ladyjane83 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now, we are very serious, have said we love each other and talk about moving in with with each other next summer when he finishes university. We are both 26 and have had other relationships, so we know what we want etc. I don't really doubt his feelings for me, although I have had a few wobbles lately because he moved 5hrs away in September to go to university and have been a bit lacking in contact while he is there, but he comes back to visit every other weekend and we are as close as always. There is just one thing bothering me and that is that he wont accept me on facebook! I know that facebook isnt the most important thing in the world, but this just bothers me. He doesnt use it very often, I know that because he told me. And in the early dating stage I set up a false facebook account and added him just so I could have a snoop. He accepted me under my false name within a couple of days and I could see that he really doesnt use it much, he hasnt added any photos or ever changes his status. but from this I can also see that there is nothing incriminating on there, so its not like he has another gf or something that he wants to hide. there are a few drunk photos other people have tagged him in but thats it. So about 2 months ago I tried to add him, and I told him I had. but he hasnt accepted me. I few weeks later I cancelled the request and did it again as a kind of propmt. but he still hasnt accepted me. But when I log in to my 'fake' account and look at his page I can see that he has become friends with loads of people since I asked him. Just not me. They arent girls, just guys from his course at uni etc, so its not anything shady. just weird. I asked him why he hasnt accepted me yet and he said its because he hasnt been on facebook to do it as he doesnt use it. I just said ok, even though I know he has because I have seen...but I couldnt say that, because the only reson I can see that info is through my fake account. Why wouldnt he want me on his facebook?? its weird. I would expect the worst, but I can see there isnt anything incriminating on there. He is friends with his mum and dad and sisters on there who I havent met yet, so could that be it??
phineas Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Whoa! You've been with him for 8 months, your serious & talking about moving in together but havn't met his family? I'm sorry, but if one of your friends came to you with this about their "boyfriend" what would you say? My own wife wouldn't add me to facebook because she didn't want people to know she was married. The fact you went so far as to create a fake facebook profile to sneak onto his page tells us there is something seriously wrong with your relationship.
Author ladyjane83 Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 there isnt anything wrong with the relationship....the fake facebook was within the first week of meeting when I was with my friends and we were being nosey...and I didnt want to seem super eager and add him to mine straight away. Im also not bothered about not meeting his family yet, he has met mine but only because the opportunity presented itself because my sister was having a birthday party, otherwise he probably wouldn't have met mine yet either.
Ella whispers Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I ent through the same thing recently. There is a reason and you probably won't like it. Tell him to be honest.
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 And in the early dating stage I set up a false facebook account and added him just so I could have a snoop. He accepted me under my false name He added a complete stranger, yet now he won't add the "real you" as a friend. Please think about this. Chances are he KNOWS the "fake friend" is you. Why else wouldn't he add you on FB? I find it odd that if he doesn't know about the fake friend, then what other reason would there be for him not to add you?
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 He added a complete stranger, yet now he won't add the "real you" as a friend. Please think about this. Chances are he KNOWS the "fake friend" is you. Why else wouldn't he add you on FB? I find it odd that if he doesn't know about the fake friend, then what other reason would there be for him not to add you? I agree... also something to think about is the FB allows privacy settings to be applied to individual friends as well.. so maybe he doesn't have any photos that you can see because he adjusted the privacy settings on your fake account
Zale Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 As said, this is a slightly dodgy situation. You should really watch yourself here, if he's not comfortable adding his girlfriend to FB and yet gladly lets some random stranger into that club, you might want to confront him about it. In all likelihood though, it's probably just an innocent case of him not wanting his family to see you yet. But you can never know unless you put it on the table.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I was going to say he has something to hide, but since that's out of the equation, I'm assuming he's ashamed of letting you become known to his friends.
welikeincrowds Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Nothing good ever came from Facebook. All I ever see it do in the context of a relationship is excite jealousy or stir doubts. It's also just one more thing you have to destroy in the event that you break up. If you can bring yourself to stop hurting yourself with it, that is. Facebook, which has become a sticking point for you in your REAL-LIFE relationship, even though the site itself is so cursory for so many people. The thing you might have a fight about, that may change the dynamic of your relationship. Facebook. I know you want to see past the content and into the structure. He lied to you. This is a Red Flag. Still, I contest that this being about Facebook is more important than you're allowing. Nobody knows how to properly manage this witch of a website. I think he's being clumsy and stupid, but the guile belongs to the blue and white. Just imagine, if you let this website interfere. I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt and drop it all together. But since I know you won't be able to do that, confront him completely, because "I don't really use it" is a ****ty excuse when you've made it clear it's important to you, and be aware that you're incorporating an influence into your life that aims to funnel all thought and expression involved in it into one meager banality: "To Like."
