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This guy is so reserved...

wondergirl_6

By wondergirl_6,
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wondergirl_6

wondergirl_6

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So today I went to dinner and movie with this British, date 3. First two dates we spent 9 and 6 hours together, today we spent again 6 hours together. He asked for a 4th date after he walked me back home.

 

At this point I'd expect at least a little bit physical itimacy, such as touching arms, back, etc, if not at least some compliment like "you look nice today", "I had a great time with you today". I didn't even dare to think of holding hands or kiss, this guy is so reserved...he's so reserved that I felt uncomfortable to make a move myself:< For instance today at the cinema, we were the only people in the whole room at the beginning and he actually sat in the part of the chair that's far from me with his hands in between his knees!

 

Now I somehow wonder if he's even attracted physically:confused: Opinions?

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crosswordfiend

crosswordfiend

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He sounds like he is interested enough to keep asking you out but too shy to initiate physical contact. How are you holding up your part of the bargain? What are you doing to give him signals of encouragement?

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musemaj11

musemaj11

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He is not physically attracted to you. He obviously thinks you are so ugly.

 

 

 

 

 

Isnt that the dramatic response you wanna hear? Happy now?

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Jannah

Jannah

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Here we go again

 

How many times over and over are these threads going to pop up?

 

Women b*tch and whine and moan how they pray to find a guy that isnt just out for just a physical relationship

 

But the instant a guy keeps his hands to himself, she flips out, disregarding him as a potential mate, ruining any chance of chemistry simply because he wont make a move within the time frame in the females mind.

 

Guys are always wrong no matter what the F*CK we do.

 

We are wrong if we make a move we are wrong if we dont make a move

 

This guy is being questioned only because the OP is comparing him to other guys she has experience with.

 

Its crap like this that pisses guys off about the whole dating scene

 

Why are you blabbering? She is not sure whether or not the man is interested in her physically.... You do realize that most people enjoy the feeling of dating someone when there is a mutual attraction.

 

So, stop whining. :laugh:

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BobSacamento

BobSacamento

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Do most women complain that guys just want sex?

 

YES

 

This board is littered with stories from women, wondering what to do, when they go out with a guy and he doesnt make a move on her.

 

Women base TOO much on the physical part of the situation, alas the same exact thing they b*tch about when talking about guys.

 

Its a double standard!

 

Everything that women say they want in a guy, their actions contradict it.

 

Sometimes making a move isn't about sex. Sometimes it is to let them know you find them attractive.

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wondergirl_6

wondergirl_6

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^I think you consider "women" as one person who has double standard, in fact just like men, women are all different.

 

When I posted I was wondering if a guy who's very reserved after three long dates was physically attracted by me, I didn't mean I couldn't wait to sleep with him. He's the only guy I've ever dated who after three good dates still didn't show any affection (physcially and verbally), and I'm confused. That's why I asked the question in the first place. And obviously it's too strange to bring this up on our next date so I'd like to get some outsiders' opinions first.

 

I believe on this board there're women who complain about not getting sex/intimacy after N dates, and there're also women who complain about the guy rushing into things-different women meet different men, and that's what happened then.

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refurb

refurb

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I think crosswordfiend has a point. You don't have to initiate anything, but are you acting like you'd be receptive to it?

 

I dated a girl who gave off a "don't touch me" vibe the whole time during our date. Then she asked why I never made a move. :confused:

 

It's not hard to appear receptive, just do stuff like stand close to him. Touch him when you talk. Most guys will take that as a good sign.

 

RF

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phineas

phineas

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Sometimes making a move isn't about sex. Sometimes it is to let them know you find them attractive.

 

how many guys do YOU know that waste their time on dates with women that they arn't interested in having sex with?

 

as refurb said she is probably not giving off the vibe or standing away from him.

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wondergirl_6

wondergirl_6

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Ok, so I just spent a good 5 minutes to think of "hints" I gave, on purpose or not:

 

1. First date, after spending 9 hours together talking and eating, he walked me back home, offered a kiss (getting close but no hug) on my cheek and I hugged him, not very tight though.

 

2. Second date, he walked me to the tube station and it was really cold that day. I walked pretty close to him and I held my briefcase with another hand so the hand that's close to him was not occupied-then I realized he kept his hands in his coat's pockets...

 

3. Third date, we sat opposite to eachother during dinner, the table was pretty small and I suddenly realized both of us had our hands on the table (left hand holidng right hand) so there's like 10cm between our hands...nothing.

 

4. Third date, he walked me back home going through some crowds, I commented "wow, how comes there's still plenty of people in the street at midnight!" Some of those people were drunk and we had to passed them...again I kept one hand free, nothing.

