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3 months after ending it,he tells me he misses me and loves me,but can't b with me

flow15

By flow15
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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flow15 Established Member

flow15

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I posted here at the beginning of september completely heartbroken as my ex had broken up with me after being a year together. His reason for ending it was that we couldn't be together as we were too different.. I didn't believe we were so different as otherwise we wouldn't have been together for a year. I believe there are other reasons why he ended it, but I never found out.

 

I was devastated and heart broken, and when I came across this site I went NC, a month after NC he contacted me to see how I was we had a brief conversation and we went NC again. And then a month after that he contacted me again to see how I was again. By this time I was already seeing someone else and had him completely out of my mind, I didn't think about him as much and didn't get upset anymore. I had moved on.

 

This weekend he knew I was in town and he got in contact asking to meet up, but I told him I was too busy. I went out with my friends and saw his friend, his friend obviously told him where I was because an hour later he turned up.

HE looked really happy to see me when he turned up and he hugged me, and it was soo good to see him and all the memories came flooding back. I had blocked him out of my mind for the past 3 months and I didn't realise I still loved him and still cared about him.

 

He was pretty drunk as was I, and he told me he missed me and he started to cry! (the second time he has cried with me), he told me that he had dreams about me that he still loved me... He also kissed me and said he never felt this way about anyone. IT was so amazing, it felt like we had never broken up, the passion was still there, the chemistry.. the fire the connection between us was still there... But when I told him I had been seeing someone for a bit of fun (and mainly to take help me take my mind of him) he said it really hurt him.. and I told him but you broke up with me, did you expect me to stay single forever! and he said, if you had a boyfriend who cared about you and treated you right I'd b really happy for you. This is so confusing because how can he say he would be happy if i had a boyfriend, and then say he still loves me, and kisses me etc.

 

But he said don't take this the wrong way, I'm not hitting on you we can't be together, I don't want you back. I didn't want him to think I was desperate for him back or anything so I said I know we cant be together.

 

But I am left so confused now..... why did he tell me he loved me still, that he missed me, why did he kiss me, why did he cry.... and then tell me we can't be together.

 

I don't know if I want him back, but I do know that I miss him now and I want to hold him and kiss him like we were, the connection is still there. I just want to spend time with him, but don't want to get hurt again.

But I am so confused as to what he wants. He told me we can't be together, that he needs his freedom and wants to do what he wants when he wants.

But he obviously still has all these feelings for me.

 

I don't want to go chasing after him asking him what it is he wants. Cos I don't think he even knows, but I am left so confused now...

Don Ho Established Member

Don Ho

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I don't think it's so confusing, he loves you but is not in love with you. It wasn't working for him for whatever reason. Telling you he loves you makes him feel less guilty and makes him feel better. But really, I think it's a bunch of BS. It's like "I love you and miss you and if the sky wasn't blue it would all work out". It's nonsense. All you're going to end up with is more heartache and misery if you try to get re-involved with him. Stay with you new guy, NC and keep moving forward. You're only going to hurt yourself.

Fern Established Member

Fern

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He's being incredibly immature and selfish. He didn't like that you seemed to be over him and moving on which made him think he was in 'love' again - but when you reciprocated his 'feelings' he changed his mind. He's a ****eheel of the highest order. Tell him where to go if he comes near you again. You do NOT need this kind of gameplaying BS in your life.

ocatherine Member

ocatherine

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I actually disagree with the previous responses and totally respect you for your ability to move on, as it would appear that you were doing very well in doing so...

 

I can also sympathize why you are confused at this point considering that you reciprocated even though you were attempting NC. The way I see it, you were there at this point for a reason, however without fail, someone is going to break down at some point if your relationship truly meant something to one or both parties. Regardless, someone has to take responsibility and stay true by not reciprocating, otherwise it could not only become relentless and completely devastating (or in my case never-ending) if there is extreme passion for one another.

 

Not sure if any of this makes sense... but I wouldn't have responded the first time. As far as I'm concerned, when there is a break up they are no longer privy to any information about you and thus do not deserve a response with a casual text message of "how are you doing" that requires little effort on their part.

