if you understand tango dancing : Tango and personal relationship

[fazz]

Hi all im new here, so hello

 

I've been dancing tango since april this year and has experiened a tango relationship and broke up as well ....I broke up with the guy. We're both dancing tango.

 

I've just realised that I consider my spouse personal space is mine and mine is his so I'm really not into all these changing partner thingy. I also hate to see that he chooses woman on the dance floor and worse he has a LOT of female friends because of Tango altough I'm his first gf from tango. Plus doing workshop abroad etc. ( yes he is a tango addict and i'm a beginner). That was a real crap as i was devastated for months because it was the most perfect relationship I have ever had when tango is not on the scene.

 

I love tango for the dance itself but I cant tolerate my partner to be in such a close embrace ( and the movement.....you know the advanced ones) and asking girl around to dance , it just seem to be wrong. I would happily give up to dance with other man if he wishes so. I think its fair considering how close Tango could be ( unless u dance with the same gender) and I'm to the perspective that when im in a commited relationship then my personal space is my spouse's and his is mine.

 

So for the future, I either have a relationship with a tango dancer with the same perspective ( well maybe some adjustment if needed but that's the bottomline) or I would date non dancer and give up my tango if he objects.

 

So....hows your policy regarding tango ( or maybe other physical dance) and your personal relationship?

 

Thanks folks

Edited November 21, 2010 by fazz

[PegNosePete]

You're being completely unreasonable here. You say he is advanced Tango dancer and you are a beginner; so presumably he was doing it for a long time before he met you? So you expect him to give up a hobby which is clearly very important to him?

 

Second you say you met him at Tango but now that you've got him you want him to stop? When you began the relationship you knew what the hobby involved, you went in with your eyes open and now you're expecting him to change. That is quite unreasonable.

 

Third have you not seen the various dancing shows on the telly? They do some pretty racy stuff and yet most of them are happily married and have children. Professional dancers can keep their private lives separate from their on-stage activities. It's all just show for the camera/audience. If your BF takes Tango seriously then he has surely developed this skill as well.

 

However if you can't handle it then you're clearly mis-matched, you should break up with him so he can find someone who accepts his hobby.

[fazz]

Peg Nose Pete :

 

yeah I know what you are saying, I wasnt aware of what I really expect at that time as funny thing is we didnt really aware of eachother because we're form the different community and I didnt really care abt guys at that time and I was new at that scene as well, i didnt aware abt him too well at that time, as in how addicted he is and how i would react with someone who are that addicted etc.

 

I just expect something more exclusive in a relationship. of course that now I already attached to him I expect him to stop, fundamentally, but some compromise might do but anyway....

 

 

Its just wrong from the start. They always can say im doing this because this is what tango is like and I do this because this is what stripping is like etc, you can always name a certain things to allow you do to things.

 

the thing is actually you can decide how far you want to get involved into things. I just loathe the closeness of tango and the fact of changing partner thingy.

 

so I know what you are saying and i split up w him already anyway. I want to hear from u guys how u deal with such thing if u have experienced one, maybe not necessarily tango but anything similar. Like if your partner is into something physical with the opposite sex in the name of something, if you have certain policy or compromise or agreement abt it.

[PegNosePete]

If your partner does something which is sexual or which is part of attracting a mate or which would in most circles be considered cheating or inviting infidelity then it is reasonable to expect them to stop once they become exclusive to you. For example posting on a dating website or going for romantic meals with someone else. These should all stop once you become committed to someone.

 

But social activities, it is not reasonable to ask him to stop doing. For example I do amateur dramatics, sometimes I play the part of a husband and other women talk to me and interact with me as though they are my wife. So should my future partners have a right to tell me to stop doing this? Absolutely not! Any partner who told me that they wanted me to stop acting because they didn't like me interacting with other women, would be too clingy and controlling for me, and would get the boot.

 

It's all a matter of perspective though, and for different people, activities would be placed in different levels of acceptability. For example some consider stripping acceptable and some do not. But in my opinion, tango dancing in a group environment is definitely a "hobby" activity, not a "dating" one. If he were to go tango dancing alone with just one woman or to go to an event with another woman as a "date" then it would be a different story! But changing partners is normal at many dance classes.

Edited November 23, 2010 by PegNosePete

[Trojan John]

It's like you hate tango for all the things that make tango what it is. Go read up on the history of the dance, and maybe switch to salsa and work on your jealousy issues.

[NoLongerSad]

Try salsa.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Evidently there is a language issue ... but I don't get it.

 

Didn't you say that you broke up with him? Later you mention "spouse."

 

If you are still with him ... no, you cannot impinge upon his Tango dancing. That's who he is and what he does, and if you cannot handle it, the relationship is not going to work for you.

[fazz]

yeah I just need more exclusivity in the relationship.

Mme. Chaucer : yeah we split up already.

 

 

its just hard because we were already in a relationship. Actually I broke up with him because I know what you guys are saying. Its a matter of preference I just need more exclusivity in my relationship.

 

I know its like that in tango. I know that what he is into. I just expect that he would dance only with me in the name of relationship because apparently we were already together........ because its not like a hobby of painting or photography and we were already together with him and me in the same boat. Its not against the rule to dance exclusively because basicallly you can choose who you want to dance with.

 

 

altough we shouldnt started it in the first place.

 

But anyway Im the one first realising wht you guys are saying. That's why i broke up with him.

 

He does not really want to reconcile ( or maybe still thinking) but he asked me to dinner n stuff and I was a bit upset because wtf u want....if you cant dance exclusively with me please dont confuse me....because its hurt to meet him and then we gone NC because we happen to meet in the same community and now im confused whether i got to attend the tango stuff in that community or not...but he always does because we both kinda help the comittee so we're in this email group thingy.

 

 

And guys thanks for the salsa suggestion