Woggle Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 A friend of mine just emailed me a picture of my ex from about a week ago and it actually made me sad. She damn near looks like she is 50 and you can tell she is on her last legs. When I look in her eyes I can tell there is no life left. Despite everything she has put me through I feel nothing but pity and sadness for her anymore because there is no way she is happy. The level of self destruction she has put herself through is unbelievable. Also before anybody asks I will not post her pic because despite everything I have more class than that.
Surrealist Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 No I do not think you are weird at all. I'm not totally privvy to what your relationship went through though I think I recall she cheated on you? Either way you were married to her for a long time (correct me if I'm wrong there) so, to me at least, you'd naturally feel sorry and sad for someone who was once close to you if she looks like death is knocking on her door.
hearttobreak Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I'm kinda in the same boat. On one hand, I cannot stand her. On the other, I pity her for what life has put her through. I still believe NC is the way to go. I tried reaching out her once, she wanted nothing to do with me. Therefore, I washed my hands of her. She's a train wreck, and it seems nothing is going to stop this locomotive from complete destruction; albeit in a very slow day by day way. I think you should also stand down and let it be. NC as far as the eye can see.
Author Woggle Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 I'm kinda in the same boat. On one hand, I cannot stand her. On the other, I pity her for what life has put her through. I still believe NC is the way to go. I tried reaching out her once, she wanted nothing to do with me. Therefore, I washed my hands of her. She's a train wreck, and it seems nothing is going to stop this locomotive from complete destruction; albeit in a very slow day by day way. I think you should also stand down and let it be. NC as far as the eye can see. I have yet to actually see her since 2006 but we have mutual friends and one of them emailed a picture that just shocked me. I honestly think that a few years in prison will be good for and I don't say that out of spite. It is the only thing that can stop this trainwreck. I am starting to finally realize that everything she put me through was never personal or done out of spite against me. She is a ticking bomb that destroys everything that gets close to her.
ice salamander Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 It shows you're just human. There's nothing wrong with feeling pity for your ex.
thatsonlyme Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I feel sympathy for my ex as well. I'm actually helping her now because she's going through a very rough period. It's probably stupid and I'm not sure if she'll ever fully appreciate it but I don't really care.
Author Woggle Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 I doubt I will ever help her but I realize that the person she has hurt the most is herself.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I still occasionally look at whatever new picture my ex has on his Facebook, and I always feel sorry for him. He's gained a lot of weight and just looks empty. He wasn't the nutjob it sounds like your ex was, but he definitely had some problems, and I think they are getting more visible from the outside as he ages.
Author Woggle Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 This is more than just gaining some weight. She looks like a junkie from skid row who has been doing drugs for decades. Courtney Love and Amy Winehouse look clean and polished compared to how she looked in this latest pic. I can't figure out why a person would do that to themselves.
Mad Max Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 It just shows that you're human and not a sociopath. Your ex did all this to herself and she's paying for it dearly.
stamfordman Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 It is called KARMA. Eventually, all people will have it come around and smack them upside the head. I count the days when my ex will feel the way I do. I count the days.
TouchedByViolet Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Weird? No, you are most definitely behaving human. Also, the feeling is not limited to ex's. I have seen aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. play terrible roles in there family's creating much frustration. These negative people are often powerful, or at least play their role as being powerful. Its like when you think you will never be free of someone or they will never stop bothering you till the day you die... When all of a sudden they are seen as weak, feeble, old, its a shock to the system. How can a person go from all powerful ******* to a struggling weakling? Someone who could cause so much difficulty and someone you thought you would never get ride of is asking your help grocery shopping, moving an object, making it up the stairs, other simple tasks... It is a strange world.
stamfordman Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Weird? No, you are most definitely behaving human. Also, the feeling is not limited to ex's. I have seen aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. play terrible roles in there family's creating much frustration. These negative people are often powerful, or at least play their role as being powerful. Its like when you think you will never be free of someone or they will never stop bothering you till the day you die... When all of a sudden they are seen as weak, feeble, old, its a shock to the system. How can a person go from all powerful ******* to a struggling weakling? Someone who could cause so much difficulty and someone you thought you would never get ride of is asking your help grocery shopping, moving an object, making it up the stairs, other simple tasks... It is a strange world. So true. My ex's mother, I know, helped to kill the relationship and turn her against me telling her these lies about me. Why would a mother do this to her daughter is beyond me.