 

One of the other reasons I wonder if he's truly interested is that he never contacted me between dates, he never called me. I initiated contact once, we texted back and forth a few times but that's it.

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BobSacamento

BobSacamento

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how many guys do YOU know that waste their time on dates with women that they arn't interested in having sex with?

 

as refurb said she is probably not giving off the vibe or standing away from him.

 

Very few. I know many cowards though. I'm saying this guy sounds like coward.

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thatsonlyme

thatsonlyme

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I think it's pretty obvious that he's simply shy and/or inexperienced. Does he appear nervous when around you? There is nothing wrong if you make a first move, establish physical contact and see how he reacts. At least you will know whether he's interested or not.

 

Some girls just have confusing body language and it makes it hard on guys to make a move. My previous ex was like that, we had probably like 7-8 dates before we kissed. I knew she was interested, but somehow I just couldn't find the right moment.

With my last ex though it was a breeze! Even though we were friends for a few months, we hung out together a lot and we never really had "dates" it just sort of happened. She just stood there on the bank, shivered and said she was cold... I came closer and kissed her. Something in the way she said it and the way she stood there gave me confidence to do it, even though it's usually hard when you're friends.

 

My point is, he's probably as confused as you are! Whatever you're doing now is not working, change it! For guys it can be really hard sometimes if the girl sends wrong signals. We don't like being rejected, especially guys who have very little dating experience. I feel a little insecure because I had my last date 9 years ago! Damn those long term relationships, they suck :p

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phineas

phineas

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Very few. I know many cowards though. I'm saying this guy sounds like coward.

 

Doesn't have the balls to make a move?

After 20hrs for 3 dates?

 

It's possible he really is that shy when it comes to women.

I worked with a guy like that.

Very good looking, ripped to shreds, could not look a woman in the eyes when he talked to her.

Even older married co-workers where there was no chance of anything happening.

 

Every time we all went to happy hr women were invading his personal space. But he barely said a word to them. They were climbing into his car at the end of the night telling him they needed a ride.

 

He literally just had to tap it.

 

NEVER made a move on them.

 

After being completely demoralized by this the women were easy game for a less good looking not exactly ripped fellow like myself.

They'd tell me they think he's gay.

 

I'd show them I definitely wasn't.

 

 

If this is the case she needs to make the move.

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waynebrady

waynebrady

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I would never be affectionate or even touch the woman if I am dating one. Not because I wouldn't like it but because I know women don't like intimacy or any sort of physical contact, so out of respect for the woman I wouldn't touch her, ever. Maybe that guy thinks the same way I do, which he should if he is a respectful gentleman :)

Edited by waynebrady
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Mad Max

Mad Max

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I guess some people aren't happy no matter what. If he's reserved, either make a move or let him find someone that will accept him for who he is.

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Cracker Jack

Cracker Jack

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I just think he's shy.

 

If the guy didn't find you attractive, I doubt he would continue to ask you for dates. He's just probably not comfortable making a move just yet. It happens.

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wondergirl_6

wondergirl_6

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So I just talked to an English girl and here's her comment on it:

 

"I think it's more like a class thing, how's his family? (Me: his dad is a professor and his mom is a lawyer.) Yeah, so he's from a middle class family, and I'd say this is pretty normal. People from the lower class tend to move a lot faster, but middle class is more like that. My friend and her boyfriend had physical contacts after dating for 4 months."

 

She even asked me to ask him if he went to "public school" which is a kind of secondary school that's considered the best in England and she said "that will say a lot".

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musemaj11

musemaj11

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So lemme see, you dont wanna have sex with him, yes? But you just want him to want to have sex with you, yes?

 

Selfishness to the core.

 

The guy should move on to a more mature woman.

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refurb

refurb

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Ok, so I just spent a good 5 minutes to think of "hints" I gave, on purpose or not:

 

1. First date, after spending 9 hours together talking and eating, he walked me back home, offered a kiss (getting close but no hug) on my cheek and I hugged him, not very tight though.

 

Wow, that was the most incredibly weak list of "signs" your giving him. I think I see the problem here.

 

You're hands were 10cm apart? So?

 

Did you ever try and touch him? When you were walking did you bump into him? Even those are really weak signs, but it would be 100x better than what you described.

 

I've got friends who are girls who are a LOT more affectionate and physical that what you'd described. I know their not interested. So the question is, why would he think the above are signs he should make a move?

 

As for the guy being a coward, I wouldn't be so sure. If a girl isn't smiling, laughing and generally having a good time, why on earth would you go for a kiss?

 

RF

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