BachMFD650 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 To start off, Hello my name is Bach, 22, I am in the Army Reserve, Volunteer Fire Fighter... anyways.... I met a girl a couple of weeks ago, we have hung out a few times, heck, the first weekend we went out she asked me to stay at her house overnight.... all WEEKEND... wrapped in each others arms.... so now here is my long question... I love spending time with her, we get along great, (so far), she loves the way i am (even my pierced nips.. she gives me "that look" when she looks at them.... yes i know i went too far but most girls dont like that for some reason)... we kiss here and there... Text each other everyday... her mom told her I am very cute, and present myself with manners (thank you Army!) and her mother basically told her she should try to get with me. Thing is, she (this girl) seems, oh i don't know.... tense i guess... i mean we kiss, cuddle in bed, but seems like she doesnt wan't to move on? I KNOW for a fact she is waiting for me to make the first move on this.... I can tell by her body language.... So when would be the right time to tell her I would like to be in a relationship with her? How would I tell her (i'm not good at this BTW) and also, I have read that telling them too early can scare women off.... so... Now I am stumped... haha.... (PS: I got out of a very bad relationship coming back from deployment 14 months ago, so I am kind of hesitant) Thanks for any input!
Sabali Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Say nothing. Continue to date her and if you continue to play your cards right you should find yourself in a relationship. Say nothing. Just date.
Author BachMFD650 Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 right i understand that.... i mean granted you don't know her, but does it seem like it is going good? i mean, i feel like i'm falling kind of hard for her... and actually not seeing her this week I did kind of miss her, and she asked if i did... i gave her my honest opinion... but then i asked her the same.... and she said "kind of" with a wink face.... I'm all about dating her... I personally would love to be in a relationship... but how do I know if she is ready? I'm not into the whole High school drama asking her friends to find out for me... i want to find out for myself...
Sabali Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 actually not seeing her this week I did kind of miss her, and she asked if i did.. i gave her my honest opinion... but then i asked her the same.... and she said "kind of" with a wink face.... Be careful. I can tell that you talk too much. Don't. Keep your "honest opinions" to yourself for now. I'm all about dating her... I personally would love to be in a relationship... but how do I know if she is ready? I'm not into the whole High school drama asking her friends to find out for me... i want to find out for myself... A good way to get in a relationship is to date. You are doing that. Just date her and while doing so, you will be on your way to enjoying the benefits of a relationship. You are thinking about this too much. It's only been a couple of weeks. You are moving way too fast! Get off of that rocket ship. You hardly even know this woman. Correction... you don't know this woman! I want to be clear here because the inquiries you are making shows the mindset you are in currently while pursuing this woman. If you keep this mindset, she will only walk off with your Commander-in-Chief. Yes, she is going to walk off with Obama. Seriously, you are going to show neediness, anxiety, and insecurity and she will not want you. Relax. Take a deep breath and don't be concerned with her becoming your girlfriend right now. After a couple of weeks, she hasn't nearly qualified for this title. Just keep dating and don't smother her. Don't turn into Romeo. I am afraid that you may write and send poetry to her so I am also going to ask you now to not do that as well. Okay, f*** it! Red alert. I am sounding off the red alert here because you are being swept up too fast. Change your mindset. Admit it right now that you don't know this woman at all. Realize that it takes a lot of time to get to know a person and that you are no where near the time it takes to know a person or to allow them to become your girlfriend. Patience, my friend. Patience.
Author BachMFD650 Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 thank you.... now, as far as talking.... we dont do much. usually it's a hey good morning... OMG LOL A**hat drivers, work is going so slow, and usually she msg's me first... other then that, we talk ALOT while we go out our relax at her house.... lol thank you for the input... now, next time i see her i am going to ask her if she wants to go see the sweet lights in Hershey... ofcourse after this week with it being Thanks Giving and i have court hearing and job interviews....
twinrexes Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Keep dating her and be your sweet, charming self but never show her all your cards. It will take all the mystery out of it for her. If you're totally open and totally predictable, she won't think you're a challenge. Sounds silly and I wish we didn't have to be that way, but it's human nature to want to have to "win the prize", not just have it handed over on a silver platter. You're the prize. Let her work a little bit to draw you out instead of offering yourself up lock, stock and barrel.
skydiveaddict Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 (PS: I got out of a very bad relationship coming back from deployment 14 months ago, so I am kind of hesitant) Thanks for any input! Good Lord, it's the same with me. (only I thought it was a good relationship), after a 12 month deployment, when I got back, she simply wasn't there. I am hesitant myself.
beatlejuice Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I'm of a much different mindset than the other answers...maybe it's just me? maybe not? but I'm a woman so here goes. We don't like to wait around & wonder if you're really into us or not. Or if you're seeing someone else. Or not wanting an actual relationship, etc. The wondering is turmoil, and that's not just me...my friends have all said the same thing. We want to know. If you've got a good thing going, why not cement it & make it official? It is hard to bring up, I know, but one way you could go about it is to tell her you like her a lot, you really like being with her, and so on. See what her response is. Talk about goals (maybe not necessarily on this same occasion, just see what feels right) and tell her you're looking for a relationship, for a girlfriend. And then if it feels like she reciprocates what you feel, ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. Don't worry about seeming needy. I don't get that vibe if a guy wants exclusivity early on at all, on the contrary, I see it as a good thing. I'm only put-off if a guy is scary persistant, comes on way too strong...but wanting to be my man if we like each other? Not a bad thing at all.
Author BachMFD650 Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 well tonight was a good night! We wanted to go to the firehouse that i run active with to go watch the Eagles/Giants game... unfortunatly, they were closed... so I ended up at her house... and we sat and talked, then she wanted to go to bed and asked if i would stay until she fell asleep... so i played with her hair, ran my fingers along her arm to help her fall asleep because she has to get up for four AM.... THEN, of all things, i get out of bed, the floor creeks... great, she is up now... she asked if i was leaving and i told her she had to get up early so did i.... so i leaned in for a kiss, and she did the same... so things seem to be going great!
Author BachMFD650 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 yet another great night! I was bar tending at our Fire House, she stopped in to visit. Unfortunately, it was our wing night, and between bar tending and cooking, i was very busy... she was tired after a long day of work... so she went to leave... i noticed her walking out to the parking lot, so i ran out quick after her, and asked why she left so quick.... then i went in for the kiss, in the middle of the parking lot. She then asked me what time i was done, and invited me to her place. So sitting there talking, i asked her what she had thought about earlier. Low and behold, she never expected it, and was shocked... SCORE! So things are going great, and she brought up the idea of going ice skating and to see a movie Saturday. Can't wait for this weekend!
Author BachMFD650 Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 Thanks everyone for your help so far!!
twinrexes Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Bach, I can tell by your posts that you are a really kind, considerate guy and I'm cheering for you because it sounds like she's a sweet girl and you two are making a good connection. You did mention that when you get close she gets tense. So maybe she has a hard time relaxing physically or opening up sexually or is inexperienced. Whatever the reason you're doing the right thing by taking things slow and not pressuring her. I love how you stroked her arm to help her fall asleep and then got up to go. Now, if you had tried to push a little farther to the point where she'd had to ask you to stop, she'd never had gotten out of bed to ask why you were leaving or offered you that kiss. She chased you a little bit because you gave her the space to do that. Good for you! Keep doing what you're doing. Make advances, but back off when you feel any tension (and you seem pretty good at sensing that). As she gets more comfortable and sees she can trust you, I'm willing to bet she'll begin to relax and feel ready for a deeper connection.
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