Its official my ex gf of 3 years has a bf. Think Im going to be sick.

[Chance_taker]

Together 3 years with a few ups and downs but overall I loved this girl and saw her in my long term plans. 3 months ago she moves out and doesn't give me a real reason and I was crushed. I didn't stand in her way though and went right into NC. It was the roughest time I have ever gone through. I was 2 months into NC and she would occasionally reach out with nonsense texts and I didn't respond. Well I finally caved after she sent me a text saying she misses me. We met up for lunch and she ended up staying the weekend and we had an amazing time. She did tell me that we could never get back together and this was just us having a little fun like the old times. I was bothered but I didn't let it spoil our fun. Each time she would leave she would tell me she loved me. This went on for a few weeks and I finally had enough of this game and I ignored her for a few days. She then showed up about 2 weeks ago at my door and was upset and said she thinks she made a huge mistake and wanted for us to try again. I was shocked and of course a little reluctant and said I needed to think things over. So the next night we went out I said I think we should start over again and go into this slow if we are to try again. We again had another awesome time out and she stayed the night because she was too drunk to go home. Anyways she leaves the next morning and tells me she loves me and she will call me later that night. I wait and nothing and nothing for the next 2 weeks. I left it in her court and didn't contact her and fast forward to today she calls me finally and I of course answer. Shes very distant and I can tell she has something to tell me. I tell her to just speak whats on her mind. She proceeds to tell me she is officially involved with someone else but she wants us to be friends. I play it cool but of course Im dying inside. I tell her that I hope it works out and I wish them the best and said I was busy and had to go. I feel absolutely gutted over this and I feel just like the day she walked out on me. I was doing well in moving on. I just wish I had never broke NC with this girl. Don't understand why she felt she needed to tell me this especially after she blew me off again. I just don't see how people can hurt those that they are closest to so easily.

[Rap17]

Being at two weeks of NC myself, I too dread the day this will happen, either through her telling me or some mutual friend relaying the info.

 

I believe she told you in person because she feels its the right thing to do, but its also very selfish, because to her its about what she wants, not you. She wants your friendship but probably also unknowingly wants to see how you react to the message. I have been in your shoes once, sitting there praying for my ex to get back together, then she tells me theres a new boyfriend and your entire system just collapses on the inside.

 

Good thing you didnt react like I did back then though. I basically buried her on the spot and told her I could never be friends with her again. Then I went home and got drunk and felt horrible. My advice is to stay clear from her when you meet her, or even worse, see them together. It will only bring pain and heartache.

[Dorian85]

hey chance taker

 

sorry to hear about this. Thats a tough pill to swallow my friend.

 

Sounds to me like she was looking to you to be her temp. What i mean by that is that she was probably in a pretty bad head space after you two broke up. She probably had a lot of mixed feeling (as im sure you did) about the relationship.

 

So she did what most people who break up do. She reached out to you on an emotional level, and you gave in. Its happened to the best of us, so don't feel like you are a wuss or anything. It can be hard saying NO to someone who you've cared so deeply for in the past. Especially when they are basically telling you that they miss you. But nonetheless, what you did was tell her through your actions that you are going to be there to help her pick up her own broken pieces, and not worry about your own broken ones. She basically , in my opinion, used you emotionally. She used the fact that you were someone for whom she felt a sense of security, love, compassion and understanding with. Something familiar to come back to in case things get to "rough". and in her case, they did. So who did she call? You. Because you were always there in the past when you were together. So she used that as a reason to make herself fell better...without giving ANY consideration to your feelings.

 

Yes she may care for you, but its clear through this situation she doesn't care enough about your emotions and how all of this may have affected you.

 

My advice is to NC FOR GOOD this time. Show her that she is out of sight, out of mind. Move on and find a girl who will be straight up with you, and want to be with you no matter what.

 

Good luck.

[Dorian85]

Being at two weeks of NC myself, I too dread the day this will happen, either through her telling me or some mutual friend relaying the info.

 

I believe she told you in person because she feels its the right thing to do, but its also very selfish, because to her its about what she wants, not you. She wants your friendship but probably also unknowingly wants to see how you react to the message. I have been in your shoes once, sitting there praying for my ex to get back together, then she tells me theres a new boyfriend and your entire system just collapses on the inside.

 

Good thing you didnt react like I did back then though. I basically buried her on the spot and told her I could never be friends with her again. Then I went home and got drunk and felt horrible. My advice is to stay clear from her when you meet her, or even worse, see them together. It will only bring pain and heartache.

 

 

 

I agree with Rap as well, she was probably hoping for some sort of reaction from you as well. Weather it was a positive or negative reactions, that would have told her all she needed to know about your current mental state. So props for staying calm and collected and not over-reacting to it. Even tho in private im sure your head is spinning, don't let her know that. As far as she is concerned , you are both moving on. Healthier and hopefully a lot happier.

