Is it Unethical to have an Extramarital Affair?

[Nysa]

I have been married for four years, with a baby gal who is 2 years little. I constantly have quarrels with my husband and I don't find him mentally compatible. He has hurted me so much in life. I always feel like divorcing but did not do that, keeping my child's future in mind. However, we managed to be very happy on bed.

 

Recently, I have developed an emotional affair with a married man, who is my collegue, neighbor as well as relative. He has a baby gal who is 2.5 years little. He has impressed me a lot. He told me that he is not sexually satisfied with his wife and wants me to have a long-term sex affair with him. It is not just for sex, he also loves me genuinely. I am also happy to do it, but something in me says that it is unethical and I will be punished by God.

 

Nowadays, because of my emotional affair, I lost sexual interest in my husband.

 

If I get into this affair, he will be sexually satisfied and feel very happy in life. I also will have someone to share my emotional feelings with and I will also turn to be very happy in life. But, if both of our partners get to know about us someday, both will be hurted a lot. We don't want to hurt them also.

 

Shall I get into the relationship? Please share your opinions.

[blueroses10]

On the premise that this is real, an emphatic NO would be my answer. He's your relative, that would be enough to stop me right there.

[imagine]

Hi Nysa,

 

This sounds like a troll thread and that English is not your first language. Thank you for posing the question.

 

You know the answer!.

 

What of the present. You are expected to respect your husband and to hold him higher than ANY other in your heart. Have you done this? Have you told your husband your feelings for your neighbor? Have you shared your affection for a wife's husband with the wife?

 

Did your neighbour recognise his marital problems to fix them?

 

Let us say the answer is NO: Well done, you have found a scoundrel who does not value marriage. You have colluded in denying your husband affection and are busy in destroying two marriages for the sake of a fantasy.

 

Are you up to honesty?

[woinlove]

Keeping your child's future in mind I would say your best options are either to divorce or to commit to your marriage and see if your husband is willing to do the same. Sounds like your marriage was not in great shape before your got emotionally involved with this other MM, and it has already deteriorated significantly if you no longer feel like having sex with your husband because of the other MM. You have a lot of work ahead of you just to repair the current damage and solve earlier problems.

 

If you divorce, you can still be honest with your husband at this point, basically telling him what you told us, and that you think your problems are not solvable and it would be best to divorce before you become physically involved with someone else. With some effort and compassion on your part, it might still be an amicable divorce. However, if you start a full-blown affair with your colleague, neighbour and relative (wow!) that will almost certainly blow up in your face, doing a lot of damage to your spouses and young children. Even during the time you two manage to keep this secret from both your spouses (and other colleagues, neighbours and relatives!) you can already see the increasing damage it will do to your marriages. This will cause additional stress at home and affect your young children, even before the blowup of discovery by one or the other of your spouses.

 

Please try to think of your child. Children need a sane parent, not ones completely wrapped up in their own agony/deception/etc. While two parents married to each other can be a big benefit (if the marriage works well) it is not essential. Two divorced parents who get along and act in the best interests of the child can provide a perfectly good upbringing.

 

Divorce or commit to your marriage. The choice is yours. But don't risk harming your child's happiness and security, by choosing a deceitful lifestyle.

[Nysa]

Hey woinlove, I take your advice partially. If I cut my affair, I gonna feel lonely and sad again. I cannot divorce my husband either. I love my child a lot and really don't want to spoil her life. At the same time, I feel a bit reluctant to bid goodbye to the other MM. I still unable to make out a decision.

 

Keeping your child's future in mind I would say your best options are either to divorce or to commit to your marriage and see if your husband is willing to do the same. Sounds like your marriage was not in great shape before your got emotionally involved with this other MM, and it has already deteriorated significantly if you no longer feel like having sex with your husband because of the other MM. You have a lot of work ahead of you just to repair the current damage and solve earlier problems.

 

If you divorce, you can still be honest with your husband at this point, basically telling him what you told us, and that you think your problems are not solvable and it would be best to divorce before you become physically involved with someone else. With some effort and compassion on your part, it might still be an amicable divorce. However, if you start a full-blown affair with your colleague, neighbour and relative (wow!) that will almost certainly blow up in your face, doing a lot of damage to your spouses and young children. Even during the time you two manage to keep this secret from both your spouses (and other colleagues, neighbours and relatives!) you can already see the increasing damage it will do to your marriages. This will cause additional stress at home and affect your young children, even before the blowup of discovery by one or the other of your spouses.

 

Please try to think of your child. Children need a sane parent, not ones completely wrapped up in their own agony/deception/etc. While two parents married to each other can be a big benefit (if the marriage works well) it is not essential. Two divorced parents who get along and act in the best interests of the child can provide a perfectly good upbringing.

 

Divorce or commit to your marriage. The choice is yours. But don't risk harming your child's happiness and security, by choosing a deceitful lifestyle.

[Carrot2000]

Is your fear of ruining your child's life what keeps you from divorcing your husband?

