Mando3604 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I'm having an issue with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs. Actually.. it's been an issue for a long time with no resolution. He and I come from completely different backgrounds and lives. He comes from the perfect life. Grew up in a small town that his parents grew up in. His parents have been married for 30 years and all of their friend's kids are friends with my boyfriend and his friends. They are all very close, etc. I, however, come from a military family, moving around a lot and diseased with divorce. I've moved around a lot so I barely have any friends and it's hard for me to get close to anyone. When I'm around his family, I don't know how to fit in or what to say. They like to drink and I don't drink. They also talk a lot about people they know and experiences and memories they've had, none of which I was a part of or knew of. I try my hardest to contribute to conversation but what can I say about people or things I don't know? If I bring up something that is similar to something they are talking about, it's not listened to.. they just continue on with their discussion. My boyfriend thinks that I'm being unreasonable and not trying but I really am. I have tried but I get shy because I have nothing to contribute to the conversations. This is really getting in the way of our relationship because he's so close to his family but I find myself making excuses not to be around when his family or friends are around so that I don't feel awkward. Not really sure what I can do about this. Any advise? I'm starting to think he'd be better off with someone from his hometown rather than me.
Author Mando3604 Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 Thanks for replying. Well I had a talk with him about the situation and I think he's a little more understanding now. The only thing I can really do is treat them like customers until they become interested in knowing me. I explained to him that it takes me a long time to open up to people because it takes a while for me to get comfortable enough around them to do so. I also explained that just because their his family doesn't mean I'm going to trust them off the bat. Of course I give them the benefit of the doubt but it's not enough for me to spill my guts to them. Plus I doubt they'd like or understand what they would hear if I did so anyway. Baby steps I suppose.
dispatch3d Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Just hang out with the family more you'll get comfortable talking to them eventually. It's about that simple. Don't feel the need to interject in conversation or start a completely new topic (sounds like that's you are doing without realizing it). You can't really start topics about things unrelated to what they usually talk about. Just focus on adding to things, or talking with people after the fact (feel free to be quiet if they are talking in groups, there's a hierarchy in place there). Hope that helps.
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