youngskywalker Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I was going to say he has something to hide, but since that's out of the equation, I'm assuming he's ashamed of letting you become known to his friends. Yeah sorry to say after 8 months if he doesn't come out and let the world know he is in a relationship with you it's a bad sign. With that said, If I was newly dating a girl I wouldn't add her to my facebook for this reason..... I don't want to reveal so much of myself. Personally I'm not a big social networker and I don't have 400 friends on facebook. I probably just wouldn't want her to know I don't have a huge social network. Facebook for me, is more personal than just adding every tom, dick and harry to it. At any rate, that's like 2 months into a relationship. Eventually, my status would be "in a relationship" especially after 8 months!!! If I were you I would be concern about this and give it some more thought. Quite frankly, after 8 months I would be very upset if my g/f didn't have me on her facebook as a SO.
youngskywalker Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Nothing good ever came from Facebook. Except for getting someone rich that is! welikeincrowds- I'm curious, where did your quote come from?
welikeincrowds Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Except for getting someone rich that is! welikeincrowds- I'm curious, where did your quote come from? Yeah, I should have been more clear. I really did mean that in the context of romantic relationships. It has made it much easier to keep contact with people, which is its proposed purpose I guess. The quote is from John Stuart Mill, On Liberty, Chapter III, Paragraph 6.
yah Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I read my guy your post and the only reason he could think of was that maybe he doesn't want his friends/family to know about you. Have you at least met his friends?
guy.lepage Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I know of plenty of people, even married ones, who don't show anything on their facebook status. They think it's unnecessary. If the guy doesn't care about you, never takes you out, only shows up for hot sex and never introduces you to anyone, then I'd say question it. If the guy is nice and good in every way except his facebook status, I'd say just forget facebook.
phineas Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 But, it isn't relationship status. He won't even add her as a friend. We all know she'll want the status next but he won't add her as a friend, told her the reason why is because he doesn't use it that much but she KNOWS he adds people as friends all the time & does in fact use it that much. He is lieing to her. Facebook only becomes consequential when significant others won't do the inconsequential concerning it.
Author ladyjane83 Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 I dont know, he really doesnt use it that much, apart from the adding of friends, he never does anything to his profile. It doesnt say he is single, just doesnt say he is in a relationship either. and yeah, I have met all of his good friends on numerous occassions
EarthDweller Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Why don't you add him while you're actually there with him. Pull out your laptop and do it there on the spot.
veggirl Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Why don't you add him while you're actually there with him. Pull out your laptop and do it there on the spot. Great idea. I second it.
Author ladyjane83 Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 because I dont want to FORCE him to add me, thats not the point. I dont want to make him do something he obviously doesnt want to do...I just want to know why he doesnt want to
Numb Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Put your real picture on the fake FB account, that should get him thinking. If he says anything just say you dont know what he's talking about LOL.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 It's definitely suspicious. I second what another poster said about being able to set individual privacy settings on there so he could easily be on other photographs as well, you just won't see them. i.e. a friend of his may have tagged him, but their pictures are set to private so you wouldn't see them unless you befriended that person. Eight months, and no FB add, it may not add up to much in the end, but the fact that he adds a random stranger and not his own girlfriend is definitely iffy. I'd do it when he was there, and say 'I just added you on FB.' Nothing confrontational, but it certainly forces him to address the issue. If he's completely legit, he'd have no qualms whatsoever about adding you.
MrNate Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 It's definitely suspicious. I second what another poster said about being able to set individual privacy settings on there so he could easily be on other photographs as well, you just won't see them. i.e. a friend of his may have tagged him, but their pictures are set to private so you wouldn't see them unless you befriended that person. Eight months, and no FB add, it may not add up to much in the end, but the fact that he adds a random stranger and not his own girlfriend is definitely iffy. I'd do it when he was there, and say 'I just added you on FB.' Nothing confrontational, but it certainly forces him to address the issue. If he's completely legit, he'd have no qualms whatsoever about adding you. I know who needs to add me on facebook....
harmfulsweetz Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I know who needs to add me on facebook.... PM me and I will.
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