Edited by ocatherine
skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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Don Ho is right. This is all bs. Don't let him string you along like this. It's only going to make you feel worse. A lot worse.

ocatherine Member

ocatherine

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Don Ho is right. This is all bs. Don't let him string you along like this. It's only going to make you feel worse. A lot worse.

 

Nice to know that you two have it all figured out. So why are you both still here?

hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

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What a snivveling little turd! I take it the guy you were seeing is now out of the picture? Or at least knows what went on, that would be the honorable thing to do.

 

Anyhow,

Your ex is a real piece of work. Sounds like he was just lonely and feeling low in general and needed some re assurance in his life. You gave it to him and once he got it, the "spark" was gone for him. It was a crappy, greasy thing to do, but it kind of displayed his true colors really. The proof is in the pudding and no man who loved and cared for you, would ever put you through what that man just did. It would not happen.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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Nice to know that you two have it all figured out. So why are you both still here?

 

 

 

Thanks, it was pretty easy. And why am I still where?

ocatherine Member

ocatherine

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Thanks, it was pretty easy. And why am I still where?

 

It wasn't meant to be a compliment.

shocked_confused Established Member

shocked_confused

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It wasn't meant to be a compliment.

 

They were just stating their opinion of the situation....

 

Thats why people come on here, to get other peoples' perspective. I don't believe they were trying to shoot down your answer or offend you.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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It wasn't meant to be a compliment.

 

 

Oh really? No kidding?

Don Ho Established Member

Don Ho

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I am here because I have been where flow15 has been, I have quite a bit of hard-learned experience to share and to make sure that those that don't have the right answer don't misguide other members. Other than that, I have no reason to be here.

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flow15 Established Member

flow15

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Thanks for the replies!

 

I spoke to him and he basically said that he's confused too, he doesn't udnerstand why he was crying, etc.. but he said he can't be with me because he likes his freedom and doesn't like to feel settled or depended on.

But he admitted that we do have a connection and that the fire still burns.

 

The new guy I was seeing is out the picture, we had no connection, and pretty much nothing in common, it was just a bit of fun to help me get my ex out of my head.

 

I don't know if I want my ex back, he hurt me a lot, but all I know is that its amazing when we r together and I want to see him again. But I don't want to go chasing after him.

 

I understand I cant make him realise that if we love eachother and if we have this amazing connection then we should be together....

What can I do to make him want to be with me? Just step back, give him space and hope he will come to me??

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flow15 Established Member

flow15

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How do I get him back??

Anyone?

librooks Member

librooks

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Haha, your ex says he can't be with you because you're too different. Mine said we can't be together because we're too similar. Basically though same story about how he wants to be on his own, wants his freedom, doesn't want to be tied down, etc. Sounds like he likes the IDEA of a relationship, but doesn't actually want to be in one. Don't take it personally. He's a commitment-phobe, and if you go back to him he'll only hurt you again. Easier said than done though; we know logically going back is the wrong thing to do, but we miss the passion and chemistry and connection. It's like a drug, but JUST SAY NO!!

Don Ho Established Member

Don Ho

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Idea on getting him back: yep, leave him totally alone. I don't think it's going to work out if he does come back. Once it's broke, it's broke. I agree if he comes back he's only going to hurt you again. I read some where online recently about a divorce attorney giving advice to a guy: he told him 'they always come back; for a day, a week, a month, a year. Then they leave again'. Get it? You MIGHT get him back, but he'll dump you again. Spend your energy on yourself and meeting someone new.

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flow15 Established Member

flow15

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But how can I walk away from someone who tells me they love me and admits the amazing connection and chemsitry between us?

How can he ignore it? How can he walk away from it?

 

I thought I had moved on and forgotten about him, but 3 months later I am back to square one and want him back!!!

 

What can I say to him to make him want this, I think he does but he's just confused cos he wants his 'freedom' but he obviously loves me and realises the connection between us. It drives me crazy!!

For now I'm leaving him alone and hoping he realises on his own, and let him come to me... but I'm afraid he won't.

Edited by flow15
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