Forever2011 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I'll try to keep this as short as I can. But the situation goes something like this... So I've been with a girl who from pretty early on warned me she has some problems. Of course I thought all she needed is someone who loved her for her for once (her main past relationship revolved around abuse). She also has a kid, which I was somewhat weary about initially, but didn't want to give up on her like every other guy apparently does in that situation. So I gave her a chance, and we got close fast. She was such a truly sweet girl it seemed, so loving and caring. Some things were inconsistent though; I could tell she had a dark side. Well, as the months passed, she began to get more "comfortable" around me and I started to see rage. Arguments weren't that frequent initially, but they grew as time passed. Eventually, she began saying the most hurtful things about her past, just to win an argument by throwing them in my face. I shot back hurtful things too, but after about 2 months, I realized the damage of this, and backed off. But she continued saying the most hell fueled cruel things she could, like things about her ex and her. I began to build a wall even after the apologies. I started to resent her a little bit, or at least fear that she would be easily set off (As usual) and flip and say cruel things that I couldn't forget. She always said after the fact that she didn't mean ANY of the things she said, but the damage of course is always done. She would flip on me if there was nudity in a movie, and claim I was looking, and then her rebuttal would be "I'm going to take off my shirt for guys to show you how it feels". Asinine retaliations that just made you step back and wonder what the hell? In public, she would always accuse me of looking at girls (and let me clarify, I don't do that. I have never been disrespectful like that to any girlfriend). She always assumes I am cheating and have girls on the side (which once again is 100% asinine, I have never and would never cheat on anyone who trusted me). She is diagnosed recently as bipolar 1, schizotypal personality disorder, and some major forms of depression. Some very bad things have happened to her in her past, as well. I do love this girl to death, I really do. I want nothing more than to take away her pain and let her have the ability to enjoy life, and hopefully maybe it'll make me a bit happier too. I don't know how to let go of the resentment and the pain and just be good to her anymore like I want. What advice do the kind people here have to give?
simpleone79 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Your not gonna want to hear this but let her go. She is hung up on her past and cant let it be exactly what is. The past. You are going to be walking on egg shells your whole relationship. Guess you need to really ask yourself if you can accept getting flamed for her past and walking on egg shells. Medical conditions or not shes insecure and living in the past. Im pretty sure you dont want that no matter how sweet she can be.
karnak Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 She is diagnosed recently as bipolar 1, schizotypal personality disorder, and some major forms of depression. Some very bad things have happened to her in her past, as well. This woman has a serious problem. A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM. Please, don't fall into the mistake of thinking that it was the "abuses" in her past relationships that make her do this kind of terrible stuff. No. In fact, it's her own psychological problems who have made her search those destructive relationships from her past and get into problems throughout her life. I know precisely what I'm talking about because I have some women friends who followed this precise pattern. They're messed in their heads. Perhaps since their early childhood, I'd say. I'd bet on genetic neurological disturbances. These friends of mine almost led me to madness at certain times, due to me trying to help them... to no avail. In the end the'd all agree they were sick. Yet, despite recognizing their flaws they'd never try to solve their issues. They'd always claim "it's very hard... it's very hard..." Bull****. In the end, and very recently I decided to "let them go". Their condition worsens as they grow older (I know these women for more than 10 years now) and I don't want to fall into madness as I was almost going to. Can people like your wife be treated? Sure they do. I also had severe emotional and neurological problems that I managed to overcome. BECAUSE I DECIDED I WANTED TO GET CURED! Unfortunately, most of the times, people like your wife and my friends never want to resolve their problems. Maybe it's a part of the sickness, or maybe it's mere stupidity. I've reached the conclusion that their "sickness" can sometimes be a good excuse to do foolish and irresponsible stuff: "it's not my fault, I'm not well, bla bla bla..." As for me, I grew too tired of excuses. Your wife can be cured. But she must the one to take the first step.
Woggle Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Suggest she get counseling but if she won't then maybe you should let her go. If a person refuses to help themselves then all the love in the world from your end will not make any difference. She will just end up dragging you down with her. Either she gets help and you can support her in that or you leave for your own good.
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