Pokemon Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I read this article in Cosmo and I think it helps. Basically if your head and heart are conflicted, listen to how your body reacts. It talks about how this girl was about to get engaged but when her counselor asked her to envision her future life with her fiance, she burst into tears. That's the answer for her. On the other hand, if you make a decision and keep second-guessing yourself, perhaps you are looking for someone to convince you otherwise. When I think about me and xMM, I feel anxiety, paranoia and negative feelings. When I think about xMM together with his wife and kid, trying to put things together, I feel at peace. That's my answer. How odd is it, 13 months and 7 break ups later, I feel nothing. Day 4 of NC this time, no urge to check his phone records / emails even though I have passwords. Absolutely no desire to be with him. All I think about today is my future without him in it. How I'm going to travel the world and be stellar in my career. I never felt like this the last times we broke up. I always felt I needed to tell him I missed him, etc. This time, it feels like something just clicked. I need 1.5 more weeks alone and I know it's a home run. My only hope is that he doesn't contact me within these 1.5 weeks!
Carrot2000 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Even if he did contact you, I think you'd be able to handle it. :-)
spice4life Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Actually, in my case it was the dynamics of the A that made me feel those negative feelings. When the dynamics are absent (which is hard to do in an A) I didn't feel negative about him at all. It's interesting that you brought this up because I was asking myself that question recently. I realized the the A made it tough to see the positive side of things but when I thought about him without it there were positives about the relationship. It's just hard to see when you are embroiled in the drama of the A. It made sense to me. It doesn't really matter now because it's done, but it is knowledge I will carry with me into the future.
siuys Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 My body was screaming at me – stop this NOW! I couldn't really ignore the anxiety anymore. After several anxiety attacks, I had reached my limit. I knew if I continued in this 'relationship', I would end up in hospital from the emotional stress. I am moving on, although it's hard sometimes as i miss him so much. There were times when I would invent some excuse in my head so that I could text him, but I know I can't. I know that if I did that I would be right back to the pain. I know that if it's meant to be, he will do what he needs to do to be free to be with me. I really doubt it, and don't want to wait, so I get on with my life. All in all I am doing good, but I still think about him a lot, too much really. I hope in time this will reduce and go away. It's only been about 8 or 9 days NC so it's still hard. But at least I can function, work, am back exercising, socialising and not obsessing about this f*cked up R.
OWoman Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Basically if your head and heart are conflicted, listen to how your body reacts. Yep. When faced with the prospect of M to my H - a daunting prospect for someone with my views on M - I went with what my body told me to do. All those gushing hormones, those sodden knickers, that tachycardia - was definitely telling me something... and I'm glad I listened :love:
FightClub Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 (edited) When my EA long-distance friendship/affair with my MW had reached such a strong level of energy/connection and she wanted to step away and bow out gracefully before anything more serious happened, she wanted to see where her M and life could take her, I sent her a thoughtful reply and agreed and yet those feelings she had became stronger, the idea of getting together and hanging out became stronger and we met up and it 'got serious' that night. Looking back at it, I should have had the willpower to help *her* stick to her guns and bow-out gracefully as well, instead of it becoming a full PA. Obviously the EA, the attraction, the emotions, great feelings were all wrapped together. Even though she takes most of the blame, I blame myself for not sticking to the boundaries I should have kept in place instead of lowering them. Who knows what could have happened if we didn't meet up that night, but everything does happen for a reason, good or bad. There is still pain and I do miss talking to my MW ( whom I consider a friend, despite the affair ) but I know she did the best possible thing for herself by making a choice and returning to her marriage, at least they can give it another chance. My life as a single guy, I still have much to do, learn and experience and she as a married woman has much to do to work, fix and heal her marriage. If I did have one moment with her, I'd tell her I'm okay and I'm man enough to walk away from this with the hope she can find some clarity that we did love each other in the end and she deserves a man in her life, whoever that may be in the end. We all make mistakes, it's the learning and evolution taken from this point on that makes us stronger people. -FC Edited November 21, 2010 by FightClub
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