[FanFan]

I have been married for four years, with a baby gal who is 2 years little. I constantly have quarrels with my husband and I don't find him mentally compatible. He has hurted me so much in life. I always feel like divorcing but did not do that, keeping my child's future in mind. However, we managed to be very happy on bed.

 

Recently, I have developed an emotional affair with a married man, who is my collegue, neighbor as well as relative. He has a baby gal who is 2.5 years little. He has impressed me a lot. He told me that he is not sexually satisfied with his wife and wants me to have a long-term sex affair with him. It is not just for sex, he also loves me genuinely. I am also happy to do it, but something in me says that it is unethical and I will be punished by God.

 

Nowadays, because of my emotional affair, I lost sexual interest in my husband.

 

If I get into this affair, he will be sexually satisfied and feel very happy in life. I also will have someone to share my emotional feelings with and I will also turn to be very happy in life. But, if both of our partners get to know about us someday, both will be hurted a lot. We don't want to hurt them also.

 

Shall I get into the relationship? Please share your opinions.

 

What state are you from? :laugh:

[whichwayisup]

Why can't you either talk to your husband, tell him how unhappy you are, fix the marriage, or divorce or see if he'll want an open marriage? Don't have an affair, with your neighbour/relative.

[NoLongerSad]

No, it would not be unethical for your husband to cheat on you.

[Darth Vader]

No, it would not be unethical for your husband to cheat on you.

 

 

Agreed. NO, Don't cheat. Have you thought about telling your husband about the temptation you are facing of having sex with another man? You and your husband need to go to Marriage Counseling to find out what's missing in your marriage. Your husband may think everything's fine, but, doesn't realize that something's missing.

[wicar1]

It's obvious the OM just wants to sneak into your. Sleeping with him for Emotional needs, is just a f**** excuse for you to f*** a new guy. If you find any problems with your H, talk to him or get a divorce for f*** sake. You are being selfish. If you really think about your daughter you would have talked to your H by now. So I think you havent considered your daughter at all.

Edited November 25, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[kuma]

If I get into this affair, he will be sexually satisfied and feel very happy in life. I also will have someone to share my emotional feelings with and I will also turn to be very happy in life.

 

I doubt you'll be happy. Because you'll get attached to your MM. You'll be more miserable in the marriage. Of course he wants to impress you, he wants sex.

[2long]

"Is it Unethical to have an Extramarital Affair? "

 

Is a duck's butt waterproof?

 

-ol' 2long

[OWoman]

"Is it Unethical to have an Extramarital Affair? "

 

Only if it's with a patient, a student, or a client (or someone else specified in the code of ethics of your profession, or theirs).

 

Whether or not it's immoral depends on your own personal moral code.

[wheelwright]

Only if it's with a patient, a student, or a client (or someone else specified in the code of ethics of your profession, or theirs).

 

Whether or not it's immoral depends on your own personal moral code.

 

Absolutely.

 

And should the OP be real this is what she needs to check in with.

 

For me personally, an A is only worth it if you need change in your current R and it isn't moving, or if you fall in love.

 

But I know people who have done it for intimacy and/or sex and are very happy with their moral choice.

 

What do you think? You have to answer really.

[fooled once]

I will never understand why people think an affair is better than a divorce.

 

In my view, yes, an affair is unethical. It is also immoral and wrong. It is the 'easy' way out of a difficult situation. It is the cowards way of handling things. It is selfish and self centered.

 

is it okay when your daughter grows up and marries for her husband to have an affair? Would that be okay?

 

Don't be a coward or a cheater. If your marriage is unhappy - fix it or divorce.

 

Don't be one of those that lies, cheats, deceives and betrays their spouse.

[wheelwright]

cChanged my mind. Because I can't see my point in your eyes.

Edited November 23, 2010 by wheelwright

[2long]

Adj. 1. unethical - not conforming to approved standards of social or professional behavior; "unethical business practices"

wrong - contrary to conscience or morality or law; "it is wrong for the rich to take advantage of the poor"; "cheating is wrong"; "it is wrong to lie"

ethical - conforming to accepted standards of social or professional behavior; "an ethical lawyer"; "ethical medical practice"; "an ethical problem"; "had no ethical objection to drinking"; "Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants"- Omar N. Bradley

 

So, it's unethical.

 

And a duck's butt is still waterproof.

 

-ol' 2long

[datura_noir]

In answer to your question-yes, in some cases.

 

I personally, do not want to drift in and out of relationships every 10 or so years. It does nothing for me. Getting married (or committing to a LTR) signifies that you are done doing the dating thing. If you no longer feel atached to your spouse, that is probably YOUR doing and you need to address that.

 

I have a really hard time beleiving it when I hear "I have BEGGED my W/H to change, or get counseling, but they refuse!" To me begging implies getting on one's knees and pleading constantly. That is begging. Asking passive questions about the direction of one's relationship from time to time is not begging.(Not saying OP didn't BEG, just noting the true definition).

