jonesy11 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Have been seeing this girl for a little while. We met on a dating website. Things have been going really well but then a couple of weeks ago, she all of a sudden said she "wanted to go slow" but that she "should then be ok". Apparently she was worried the relationship was developing in a similar way to a previous one of hers, where her ex likened his paying for dinner as payment for 'something else' (yes, the guy was a moron). I immediately indicated that was not my intention and that I was not that sort of guy. And I made it clear that the 'go slow' thing was fine with me. So all good. Since then we have spent some time together, and when we watch movies or tv, she'll comfortably snuggle up next to me. But we certainly haven't made out as much as we did. I haven't pushed her into anything but wanted to still show some affection (i.e. occasional friendly touch on the arm or leg) but wary of not pushing her. We still kiss when we greet and leave and she hasn't been backward in that regard, so a good sign. She is very busy working two jobs present and this eats into her weekend usually. We don't get the chance to chat on the phone too often due to the nature of her job so email and sms usually work fine (and she is fine with it). As such, in the past week she hasn't been able to catch up (I suggested lunch or possibly catching up this weekend) but she said was going to be too busy. None of this appeared evasive given what I know about demands on her time. And when I responded saying no problems and let's keep in touch, she responded straight away, but didn't indicate when she would be free next. She usually doesn't indicate as much in her responses but we've always ended up seeing each other once or twice per week. Now, the issue. I jumped onto the online dating website yesterday and noticed that she was actually on there. We haven't had the 'exclusive' chat as yet and as such she has every right to see other guys, but I am just a bit worried she has freaked out, gone cold and is convinced I am like her ex, which is not the case? Given I've contacted her a couple of times to try and line up a meeting in the past week, my female friends suggested giving her some space (in line with the 'go slow' approach and letting her get in touch next. Is this the right strategy? She hasn't indicated point blank that she isn't interested in me anymore, so a little confused!
CLS63AMG Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 She's flaking because she's not sure yet...dont say anything about the date site stuff yet, just push for more dates. There is also an underlining issue here as well, that probably carves deeper than the ex stuff she brought up. Your job is to make it 10 dates with her....prepare for a bumpy ride, or dump now. Its not going to be easy...and when shes on the site make sure you are too..even if you just leave the computer on all day. Push-pull in affect.
Author jonesy11 Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 What other issue could it be? Something I've done?
twinrexes Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Sounds like she's afraid to get close and if she feels things are going too fast or there's any pressure in the relationship she's going to make tracks. Like jonesy11 said, there's a push-pull dynamic that goes on here, and right now she's pushing you away so you have to give her a reason to want to pull you back in. If she's interested, she will. So maybe let a couple of weeks go buy without calling her, then contact her as if nothing is unusual and say you've been really busy yourself. Two can play the busy game (people who fear commitment often bury themselves in their work, by the way). 8 out of 10 women chase after closeness, and the other two run from it (opposite statistics for men) and you've got yourself a runner. If things do work out, be prepared to give her plenty of space when she needs it (ask me how I know, lol). Good luck!
sugarmomma Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 She's not that into you. I would abort the mission if I were in this situation. When a woman is interested she wants to spend time with you. Whenever the word "busy" comes up, BEWARE.
Author jonesy11 Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 Hmmm, all interesting points. Thanks everyone. What if I added that in her response about being unavailable for a few days, she was pretty descriptive about what she had happening on, and said that it would be like this for a little while, as opposed to just saying she was outright "busy"??
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