Thanks! he never said he loved me, we were roommates with benefits to him.

 

Your use of the term "lover" as opposed to "boyfriend" or something similar suggests he was right...

[hART]

I never thought about that, huh...

maybe it was best that it ended before we both wasted more time.

[hART]

He moves out on Tuesday and yeah after the incident neither of us wants back together.

[SouthernSunshine]

Wow.. how were you able to contain yourself from attacking them both? I would have lost it, and went postal on their @sses. Good for you for keeping it together, maintaining self control.

[hART]

I just walked away for a minute, took some deep breaths and when I came back I asked them to leave. It might have been different if I wasn't on psych meds (very calming) or if they didn't leave when I asked them to.