iOcean Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I want your true opinions on the ins and outs of NC. I, for one, am doing NC to get my ex back. I understand it is to heal and work on myself...but like a few posts that I have read, does it really hurt to try and win them back? I can see when we do things in a shotgun manner ( I am guilty )...but NC can also lead to them moving on further and further. Some girls WANT to be chased...most don't mean what they say because they are so damn emotional. My ex has a history of moving on quick and making shotgun decisions. We were so damn close to marriage...why risk watching her screw up again? I understand you can't change someone's free will...but do you guys know what I am saying? Reminders...nudges...whatever it takes - but is it better than no contact??
WTRanger Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Reminders, nudges, etc all remind her that you are a meek, clingy, and generally unsexy man who apparently can't live his own life without validation from an ex. Given that you are new to LS and yet don't understand what NC is supposed to do, you won't like the responses you get on this thread.
Author iOcean Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 I'm trying to learn about NC. I'm here on LS because I am struggling. Not looking for peeps to tell me what I want to hear...but I would like to hear BOTH sides of the coin.
bl22 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Chase Her = She will run away. Walk Away = She will walk away/come back to you in time. Your choice
thatsonlyme Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 There is no guarantee that she will ever come back, no matter what you do. If you give her some time, at least there is a chance. It all depends on a person and reasons for breakup. I tried a month NC, then another month LC at no avail. I thought we had a good chance because we had no arguments or big issues in our relationship, but the truth is, she fell in love with somebody else and wouldn't even consider getting back with me. I believe NC is great if you want to get her back in short period of time, but in the long run you need to maintain contact and mutual respect if you want to give it another shot years down the road. I'm almost completely healed right now and I'm moving on with my life, but I'm still open to the possibility of us being together sometimes in the future. We had great relationship and mutual respect, I hold no grudges against her and maybe one day, when we both mature enough, we can start all new relationship and be happy together. I'm not waiting for that to happen and if somebody else comes along I will not pass the opportunity, but I'm leaving a possibility open.
aerogurl87 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 (edited) I tried with my ex and failed. Now it's odd because about 1.5 years after our breakup he keeps doing these odd things to get my attention. First it was the random texts and now he just unblocked me on facebook out of the blue. Very odd... Anyway I'd try if I really thought a second chance was worth it. Usually I'm not for giving things another go, but some people just get to you. If it works out, then good, and if not at least you know you tried. EDIT: Bl22 is correct. Chase them and they will leave. A month after my ex and I broke up I begged and cried for him to come back to me. And what did he do? He left me and didn't even care. 6 months of NC later and we were on good terms till I got a bit clingy and demanding. Then I went LC for a month, followed by lots of NC. A few months later and we were LC with me in a new, happy relationship. End result being my ex continues to for one reason or another try and keep tabs on my life. So follow and they will leave, leave and they will follow. Edited November 21, 2010 by aerogurl87
bleeg Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 When me and my ex broke up and I realized how badly I wanted her back at first, I downloaded every e book, read every book, forum, article, etc. I saw that they all had one thing in common. NC. No matter how hard it was, I tried it. It drove me up the walls but I did it and guess what? It worked.
Hhhh Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 It's true some women loved to be chased and crave the attention while you are in pain but these women dont deserve to be chased they should be forgotten because they never truly loved you if they are willing to put the relationship on the line just for the chase
ARISthess Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Like someone mentioned above... it all depends on the reasons that led to the break up. NC is good for many reasons. In my circumstance it helped me cool down. I was able to sit back and see things a little differently. I was also able to do a little bit of self critisizm. Apparantly it also gave her the time to cool down a bit and think things through. After some NC its up to you to make the decision if its worth it to risk failing or is it better just not trying. And to answer the quesiton in the title of your post, i would much rather risk failing than not trying. And in the end I was successful!
Left in a Lurch Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 It's true some women loved to be chased and crave the attention while you are in pain but these women dont deserve to be chased they should be forgotten because they never truly loved you if they are willing to put the relationship on the line just for the chase I think this is a great post.
LittleMike Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Chase her and you'll be left with nothing but more pain. NC is the way to go, although i still think about her sometimes the bad feelings are gone. Anyways it works wonders, now that she's figuring out that i'm not chasing her and i'm dating she's been sniffing around. I'm no expert on this but iv'e learned much from my experience and by being 3 to 4 hours reading stuff in here. I guess NC is a way of trying but in a subtle way. When me and my ex broke up and I realized how badly I wanted her back at first, I downloaded every e book, read every book, forum, article, etc.. I did the exact same thing, I't all points to NC, i guess we don't see the big picture until after you've tried it, this was my case. It's true some women loved to be chased and crave the attention while you are in pain but these women dont deserve to be chased they should be forgotten because they never truly loved you if they are willing to put the relationship on the line just for the chase. I never saw it this way, this is the reason i didn't want to go NC but i guess your right. Lately she's been asking why i'm not chasing her and i guess it's starting to itch on her.
Author iOcean Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 I'm glad i posted and thank you all for the discussion. I for one would regret not trying...but I DO know NC needs to go into place before I try again (if I do). To be brief, as recently as early October, she admittedly confused on many things. She does NOT have good influences around her - but I can't control that. Her reaching out to me in October came after her cutting off communication after the proposal - but before her devil of a friend introduced her to someone. She wanted marriage so badly...but fast forward to now she has seemed to move on. We always ask, is it real? A rebound? Regardless, that is why I ask (and am thankful for the discussion): is it worth trying in case it can help not move further with someone else or go total NC and hope things work out as they should. I, like many of us, am a control freak and I always feel I can make a difference. I'm trying to stay strong and NC.
bleeg Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 It's true some women loved to be chased and crave the attention while you are in pain but these women dont deserve to be chased they should be forgotten because they never truly loved you if they are willing to put the relationship on the line just for the chase I can't picture a girl who is so bored in a 2-3-4 year relationship, who breaks up with their man, just to be chased. Sorry. It depends on the situation. If you did something wrong, sure. She has every right not to forgive you and move on.
carhill Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 OP, do you find a person who seeks you to chase them to be compatible for an intimate romantic relationship? Does it match up with your psychology? Do you find it healthy? Go with that. Imagine for a minute that you're not a chaser. Maybe you don't have to imagine. Do you really think she cares about that, if she likes being chased? Not for a second. She only cares about how she *feels* and, if this is incompatible with your perspective, no relationship results. You can warp yourself into the expectations of another, generally at the altar of your self-worth and sensibilities. NC has only one client; one patient. That's you. Pay on your way out. Good luck
Author iOcean Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 Trust me when I say it wasn't a "boring" thing. We are in our early 30s and it was mainly a religion/faith thing. We both are Christian...she was tired of living with me and not as my wife. She wanted me to "lead her in her faith". Nonethless, she is ignoring her faith and hanging out with gym rats now. I know this means nothing, but it wasn't a break up out of boredom
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