Should I try and get her back one last time?

[SimonSerenade]

So No contact isn't quite working out for me at getting her back, I don't want to get over her and I don't want to give up on her, We have a beautiful son together and I want nothing more than for us to be a family, She broke up with me 3 months ago, I begged for her back for the first month and half and then started to be her friend in pure hope that it would improve my chances, We got along okay, We talked in person when I picked my son up, I helped out and gave her the odd gift or two including Fable 3, I promised her when I was together I'd get it her when it came out and I always keep my promises, She went funny on me on the weekend I got it her because I was ill and couldn't look after my son.

 

I stopped talking to her at that point and that was around 2 weeks ago, I'm wondering what my best course of action is right now, Do I give her some space and contact her around Christmas time with a gift or two for her? or Do I contact her now and ask her to meet up with me for a chat? or should I just lay off contact all together and not get her anything for Christmas and just hope she returns one day?, I need advice here, I don't want to be replaced.

[bl22]

Hey mate,

 

Every situation is diferent but I can only go off my own experiences and what I've read on this board the past 2 months. The pain is unbearable i know that much but my advice is.....there's nothing YOU can do right now. It is out of your hands, its in her hands, it needs to come from her. Anything you say, do, try won't change her mind, only thing that can change her mind is herself.

 

It's so hard to come to terms with this cause if you do nothing, it feels like you're giving up, when in fact its the opposite. It you do something, you will 9/10 just push her away even more and change her opinion of you even more.

It sounds to me like she needs space from you to miss you, and is there a chance you may be (temporarily) replaced? Yes, as sad as it is I've been replaced myself. It's the worst thing in the world. But as I say, it's out of your hands right now. You have to think long term here because there WILL be chances in the future for you due to your son....providing you dont do anything stupid now. Any begging pleading buying will only make matters worse it seems...she needs to view you again as the guy she first fell in love with, are you that guy if you are txting her, pleading with her....no you are the furthest away from that guy as possible. If you contact her not only will you heap more misery on yourself, its also way too soon after the pain shes caused you, and you need to feel better with yourself away from her before you contact her.

[SimonSerenade]

Thanks Mate.

 

You pulled me out of my moment of weakness, My friend told me to do it in my own way and I suppose my own way sometime's isn't always the best way, Your right, I'd of only pushed her further away and caused further damage that I feel I may have repaired when I was being friends with her, I think if she ever did come back asking to be my friend I'd have to tell her that it just wouldn't work and it's all or nothing if I chose to be back in her life as hard it is to say.

 

My friend who's known my ex longer than me said she's not really the kind of person to go and do something stupid like find somebody else and what not, He said she'll most likely realise she's gone the wrong way about thing's like she always does and come back eventually, Some of what he said made perfect sense, She can't live at her mum's forever and one day she'll grow up and see the mistakes she's made as people in time will point them out to her.

 

I geuss that's all I got to hold on to right now, Just got to trust my better judgement of her, Lets hope we get our chances before Christmas otherwise, Miracles have been known to happen around that time of the year.

 

What I dread most is looking after my son over new year knowing she'll most likely be out having a great time making her resolutions to forget me. =/

[bl22]

Dont worry I had weak moments when I was at your position of NC and DID end up texting her saying something like

 

"*the pet name she give me* misses *pet name i gave her* xxx'

 

the reply i got was ' dont send me **** like this again please, im sorry'

 

Gutting. Im worried about New years also, I dont have ANY plans at the mometn and would have been spending it with her. I presume she already has plans. hmmmmm :/

Its her birthday in 2 weeks too, originally Id bought her a ton of presents she'd LOVE, and a letter and was going to send them to her for her birthday when we broke up but was advised on here not too, and now being advised to not even contact her atall on her birthday not even a 'happy birthday, hope you and the family are well' text.

 

Im stil in 2 minds over the text, because at the end of the day, I dont want her to percieve the text as a way of trying to talk to her again because im stil to hurt to talk to her anytime soon to be honest.But then again I dont want her to think im a dick for ignoring her when she spent loads on my birthday few months back...but then again she has destroyed me and left me for someone else....i dont no.

 

Everyones said dont give her the satisfaction of her knwoing your thinking about her, and if she texts you saying why didnt you wish me happy birthday then just say you didnt wanna risk causing any bad emotions on your birthday which makes sense. what you reckon?

[SimonSerenade]

Hiya mate, That's a tricky situation, I mean the no contact rule is mainly for us and to get us to a place where we can be happy and okay without them and hopefully in the process get them missing us, I'd advise giving her the presents and sending her the text since you spent your money and effort on it then going back to no contact and if she say's thanks you just say "no problem, have a good day" and if she replies badly to it you just say "It wasn't intended that way but I understand, Sorry", I think as long as its short and hard to reply to then we don't have a problem, After all the gesture may make her think hard.