threebyfate Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I have yet to actually see her since 2006 but we have mutual friends and one of them emailed a picture that just shocked me. I honestly think that a few years in prison will be good for and I don't say that out of spite. It is the only thing that can stop this trainwreck. I am starting to finally realize that everything she put me through was never personal or done out of spite against me. She is a ticking bomb that destroys everything that gets close to her.Yes, the time behind bars will hopefully help her detox and go through withdrawal. They'll be used to handling this situation in prison. Beyond that, good for you for letting it go. The bolded is so true! It was the same with the ex-husband. His actions hurt me but it was never his intent. As a man with NPD, without help, he was also a ticking time bomb but not as badly as your ex.
hoping2heal Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 A friend of mine just emailed me a picture of my ex from about a week ago and it actually made me sad. She damn near looks like she is 50 and you can tell she is on her last legs. When I look in her eyes I can tell there is no life left. Despite everything she has put me through I feel nothing but pity and sadness for her anymore because there is no way she is happy. The level of self destruction she has put herself through is unbelievable. Also before anybody asks I will not post her pic because despite everything I have more class than that. I would feel sympathy for an ex,or even an enemy in the same situation. That really is sad. I don't have any bad feelings towards any exes. The most recent one I owe a big thank you too. Had he of held on, I would of had my head so far up my ass and continued on the same path I had been on. I would not have met such a wonderful and much better suited partner as I've had the last couple of years and relationships aside; Aggggh it's scary to think where I'd be. So, thanks Ex for the big favor!
e.clipse Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 That's wonderful Woggle. i agree with this. (ps: Hi Ariadne!) Wogs, having sympathy for someone who clearly is experiencing a bad moment in life is not weird. it's true that what she is going through now is all self-induced and that, considering all of the horrible, horrible things she put you through, it would be easy to think that "that is what she deserves." but to hear you say you feel sorry for the way her life has turned out shows immense character growth on your behalf. i, personally, am glad that you are able to sympathize with her instead of hating her, not because of her, per se, because of what that entails about you. regarding her, it is sad to seem someone destroy themselves. it always is.
Author Woggle Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 So true. My ex's mother, I know, helped to kill the relationship and turn her against me telling her these lies about me. Why would a mother do this to her daughter is beyond me. Both her mother and my mother helped to turn her against me. I wish they would realize that while they cheer her on and act like she is some strong woman that they are actually helping her kill herself. If that were my kid I would have forced them into rehab by now and if that didn't work I would commit them. Jail might straighten her out if she survives it but with her mouth and attitude she will get eaten alive in there when she comes face to face with some real tough girls.
dreamingoftigers Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 The first marital counselor that we went to see said this to me "he is not pissing on you, he is pissing on himself and you got caught in the spray." Guess the only thing that you can do when married to someone like this is to back out of the "line of fire." It doesn't make it any less weird or heartbreaking to watch someone constantly "piss on" themselves.
LittleTiger Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Feeling sympathy for your ex means you have a kind and generous spirit. Very few people are able to rise above their bad experiences with exes in this way. Be proud of yourself Woggle.
quankanne Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 to hear you say you feel sorry for the way her life has turned out shows immense character growth on your behalf and, I might add, it's proof that the loving relationship you have now with your wife is helping you heal to a point where you've moved past the pain inflicted by your ex and growing into the man you *really* are, not a remaining battle-scarred person. I'm really proud of you, Wogs
BackUpOrGetStung Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Come on dude, you can't bait us like that. Post the damn picture.
whichwayisup Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I have to ask, why on earth is your friend emailing you pictures of your exwife? Even more so considering the history with your ex. Tell your friend(s) that you don't want to know what your ex is doing and that you've moved on. See how it's affected you now? Your ex shouldn't even BE in your mind anymore, even more so since you have re-married. It is good that you have sympathy for her, shows that you have compassion.
curlygirl40 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Nope not weird at all. It shows compassion and character. Feel it, and feel it deeply, and then move on.
sumdude Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 (edited) It's good Woggle. It means you've finally forgiven her. She didn't know any better, didn't know any other way to be. Glad I saw this because it helped me. I imagined finding out that my ex wife who I haven't heard nor seen for two years was in really bad shape for some reason. I realized that I was still carrying a bit of the anger but it melted away because I realized the she's in more pain that I ever was. I didn't make me feel better about myself just compassion and empathy. My ex wasn't quite as extreme as yours but she had some serious emotional/psychological issues. thanks Edited November 22, 2010 by sumdude
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