[JAGeezer]

I have been married for four years, with a baby gal who is 2 years little. I constantly have quarrels with my husband and I don't find him mentally compatible. He has hurted me so much in life. I always feel like divorcing but did not do that, keeping my child's future in mind. However, we managed to be very happy on bed.

 

Recently, I have developed an emotional affair with a married man, who is my collegue, neighbor as well as relative. He has a baby gal who is 2.5 years little. He has impressed me a lot. He told me that he is not sexually satisfied with his wife and wants me to have a long-term sex affair with him. It is not just for sex, he also loves me genuinely. I am also happy to do it, but something in me says that it is unethical and I will be punished by God.

 

Nowadays, because of my emotional affair, I lost sexual interest in my husband.

 

If I get into this affair, he will be sexually satisfied and feel very happy in life. I also will have someone to share my emotional feelings with and I will also turn to be very happy in life. But, if both of our partners get to know about us someday, both will be hurted a lot. We don't want to hurt them also.

 

Shall I get into the relationship? Please share your opinions.

 

Is this a trick question? Certain things are wrong, always and without exception. Like murder, rape, and molesting children, this would be one of them. If you want another man, get a divorce. If you don't want a divorce, then suck it up and keep to your marriage vows. They're called vows for a reason.

 

JAG

[Untouchable_Fire]

Hey woinlove, I take your advice partially. If I cut my affair, I gonna feel lonely and sad again. I cannot divorce my husband either. I love my child a lot and really don't want to spoil her life. At the same time, I feel a bit reluctant to bid goodbye to the other MM. I still unable to make out a decision.

 

If you engage in a long term affair you will get caught... then you will get divorced. Your child will be older then and have to deal with the the bullcrap and fallout from your cheating.

 

You want the married guy... Great! Get divorced and has Mr. SexuallyUnsatisfied to do the same.

 

Or is it maybe your just sticking to the marriage for money reasons?

[Joe Normal]

Hey woinlove, I take your advice partially. If I cut my affair, I gonna feel lonely and sad again. I cannot divorce my husband either. I love my child a lot and really don't want to spoil her life. At the same time, I feel a bit reluctant to bid goodbye to the other MM. I still unable to make out a decision.

 

This is easy - if your husband met a married woman he found attractive, would you be happy if he went ahead and had a long-term sexual affair with her, and fell in love with her, and stopped loving you and sleeping with you because of this?

 

If this doesn't convince you, then imagine your husband divorcing you, taking the kids, and posting all over the internet what a cheating whore you were - emailing all your friends, family, work colleagues and telling them that you bounced up and down on a married man's penis for years on end despite having a husband and a family to care for. I'm sure that will do wonders for your reputation and station in life.

[Woman In Blue]

I have been married for four years, with a baby gal who is 2 years little. I constantly have quarrels with my husband and I don't find him mentally compatible. He has hurted me so much in life. I always feel like divorcing but did not do that, keeping my child's future in mind. However, we managed to be very happy on bed.

So you've known for years that you're not "mentally compatible" with your husband, and you turn around and have a kid with him? Smart move.

 

Recently, I have developed an emotional affair with a married man, who is my collegue, neighbor as well as relative.

Oh goody - a blood relative, or a relative by marriage? AND he lives close by? Sounds hot.

 

He told me that he is not sexually satisfied with his wife and wants me to have a long-term sex affair with him. It is not just for sex, he also loves me genuinely.

LOL. He's looking for SEX because he's "not sexually satisfied at home," and has asked you to have a longterm SEX AFFAIR with him - then as an afterthought, he throws in the "I love you" cheater's mantra? LMAO. Yeah, ok. Then it must be so.

 

If I get into this affair, he will be sexually satisfied and feel very happy in life.

LOL, of course he will. He's looking to get laid without wifey knowing about it, and you're more than willing to give him that. It's win/win.

 

I also will have someone to share my emotional feelings with and I will also turn to be very happy in life.

You're looking for emotional fulfillment. He's just looking to get laid. But he'll probably tell you anything you want to hear, as long as you're willing to provide the sex.

 

But, if both of our partners get to know about us someday, both will be hurted a lot. We don't want to hurt them also.

Yes, they'll be hurted. So will the rest of the family, since you're related and all. But it seems you're both willing to take that chance - until you DO get caught and the sh*it hits the fan. Then the guy will be telling his wife that you're a psycho, you MADE him have sex with you, and you're the WORST mistake he's ever made in his entire life. Ahhh, true love. Is there anything finer?

 

Shall I get into the relationship? Please share your opinions.

Like you're really going to listen to what a bunch of strangers on an internet board advise you? OK, I'll play. For starters, STOP breeding with a man you claim you're NOT mentally compatible with, and has "hurt you SO much in life," for starters. You claim you don't want to divorce him "for the sake of your child," yet you make him out to be an abusive monster. So why would you want your kid around someone so horrible anyway? I'm getting the feeling it's because you don't want to give up your SECURITY with your husband, not because you're so concerned with your kid not having an abusive daddy.

 

But golly, it sounded nice.