FightClub Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I'm a single guy who got involved with a MW as a long-distance friend, something that got me thinking recently was how I ended up in an affair with someone who was married in the first place. I may not have realized it because the friendship wasn't about romance but rather learning and lot of communication in a years time, things going on my life, I realize now that I met my exMW for a reason, within that reason also came the connection and the feelings of an EA, the sexual tension that followed was a PA and then the end of what we had. While the reason itself is still coming to focus, it changed a lot about me in the time I spent with this person and after wards how I view things now. At the core, I'm curious as to how others got involved with their MW, was it intentional? innocent? how has it changed you in the time spent apart in NC? -FC
blinded_27 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Innocent for me. Tried to end it several times. I was lonely being in a new city and not knowing anyone and he became a good friend. Like most people here, he made me believe he was unhappy in his relationship and that i was his salvation. I had no reason not to believe him at the time, so I eventually gave in and let myself fall for him completely. I learned so much from this too. I recognize the importance of trust, and truth in a relationship... All those "little" things I took for granted with my ex-boyfriend. I know the next guy I end up with, i will cherish so much more than my xMM. All of this has definitely happened for a reason, I think it will make my next relationship just that much stronger
spice4life Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 (edited) I was involved with a MM, innocently at first because he was separated and then continued after I learned the truth. It was my choice to continue at the time. I can honestly say that being involved with him has definitely changed me as a person forever. And, I'd like to add, for the better. We are no longer involved but the relationship itself has made me look at who I am as person and deal with my deep seeded issues. I credit him for some of that for sure. There were certain aspects of him that made me want that in a full time relationship. In the end, I was very sad about ending it (and believe me there many endings...yikes!), but with my new found knowledge about myself, I knew I couldn't settle for a part time arrangement like that. I tried for a while, and thought I could handle it, but I realized I couldnt., so I had to finally say good bye for good. It was very hard letting him go, but I couldn't settle for what he offered (part time arrangement) and he made the choice to stay in his M. He has a special place in my heart though. So yes, it has changed me and it has been for the better. Edited November 20, 2010 by spice4life
spice4life Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 (edited) Innocent for me. Tried to end it several times. I was lonely being in a new city and not knowing anyone and he became a good friend. Like most people here, he made me believe he was unhappy in his relationship and that i was his salvation. I had no reason not to believe him at the time, so I eventually gave in and let myself fall for him completely. I learned so much from this too. I recognize the importance of trust, and truth in a relationship... All those "little" things I took for granted with my ex-boyfriend. I know the next guy I end up with, i will cherish so much more than my xMM. All of this has definitely happened for a reason, I think it will make my next relationship just that much stronger Wow blinded! You put into words exactly what I was trying to say. I learned the very same things. Meeting MM definitely happened for a reason. The relationship taught me so much about what I want and need...more than anything else in my life ever has. When the right person comes along the relationship will be a lot stronger. The main reason is because I learned that I have to be happy with me first before I can ever be happy with someone else. I'm at that point and I look forward to all my future possibilities. It's a pretty exciting place to be. Edited November 20, 2010 by spice4life silly mistakes :)
East7 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I got involved with a MW who was my childhood love, kind of "the Notebook" story - We started to talk as friends, then started flirting back and forth until we both fell deeply in love. She never promised me anything but she was torn between her H and me for a long time...went into depressions and breakdowns because of this dilemma..We had a very passionate R..She even considered marring me before going crazy and breaking up telling me that if we are not together it was my fault.. It has been very painful for both of us, even more for her. I am sure she truly loved me, we even went to spend vacations together before our breakup. With the time, I realized that she was a weak person, our biggest issue was distance (US-EU), and for a long time I used to think that we could have moved together really quickly if we could see each-other more often, but now I'm not sure if she would had moved out of her M even if I lived in the neighborhood. So really married people divorce because when they want it, not because they are in love with the OP. It takes a very strong person to pick quickly and move, in general MM/MW are weak persons.
crazy love Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Mine was completely innocent. There was always attraction, but never in a million years did i think anything would have come to a relationship between us. I was not looking for a relationship at all, it just grew into one.
crazy love Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 ANd I'd like to add, that it has changed me in many ways, all good. I feel like I see the world more in a 3 dimensional sense rather than just the surface level.
siuys Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I was very ready for a relationship when I met xMM, whose M was in trouble. We connected straight away, and the chemistry blew us away from day 1. Before we even had time to think, we were in a PA. Roller coaster rides followed, much pain due to his inconsistencies, swaying doubt etc. I now realise that he is not done with his M. I learnt a lot about myself, and what I need and want in a R. The R with xMM brought up some deep seeded issues from my childhood. He is the only man I've ever been with who has children and a traditional family man. I never thought I'd be attracted to his type, but little did I know there were some issues that I needed to deal from my childhood. Obviously, I also learnt a lot about men whose marriages are in trouble. It is very difficult for them to leave even if they are unhappy. It is a serious undertaking for them, and I will never get involved in a situation like this ever again. I also learnt about attraction, chemistry, communication, and also how much I am prepared to put in in a R (too much in this case, but it's still good to know for myself).
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