 

I myself am going to send a letter that I wrote her which pretty much states that I'm happy for her and I hope she finds somebody great in the future and just alot of stuff that needs saying, I need closure and I feel sending the letter may just get me it cause I'll be wishing her the best and letting go the moment that letters leave my hands, The way I see it is I can't do any more damage than what's already done and if it makes me feel better than I may aswell just do it, I don't think there is a right or wrong way to go about things at this point as it's all gone wrong anyway, I'll also be sending her a neck chain I bought for her a couple of days before she finished me that says mother and a spongebob dvd I bought for my son, I hope no contact gets me where I want to be and if that's not with her it's at least being good friends for our son's sake and who knows what the future holds for us, Even her mum said that to me when I went round a couple of weeks back.

 

I think you should listen to your heart even if it's got you in a bad way right now, Forgive her for what she's done and the pain she's caused you and when you let go and you can finally look her in the eye, She might be regretting ever setting eyes on this feller she left you for by then and hopefully then she'll come back to you, I think being friend's stands you a better chance of getting back with her, It's the only way I've ever gotten back with my ex's.

 

I'm going to get my ex a present and a card for Christmas, Granted she don't deserve it but when you have a kind heart why let it go to waste?

[bl22]

Hey again

 

Hmm, I was thinking the same way as your last post a few weeks after the break up but now its been nearly 2 months no contact, i really feel sending presents and letter etc IS a bad idea.

 

They ****ed us over, why do they deserve presents and a massive letter basically showing were stil pining for them, it doesnt look good on us in the slightest. She hasnt bothered to contact me, so why should she deserve the presents and letter...i cant buy her back, and even if she did come bk anytime soon....i dont know if i could handle what shes done to me. Its way too soon.

 

I think it would speak louder if i did nothing on her birthday, if she contacts me it prooves shes thinking of me, I really feel she needs to contact me first before i contact her. I strongly urge you wait a while, until near christmas before deciding to post letter n presents to your ex.

 

How would you feel if you later found out shes been with someone else??

 

Post on here about it, theyl be tons of advice, people who have made the same mistakes and can tell us pretty much what the outcome will be. I've asked about the birthday thing and EVERYONE told me its a bad idea, close friends, relatives. At the end of the day they're acting selfish and there actions dont need to be rewarded do they, it makes us look needy.

[bl22]

theres not a chance in hell i can be friends with her again, im not going to be friendzoned by her, and if i did become friends, and seen the guy she replaced me with then god knows what id do. I'd probably get arrested, if i seen him around he'd get whats coming to him and im not even a violent person.

 

I know what you're saying though, but im not willing to settle for being friends anytime soon, not until im over her and god knows when that will be.

[andrew-bkk]

I myself am going to send a letter that I wrote her which pretty much states that I'm happy for her and I hope she finds somebody great in the future and just alot of stuff that needs saying, I need closure and I feel sending the letter may just get me it cause I'll be wishing her the best and letting go the moment that letters leave my hands, The way I see it is I can't do any more damage than what's already done and if it makes me feel better than I may aswell just do it

 

Dude -- don't send that letter. It's not closure.

 

Closure is all about closing things in your head and in your heart. Once you've done that, and once you're happy with that, you just move on.

 

Remember, it's not about her anymore. From now on, it's about you.

 

There is no need to send gay letters. If you do, she will simply view you as a weak idiot as opposed to a genuinely strong man who has picked himself up and moved forwards.

[SimonSerenade]

I understand you there mate, I'm the same, I'd be able to talk to her briefly at the start but would be quite a way a ways till I'd add her to Facebook and what ever else cause of how hard she's made this break up, It feels like I've been replaced at the moment to be honest, I don't know why but just one of those feelings you get when you notice little thing's about someone.

 

I think god gave me a sign this morning, I was planning to do all that stuff for today, Send her a letter, Neck chain and spongebob for my son and out of nowhere I came down with the ****s lol, Maybe it's his way of saying it's a bad idea and I don't want to tell her I'm letting go... Especially if I'm not.

 

I think I'd wind up getting arrested too if I should ever see somebody my ex replaced me with or even if it was somebody who just slept with her, I hear stories of my friend's of them being used and what not and I think about my ex and just hope that isn't or hasn't happened to her, I'm sure I'd of heard something by now though if that was the case.

 

You are right though, They don't deserve anything from us, After what they've done and thrown away, They deserve to realise what they've done and regret it, It's just so hard knowing what to do when I feel this way.

 

I'll just give it her for Christmas and think twice about what I write down, She's just so hard headed, I doubt she'd ever contact me, I feel lost and forgotten, Can't wait for the day it gets easier.