[bl22]

I tell her that I hope it works out and I wish them the best and said I was busy and had to go.

 

WTF

 

you shouldnt have said that in the slightest, she probs was trying to get with him whilst with you, and now she has no guilt watsoever cause in her mind your ok with her having a new bf now.

 

If i was you i would have said 'youve used me now your with someone else, can we hell be friends, dont contact me again youve shown your true colours'

[Chance_taker]

Being at two weeks of NC myself, I too dread the day this will happen, either through her telling me or some mutual friend relaying the info.

 

I believe she told you in person because she feels its the right thing to do, but its also very selfish, because to her its about what she wants, not you. She wants your friendship but probably also unknowingly wants to see how you react to the message. I have been in your shoes once, sitting there praying for my ex to get back together, then she tells me theres a new boyfriend and your entire system just collapses on the inside.

 

Good thing you didnt react like I did back then though. I basically buried her on the spot and told her I could never be friends with her again. Then I went home and got drunk and felt horrible. My advice is to stay clear from her when you meet her, or even worse, see them together. It will only bring pain and heartache.

I was going to stay NC for good this time because she lost her chance anyways after blowing me off. I didnt think I would feel this awful but because of breaking NC and hanging out with her the past month I of course wanted more than a friendship. Even more than hearing this news, I absolutely dread the day I run into them together. I don't know if I will be able to play it cool because of how this girl has wronged me and proceded to rub it in my face after I was so good to her.

[Chance_taker]

WTF

 

you shouldnt have said that in the slightest, she probs was trying to get with him whilst with you, and now she has no guilt watsoever cause in her mind your ok with her having a new bf now.

 

If i was you i would have said 'youve used me now your with someone else, can we hell be friends, dont contact me again youve shown your true colours'

Trust me I wanted to blast her but all that would have done is give her ego a boost by knowing she got to me. Now if she contacts me again I will tell her to go to hell.

[Dorian85]

I was going to stay NC for good this time because she lost her chance anyways after blowing me off. I didnt think I would feel this awful but because of breaking NC and hanging out with her the past month I of course wanted more than a friendship. Even more than hearing this news, I absolutely dread the day I run into them together. I don't know if I will be able to play it cool because of how this girl has wronged me and proceded to rub it in my face after I was so good to her.

 

Man, the best thing to do if that day ever happens when you meet the 2 of them is this:

 

indifference. Not RUDE indifference, just good ol "Ive moved on with my life and am happy" kind of indifference. Show her that her current situation doesn't bother you in the slightest.

 

If she can see that you have no reaction when you see her with another guy, she will assume that you've moved on...and probably wont contact you when her current relationship ends....but if she does contact you...remember NC!!!! all the way!

[Chance_taker]

Man, the best thing to do if that day ever happens when you meet the 2 of them is this:

 

indifference. Not RUDE indifference, just good ol "Ive moved on with my life and am happy" kind of indifference. Show her that her current situation doesn't bother you in the slightest.

 

If she can see that you have no reaction when you see her with another guy, she will assume that you've moved on...and probably wont contact you when her current relationship ends....but if she does contact you...remember NC!!!! all the way!

Thanks that does make sense. This was absolute closure for me so Im definitely moving on. Im sure this new bf is just a rebound anyways so I expect her to get back in contact with me in the future, but regardless she lost out on something special.

[Dorian85]

Thanks that does make sense. This was absolute closure for me so Im definitely moving on. Im sure this new bf is just a rebound anyways so I expect her to get back in contact with me in the future, but regardless she lost out on something special.

 

Exactly man.

 

Her loss brother. She will probably do the same thing to this guy that she did to you.

 

Good luck man

[soleharmony1123]

I think that over all, Chance_taker, you handled the situation well. There is no need to tell an ex off. They know they're creeps or playing foul when they cheat or slink out of the relationship in search of greener pastures.

 

But, there's a certain dignity that remains with holding your tongue no matter what you might be feeling at the moment, especially when dealing with an ex. As you stated, there is no need to give her an ego boost by giving any indication she upset you.

 

I hope everything works out for you.

 

 

Trust me I wanted to blast her but all that would have done is give her ego a boost by knowing she got to me. Now if she contacts me again I will tell her to go to hell.

[AlisaMarie]

I am in a similar situation except me being the girl but in your same position. I was emotionally used until he found a distraction as well. I had such hopes because when they say "I love you" and "I miss you" those are sure signs that we are going to be back together and happy. In my eyes, they do have these feelings... but it's still over for them. I don't know why the "come back" and confess their love... only to want to be with someone else. It's gross and it hurts. NC forever now.