tobydog Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Why, when I thought I was dong better after our split 9 and half weeks ago? My heart is still breaking, mainly for my 4 yo son. he has cut all ties, severed all links and does not even want his son? What kind of person can do that? I need some answers for my pain. I am getting used to the fact he is no longer here but my son....he needs a daddy. I am so desperately sad. I thought he loved him. He has done one nasty thing after another, won't talk and it is like he has just vanished from our life together. Any insight would be very much appreciated. Exactly what sort of a man could do this? We waited 8 years for him, 4 IVF's and now nothing.......
Author tobydog Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 Someone please help me........
Lexygirl Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 (edited) I'm sorry you are going through this, Tobydog. It must be so hard for you and your son. Grief and healing take time. Try to find comfort in as many ways as you can. I hope you and your son can do something fun together today. Take one day at a time. Do what you can and reach out whenever possible. Take care. Edited November 20, 2010 by Lexygirl ...
Author tobydog Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 Thanks Lexy We are going to the park tomorrow with the dogs. I am so ill and sad and hurt and everyting. x
rugbyplayer1990 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 (edited) Sorry Tobydog to hear what your going through. could you give more information; 1. were you fighting more 2. weight gain/loss 3. other woman 4. does he have trust issues? or any other information, it's not like a man to leave a child unless he has strong fear of being around or critizied by wife/girlfriend. i ask these questions becase sometime ago I experience same situation. My ex was just hateful when I got my daughter and since i was still in love with her, it was easier to NOT deal with her until we both "cooled down".. Edited November 21, 2010 by rugbyplayer1990
Author tobydog Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 If you read my back stories you will see, they are littered over this site! Update: he came back this morning to get his tools as he is moving into a flat. He said he hates me as I have lost him everything and he will never come back. I said we could have worked this out and he said I forced him to leave, he said he cries all the time and I have made him ill. He did look very ill so I am feeling so guilty that I have ruined his life. I felt so much animosity but yet I felt that he wanted to talk, tho that didn't happen. he also said I kept him in a bubble, which I don't understand at all. He never has had friends or gone out and seemed happy running the business, which got too big and is now in a mess. I have cancelled all his Direct debits and he is now in massive debt. He is so angry but he would not give me my key back. It has all become so acrimonious and I just don't get it. he said he can't afford to divorce me either. I tried to reming him that I have bailed him out for years and he has left me in debt too and not given us a penny. Any ideas, esp about the bubble remark? Cheers
worlybear Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Hey Tobydog- Don't beat yourself up. Your ex is in a mess financially because of his actions, but like all cowards , he finds it much easier to blame you and make you his whipping dog. Don't take responsibility for his problems, if you do ,you will just be enabling him in his "poor me" mode. Like I posted the other day he is unable to see anything other than himself, hence the distancing himself from his son. I do understand how you feel- my STBX has not seen our youngest daughter(others are grown up) since last November 24th. He has made little effort to contact her and now lives with OW and her daughter! I am at a loss to understand how he can trade his own daughter (smart,funny and pretty) for someone else's spotty reject -and I don't think my daughter will ever forgive him. But hey-you know what? She is still smart,funny and pretty and has siblings and friends who love her to bits. She never talks about her Dad and doesn't factor him into her life at all. Its his loss and I hope one day he realises it. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep loving your son and keep posting. Hugs:bunny::bunny:
Author tobydog Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 Thanks W I am just thrown again. I want my key back so he cannot get in. I was so shocked this morning to hear his voice downstairs. he got in thro the back door and took all his tools. Then said those nasty things. leaving me with a whole load of guilt, he looked a mess too and is in deep ****e. his mum says he regrets it and wants to come back but is too stubborn/ashamed to ask. It had gone too far and the acrimony is dreadful. Thanks Hun for replying. I am now back in week 4 after doing so well in week 9 and a half x yes you are right it is his loss and he will never get these days back with his beloved son.
habs53 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 If you read my back stories you will see, they are littered over this site! Update: he came back this morning to get his tools as he is moving into a flat. He said he hates me as I have lost him everything and he will never come back. I said we could have worked this out and he said I forced him to leave, he said he cries all the time and I have made him ill. He did look very ill so I am feeling so guilty that I have ruined his life. I felt so much animosity but yet I felt that he wanted to talk, tho that didn't happen. he also said I kept him in a bubble, which I don't understand at all. He never has had friends or gone out and seemed happy running the business, which got too big and is now in a mess. I have cancelled all his Direct debits and he is now in massive debt. He is so angry but he would not give me my key back. It has all become so acrimonious and I just don't get it. he said he can't afford to divorce me either. I tried to reming him that I have bailed him out for years and he has left me in debt too and not given us a penny. Any ideas, esp about the bubble remark? Cheers The bubble means he has made an invisible shield around himself to protect himself. My ex sort of said the same thing and used her hands to demonstrate a big bubble around herself. I thought she cracked up. I think its a sign of depression. He has lost feelings with himself and everything else.
Author tobydog Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 No he said |I have kept him in a bubble
sirweasles Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Not sure if this will help but Im in sort of the situation your x is in my wife has told me im not welcome home I hurt so bad and am very depressed and have had to call help lines several times to talk myself down I dont like myself anymore and cant emagine going on like this however for me my kids are all i have to hold onto and yelling at and accusing my wife are the last thing i would ever do. My wifes first marriege ended alot like yours is going and my step daughter still at 11 has seperation issues however she loves me and has adopted me as her father and has been able to get past most of the hurt caused by her biological father just remember that he has to fix his own problems for me this is very essentiol to my own recovery and to any hope of saving my marrage. you cant do it all and you have to fix yor problems stop worrying about his and start worriing about you. When you allow his blame to get to you he is emotionally abusing you and nobody i mean nobody deserves to be abused. seperation is hard on children and even harder when a parent chooses to become absent to there child but there are other guys out there that will happily fill in as the father and love your child as a father and your child will be ok.
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