zig Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 So I had this girl stringing me along. I thought we got along great and had many wonderful conversations on the phone. She was just too "busy" and wouldn't make the time to see me. I felt, and along with advice on LS decided to cut her off completely. It's been a week now and I really miss her. I honestly thought she would contact me but hasn't. Now it's taking everything inside me that I have not to contact her. It's like I have this voice in my head that if I contact her and the results are negative it will help me to move on. The whole thing ended rather open ended so I think that's why it's been so hard. So has anyone experienced this too? Where you need the other person to out right tell you to get lost? Am I better off holding on to my dignity and giving this more time or just go back for another beating? I really want to move on but no contact has been really hard. Cheers.
simpleone79 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 NC will be hard in the short run but it will more than pay off in the long run. Stay NC. Stay strong. It will get alot easier as time goes by.
stamfordman Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Yea, the NC thing is hard. No doubt. I broke it off with my gf cause she just had too many issues (medical/emotional/financial) I could no longer handle. She was fine, or so she said, a month or so later. Did she contact me? No. She started sleeping with another guy. As I say, many women are fickle and hard to deal with. Chances are, like with mine, she is no longer interested in you. Move on. It's hard, but just move on. Don't make the mistake like I did and try and contact her a couple months down the road. It will just blow up in your face. Stay strong brother.
phineas Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 She hasn't called you because you figured her out. She knew what she was doing. She was either looking for the ego boost or back-burnered you while she worked other men. If she's online dating she probably had multiple guys to juggle & you didn't make the top of the list.
Titania22 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 So has anyone experienced this too? Where you need the other person to out right tell you to get lost? Am I better off holding on to my dignity and giving this more time or just go back for another beating? I really want to move on but no contact has been really hard. Cheers. I have experienced this. I often find it much easier to completely burn a bridge, then to just fade away. I think if you are compelled to call, despite your better judgement, maybe you just need a few more nails in the coffin to make it stick. Sure it's great to exercise self control and not call, and if you succeed in that, that's fantastic. But if you end up calling, don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe you need to learn the hard way this time, so you will have more self control the next time.
Author zig Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 I have experienced this. I often find it much easier to completely burn a bridge, then to just fade away. I think if you are compelled to call, despite your better judgement, maybe you just need a few more nails in the coffin to make it stick. Sure it's great to exercise self control and not call, and if you succeed in that, that's fantastic. But if you end up calling, don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe you need to learn the hard way this time, so you will have more self control the next time. If I could do it all over again I think I would have burned the bridge. That's what I do in most all my relationships. This time I wanted to try something different and leave the door open for a possible friendship. I just had to let her know I wasn't happy with being led on and wasn't going to let her push me around anymore. (although I didn't say exactly that, I'm sure she got the drift) Now because I didn't burn the bridge here I sit hoping that she'll call lol. And I can't call her because well, we all know that is the worst thing I could do at this point. Wow, I thought no contact was supposed to be easy!
phineas Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 When you are able to figure women out, and see through their BS games, you're dating pool takes a serious hit. Most guys like playing games back and forth with them, but when you are mature and looking for a real relationship, you can expect to be single a long time when you figure them out right from the start. Fine by me. You just need one. I had one playing games. She was too "busy" like Op's. (basically, it progressed to the point where sex was going to happen soon & she obviously was trying to delay that for some reason.) I pretty much told her I had no desire spend hr's on the phone with a woman that is too "busy" to see me. I offered to come over to her place so we could spend time after her kids are in bed & I also offered to spend the night when I don't have my kids in order to accommodate her "busy" schedule. If she blows me off for this I loose her number. I really am ok with that.
hearttobreak Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I've tried to offer friendship after I break up with a girl. However, it never goes over well. If they breakup with you, then they would be up for friendship. Not if you breakup with them. They get very angry and scorned when you end the relationship with them. It is a double standard.
Author zig Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 (edited) I've tried to offer friendship after I break up with a girl. However, it never goes over well. If they breakup with you, then they would be up for friendship. Not if you breakup with them. They get very angry and scorned when you end the relationship with them. It is a double standard. How do you define breakup? We never officially broke up and that's the problem. I'm not sure what this is. We both stopped talking to each other at the same time. Everything was going as usual, I text her and ask if she wants to go out, she can't, I text back, "this isn't working out is it"... she replies, "I'm sorry you feel that way, I thought you understood that it's just because I'm so busy, I know it can be frustrating, I'm sorry." I then said, I liked her and was just feeling confused, we can talk about it later. That's the last we spoke.. not much closure wouldn't you say? That's why I'm thinking I might have to go back for one more phone call. If we mend it well and good, if not then I can burn the bridge. I think the main reason I won't call her is because if I do, and I talk her into giving things another shot I'm still not going to trust her. If she initiates contact that will give me a greater level of trust that she is sincere. It would only take as much as a text message and I'd go with the flow and start talking again. What would you do in this situation?? Edited November 21, 2010 by zig
BobSacamento Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I was in a similar situation a little while ago. However, I never talked for hours on the phone with her I would on talk for a about 15 mins and then arrange the date. We were at that point of sex and it's basically are you in or are you out. Maybe she wanted to wait longer and wasn't ready, maybe she thought I was hideous, who knows. Basically she flaked on me. In the end reaching out to her again would only make things worse. My only suggestion to you, is if you do reach out to her just don't ask her out. She will let you know if she wants to see you again.
phineas Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Usually it's because someone else is in the picture. Someone she likes better but for whatever reason is not available to her at the time. A lot of women I know that I wouldn't date (friend's sisters / my Sister's friend's) consider it "hanging out" when she has more than 1 guy on the line when it's clearly a date. It doesn't become "dating" to them until your the last man standing & she is going to have sex with you. I figured I was last man standing when I got her to actually call our dinner a "date". Guess not.
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